Posts Tagged ‘sister’

thanksgiving 2016

December 20, 2016

So thanksgiving was coming up and I was really dreading it. It’s just not the same since 1) I’ve been working for a retail company and 2) my parent’s split up. Our family doesn’t have a home base anymore, ya know? So plans don’t come together well at all.

My mom decided to take her vacation with her fiance during that week because last year was so disastrous. I don’t blame her one bit. My 2 oldest brothers and my sister have their families that they can build plans around. And my dad? He always crashes some poor neighbor’s thanksgiving. That left me and my little brother all orphaned.

On top of that I was on-call and I only got that Thursday off from work. Nothing seemed to be shaping up into a traditional holiday. I was sad over it.

Less than a week to thanksgiving I talk to my sister and find out she plans on being in my area so that her son’s father can have him for the week. This means she’d be staying with me for several days! So I called my little brother and asked if he’d like to do a meal at my place.

My place = 1 bedroom apartment with no place for even a dining room table. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t all hang out and eat awkwardly off my coffee table together!

The night before my sister tells me she’s running a day late… You heard me. Lol… a full day late. Instead of coming in Wednesday afternoon she had to take advantage of an opportunity I don’t blame her for. So she’ll be there around 3pm on Thanksgiving day. Anyway, Wednesday night my little brother comes over to help cook.

Actually he ended up being the bartender while I baked and prepped. It was a lot of fun. After we consumed a few eggnog cocktails he wanted to show off his new car. Responsible order, I know… But the cocktails were so involved we didn’t have much before heading out. SWEAR! As we round a few blocks we decide to go to my favorite and closest bar. We had a few beers.

Me and my little brother have gotten so close in the last 3 years. We are both in the same area. We’ve both had a few hard times. I guess that makes for some good bonding fodder. We talk about really in depth things. Family things. Significant other things. Past things. Future things. And doing it over a few beers is ALWAYS more productive when you just kind of ramble and offshoot from every topic that keeps rolling in. I had the best time.

The next day he came over early. Cooked me breakfast. And we spent the rest of the day watching movies, drinking beer, cooking, and anticipating my sister’s (and her 4 month old’s) arrival.

Over all it was a fantastic few days. I didn’t realize how much fun it was being the host of big holiday. As in, being in charge of the cooking. It was so much fun! We didn’t do a whole lot of traditional stuff, but it was special none-the-less.

I’m glad I could offer my siblings a place to come through a holiday that use to be so full of such a solid family. It’s not like it use to be… but I see new traditions forming for the future 🙂

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birth story

July 5, 2016

I was in the delivery room a few weeks ago when my sister brought her son into the world.

There’s something about being in the same room as my twin sister as she experiences so much pain. And maybe it’s not a twin thing at all. Maybe its just a sibling thing. Or a people thing. While she was experiencing each contraction all I wanted to do was cry. My body’s response to her pain was tears.

I didn’t let them loose. I mean, come on… If you aren’t the one about to birth something from your body in the delivery room you don’t get the luxury of feeling things. You have to be strong if she needs you, right? I don’t know. But that is what I decided.

It was pretty intense.

Besides wanting to cry all I could think was how beautiful my sister was in that moment.

Here she is. In the worst pain of her life. Completely naked. And she is the prettiest person that I’ve ever seen. Maybe that’s what they call “the glow” of pregnancy. I don’t know. All I know is that it was overwhelming.

She kicked ass in there. No meds. No man. Just pure finish-line-in-sight, can’t-wait-to-hold-my-baby motivation.

It was an awesome experience. I mean, I think I’m forever talked out of having my own kids, but it was awesome to be there. And I don’t think I can even say we experienced it together, because the events of that night were NOT the same by far for us both – poor girl – but I’m happy I was apart of it.

my sister: the rock star

June 13, 2016

So, I’m in Louisiana with my sister this week. She is 39 weeks pregnant and ready to dispense this child at any second.

I honestly don’t know how she does the things that she does. She is a rock star. And not just the fact that at 39 weeks pregnant and counting she is still running 2 miles a day. Not just because of where she got in her career at such a young age. And not just because the awesome humans she is raising. She just has a way of dealing with life that is so admirable to me.

My niece is 4. And the biggest diva. She’s both demon and angel within the same breath. To say she is a bit difficult is an understatement. So sweet tho! She’s a little cuddle bug. She’s full of random “I love you”s and excitement just at the sight of you coming in the door. She has such a big heart. She’s sassy and sure. She has life all figured out. If these darn adults could just get out of her way!

And my nephew… He’s 10. He looooves video games. He’s so so smart. He is so sensitive too. He is just like I was. Except his feelings are closer to the surface. I was the kid that didn’t participate because I was terrified at embarrassing myself. And when I did embarrass myself I’d clam up. This kid visibly holds back tears. I know exactly how he feels. And I can’t wait for him to figure out what I have in my lifetime. But it’s his own to figure out. One day he’ll realize every one has fears. Every one has insecurities. And its okay to mess up. It’s okay to not know what you are doing. It’s okay. He’ll get there. Just hate that it’ll take him more than 20 years to get there. He’ll get there. Don’t you wish our wisdom was easier accepted by those that haven’t taken our path yet? But we humans don’t work that way. We are too curious. We aren’t satisfied with other’s experiences and outcomes. We have to trial and error all on our own. He’ll get there.

I love when he is having a good time. His smile is beautiful. He’s a handsome boy already, but when he smiles it changes his whole face and it’s just beyond this world adorable and lovely. I just love it. This kid. He creates such good emotion in me that it hurts from bursting at the seams.

Back to my sister. She’s amazing. She puts up with so much judgment from people and family that it makes me sick. But she just works it. I don’t know how she ignores it. My sensitive soul would have me hiding in the corner… no hiding under the rock in the corner. Or  moving to Alaska. But she just proves to every one how inadequate they are and how rock star she is. She conquers everything life hands her.

