Posts Tagged ‘respect’


September 18, 2015

After my initial meeting with Sir T, I felt pretty comfortable around him. I mean… there is still a level of this-guy-knows-more-than-i-do-so-i-might-tip-toe-for-a-bit, but I feel like I can ask him things. I’m okay with not knowing things and getting him to explain it to me.

He sent me a list of rules. Not a contract. Just a list of things he expects. The top 3 (he calls them The Golden Three) are basically about letting him be my better half. Letting him know what is best for me. Trusting him. And always putting his happiness in front of my own because he in turn does the same for me. Both of us keeping each other’s happiness first.

I don’t have many reservations with him at all. Like with MrMcCoy… who had red flags coming out the ying yang….. Even tho that physical attraction isn’t there there is still a connection of respect that I like. I like that level of respect I have for him. I don’t have that for everyone. I didn’t realize this was the case until recently. It was a hard truth about myself to admit.

Why am I so quick to trust yet so stingy with my respect? I think a big part of my marriage and relationship with my ex husband was that neither one of us fully respected each other. Why is that? I can’t really come up with the answer.

Does it come from a place of condescension? I kind of think it might. And I hate that. I like to think that I’m a humble person. And I am. Aren’t I? But do I just like to think that because humility is a desired trait? I don’t really feel like I think I’m better than others…¬†but I digress.

Sir T has already gotten a good feel on how my mind operates. I don’t know how he picks up so much with so little. He not only observes well, but he is quick to make adjustments accordingly. This is so important for someone that will be taking the lead – in the bedroom or out.

He always asks for my opinions. He always checks in on me about how I feel about things and if I’m still having fun. lol. It’s almost weird having him ask.

One of his rules for when we spend the night together: I must turn down the bed, let him inspect me, and sleep naked. Inspect me? That should be interesting.

We are having dinner tonight. I’m quite looking forward to it. He is picking me up at 6:30. Sushi!

We have had a few scenes together thus far. He is very heavy handed. It’s what inspired my cane post. I’ll definitely post more on my new experiences soon. It’s been very fun ūüôā

two halves

September 10, 2015

I started going to church again. I even found a bible study that starts next week… And while I’m excited about connecting with this group for the study, I’m also wondering how much of myself I’ll have to check at the door when I show up.

I am finding it difficult to reconcile the two halves of me. The sweet-christian-girl and the willing-submissive. I suppose we all do that tho… When we walk through those doors we always take all our shit with us, right? You don’t need a doctor when you aren’t sick.

Curious to see how this goes. And how long it’ll take me to get to the point of sleepless, anxiety laden nights where I plead with God to let me keep all parts of me. Surely there’s a way to do this, right? Surely he won’t ask this of me. I say this as I cover the ears of one half of me… and lie to the other.

Is it a coincidence that everything a sub looks for in a dom, others seek out from God? Trust, safety, a connection, someone to adore you, someone to worship, someone whose feet to sit beside, someone who you hold so much love and respect for you would do absolutely anything for without hesitation?

Worth (Priorities part II)

July 1, 2015

I feel like this deserved a part two after a discussion with yet another good friend brought on the completeness of this light bulb moment from yesterday.

While yesterday i understood that some people keep their relationships on a different line of their priority list than I, today I realized why I’m rocking the boat recently with a few of what I consider to be deeper relationships in my life.

As I grow older and gain perspective and get to know myself in a more accepting and loving way, I realize my worth. I realize what I deserve and I put up with less bullshit from others around me that seem to care way less than I do.

So, along with me valuing my relationships more, i’m also demanding more. The side effect of these great revelations that I’m putting into practice without even realizing it is a thinning circle of friends.

And you know what? I’m am okay with that. I have excellent people in my life. They add to and enrich my life. They make me happy and feel whole and complete. I can afford to trim the fat. I can afford to hold a higher standard.

Maybe this is only a self preservation tactic, saving myself from the pain I spoke of yesterday… Maybe it’s just justification for letting friendships die… I don’t know, but I know I am okay with this. I am very very okay with this.

So let the pain come and let the pain lessen. And let me re-evaluate some people in my life. Bring it on, life. For this is growing older. This is growing wiser. This is taking what I deserve. This is holding myself up. Respecting and loving me… and allowing the love that I have to be washed over those that stick around.

My 50 cents on 50 Shades

March 2, 2015

Okay, let me first get a few things out of the way.