She has/does the same fuck ups the rest of us have had and done. She gambles the same way the rest of us do with our decisions. But life always gave her the hardest out comes. She just kind of gathers them all up and adds them to her trophy case. I’ll always look up to her for how she handles things.

I’ve been here a week and I want to tear my eyes out because of the kids and the noise and the activity going on. I love them, but why do we have to have cartoons, video games, and noisy toys all going on at once?!?! And this is her life.

Maybe one day I’ll be as cool as her. But I’m not holding my breath for it!

niece and nephew weekend!

March 21, 2016

I had a great weekend with my sister and her kids. They came to stay with me for a few days.

My niece and nephew are pretty fun to be around… I mean, they do get stuck in their technology, but when they pull their heads out and hit the pause button they are pretty cool!

My nephew is such a smart kid. He’s very intellectual. He enjoys reading and learning. He holds pretty darn good conversations. I know he is 10 and he is suppose to, but I’m always surprised at how easily we can talk. He is a pretty quiet guy tho. Very internal. I can tell he wades through a hefty amount of anxiety. Reminds me of me.

My 3 year old niece is just a shark. She’s sharp and independent. She will NOT do what she doesn’t want. But she still has that little kid side with the cute squeaky voice and petite frame and oodles of excitement. She’s absolutely beautiful.

Me and my sister have so much fun together. I love the way our personalities flow together. We laugh at nothing and everything. I wish we lived closer together. I mean at 5 and half hours away, I guess we finally ARE closer! But we humans aren’t ever satisfied, are we?

She is 28 weeks pregnant. She got to talking about this next one. How she can’t wait to know what his/her personality will be like. What a fun thing to think about. This new life being its own being. Having it’s own set of genetic rules. I can’t wait either!

While I absolutely loved the weekend with them… I’m pretty sure those little guys got me sick! I’ve got that sore throat, swollen tongue, super tired feeling going on today. This happens nearly every time! Totally worth it. I mean, there’s a chance it’s just allergies… the weather in Arkansas is friggin ridiculous right now… but… my nephew was pretty sniffly…

twins, nieces, and dreams

June 18, 2015

My sister is in town!!! And while I have moments that I DESPERATELY miss her, the biggest joy of her visits as of the last few years is getting to spend time with my niece. She is a tea cup sized me. AND SO ADORABLE (if I do say so myself)!

Me and my sister are fraternal twins. And her daughter is my replica. I always wanted a little girl that looks like me.

The fact that my sister had her is truly bitter/sweet. First and foremost I got a mini me without actually having to destroy any part of my body to bring her into the world. Sorry, sis, but thanks for doing me this solid! But secondly, I wasn’t the one that got to feel her flutters and kicks from within and selfishly/selflessly hoard her all to myself for 9 months…

Maybe one day I’ll have a tea cup sized twin cousin for this little gal. Or now that I think on it, maybe my new dream is to have a tea cup sized human that looks like my twin sis 🙂

feeling loved

November 10, 2014

I talked to my sister recently about boys… imagine that. Mundane enough, right?

We grew up in a very religious house hold. Everything was bad. It’s not about being safe and moderate it was about sacrifice. NO NO NO NO NO. So when it came to sex, naturally abstinence was the rule. But my sister got involved with an older guy at age 14… sex was involved. I thought it was this young age that has affected her and her view on relationships and men from then on… Thought she was affected by the older boy on top of the guilt she may have felt for going against a religion that was so heavily preached and ingrained in us.

Fast forward to current day. Me and my sister are 27… She confided in me that she knows now she seeks out affection from men… because this is how she feels loved. This is the only time she has EVER felt loved by men. EVER. What does this mean? My dad wasn’t very affectionate. He was the book nerd type. He read us stories from child craft. He taught us to study by reading our texts books to us and quizzing us. He prayed over us at night. BUt the most affectionate I remember him being was literally tucking us in bed at night. Otherwise he was reading on his own. Or on the internet. Basically once his work day was over, he was done. Me and my sister decided we don’t remember anything hands on from both our parents. Why is it then, that her act of love… her love tank… if we go with “the 5 love languages” theory… is only filled by intimate contact? There was a hole… and she is filling it with what was missing? is that how it works. It’s not she was loved in so many ways and that’s how she feels it now out of habit…? but the opposite? Forgive me if this isn’t making a whole lot of sense. I’m just brainstorming. Just don’t understand why we were shown love by being provided for, by being pushed in academics, by a whole host of other ways, but the one way that we didn’t get we seek… Why is it not habit to feel love by how we’ve always been shown it.

Let me be honest… Hearing my sister say this was like… well… reflecting my own thoughts. I want to be touched. This is when I feel my most worthy. And my sexual back ground is the complete opposite of hers. I was 18 when I lost my virginity. And it was to my boyfriend of over a year and half… who i eventually married.

I don’t know, just rambling on. Maybe this is completely normal for women. I know that the word slut gets thrown out a lot at females… the whole double standards of having a lot of sexual partners. Man, if men (and some women) only knew that the reason (some) girls turn into “sluts” is because we mistake the time spent on us in the act of sex with how much the person doing the act with us feels about us and the promise this act might mean. With every time they give their bodies to a man they think this could be it… This is my turning point. My life just started. He is the difference. He is my future… only to wake up finding out that the chickens were counted too early. And we kick ourselves because we know… this isn’t the answer. but how else do we get that love we want. We give what we think will make the difference. and every time the hope is there. and every time dashed. But its worth the possible dashing to be loved. In those moments she is whole. Happy.

My heart breaks for these scenarios. I hear about it all the time. Wonder what will bridge the worth that we really are to the worth we feel we are….