The only experience I have with this trilogy is giving up on the first book (because I found it incredibly boring and NOT from my lack of sex drive) and watching the first movie twice.
Also, women want a man to take control. Okay. Sure. Yes. we wanna be picked up and thrown around. Maybe even experiment with a hand cuff or blind fold or two. We do NOT like it when our significant other (or lesser) asks us if we wanna have sex. Excuse me? What? No. Not in the mood. Ahaha of course we aren’t in the mood. we aren’t naturally ready to go like men are. We take a bit of time. A bit of an investment, if you will. Turn us on! Don’t ask us permission to penetrate us. That shit is lazy.¬†¬†(Of course there are exceptions to this. Some women do have a higher sex drive. And their are things that turn us on without actually being seduced in the traditional sense.) Guys, if you think asking permission for sex is the start of a good night, it’s time to relearn a few things! And if she does say yes she won’t enjoy it for at least the initial contact. That was an obligatory “yes”. But just because we know we want to be taken charge of and we want to be seduced with a little force doesn’t mean every woman is into the kinky stuff as much as they’d like to believe as this “50 Shades” fad takes over. BUT I guarantee that the first nipple clamp will have any desperate house wife begging for some vanilla sex and maybe a cop on the scene. Just saying.
Now, if you’ve stuck with me that long you’ve made it to the actual topic.
<stepping on soap box; commencing rant>
The biggest fear I have about this movie is that it’ll give the BDSM scene a bad rap! I just made myself laugh with that last statement.¬†Isn’t’ that all this scene is? A bad kinky rap? That most people are repulsed by. That most people have a¬†negative opinion about? And that is BEFORE you talk to those people about¬†disrespect¬†of woman and how this is abuse… blah blah blah. I thought I had lots to say on this subject. I have a very passionate¬†opinion¬†here. But as I brainstormed for¬†this blog I realized I only have one thing in particular I want to clear up about this whole movie. and about now what the main stream media is doing with BDSM image.
What BDSM¬†isn’t:
It isn’t about sacrifice. A d/s relationship doesn’t work if both parties aren’t IN LOVE with this whole scene. The Dom has to get off on being in control whether that involves inflicting pain or not. and the Sub has to get off on being controlled and making her Dom happy whether that involves some masochism or not! both parties are 100 percent satisfied by anything that goes on in a bondage scene. If this isn’t the case then someone is being abused. Period. If this isn’t mutually enjoyed then it shouldn’t be at all. This whole thing is for pleasure. For all parties. The entire time.
A sub wants to make her master happy. It’s a turn on to make her dom feel proud her by doing what he asks. He is in turn turned on by her obedience and it turns into this¬†delectable¬†cycle of “yes sir”/”good girl”. (or yes ma’am/good boy…)
It isn’t about total disregard for one’s preferences. Anna just wanted a normal boyfriend relationship with this guy. She even said almost immediately, “What if i don’t want any part of THAT?” She wanted him so badly that she was willing to give in to his demands at least in part. My fear would be with the limits that are set up ahead of time. If he doesn’t give her preferences weight in some areas in life, why would he think he needs to respect them in the “play room”? This part of the whole thing…. ugh! NOT COOL!
It isn’t about total disrespect for her space/opinions/property. There are people out there in the scene that take part in Total Power Exchange – this includes every aspect of their life. Again this is completely mutual. Every party involved gets equal pleasure out of it. But for Christian to just sell her car and buy a new one…? Seriously? She could possibly have an¬†opinion¬†on this. Did it even cross his mind to even ask for maybe a color preference of the car?! Big fat NOPE! And getting her a lap top? and clothes? She might have an¬†opinion!!!!!!!!!!! And in fact, in each of these instances Anna voices her displeasure in all of it. This is not what The Scene is about. If both parties aren’t completely trusting and there isn’t a shit ton of respect there… I can¬†guarantee¬†its not fun for anyone.
And one more thing, I hear the nay-sayers talk about how even the music from this movie is getting too much attention and taking the charts just¬†because¬†the 50 Shades craze. Well, I have one thing to say to those people. Ellie Goulding fucking¬†rocks. The music crew for the movie just did a great job. Plain and simple. It didn’t need the movie to be awesome music. Had to be said.
Sigh… I suppose that is all. Had to defend the subject. Stepping off my soap box now. Have a good one!