Posts Tagged ‘priorities’

Gimme equal pay, but lemme where some stilettos, k?

February 13, 2017

ok so… I got some thoughts going on in my head. I’m not sure it’s linear enough for a blog post. I’m all over the place. There’s a central theme, but, well… You’ll see if you can handle the ramble.

Feminism vs anti-feminism?

I just tried to google the opposite of feminism and really there isn’t a word.

Misogyny isn’t necessarily the opposite. Obviously you can’t be misogynistic and a feminist… but being anti feminism doesn’t necessarily mean something as malicious as misogyny, right?

I feel like I fit somewhere in between (not between misogyny and feminism, but feminism vs anti-feminism). I believe in a balance. I believe in the Ying-Yang of life and the universe. But I also think women can do it all… within the biological realm of reality anyway.

So…

When I’m at work I want to be treated equally. Same pay and compensation. Same expectations and repercussions. I NEED my male co-workers to see me on an equal level. I need them to not crack comments about my mood and hormones. I need them to not ask me to coordinate the baby shower next month. I need them to feel like they can come to me for work advice because I’m just as good as the next guy. All these things are the not the case and it drives me insane. Working in a male dominated field isn’t the most zen experience of my life. These guys don’t even hear anything wrong with the things they say! Open your ears! I could go on and on about what these guys think are okay. I MEAN ON AND ON AND ON FEMALE-HORMONE-RANT STYLE…. 😐 hm.

Then there’s that… I am female. And I do have to deal with hormones on a monthly basis. And guess what? Those males I work with, they have to deal with me during those times too. And it’s a true statement to say that hormones effect my mood. And sometimes very drastically so. It’s not something I can help too much. This is a fact of life. No amount of feminism is going to undo do the fact that the chemistry in my body is reeking havoc on almost all function of my body. IT. JUST. IS. Women ARE different. So when I storm out because some fucking fuck face says something misogynistic about lipstick and credit cards in my purse because I JUST CAN’T handle stupid shitty comments like that they are most certainly not wrong about it being my time of the month. GRRR. What do we do with those moments, feminists??? How could I possibly combat that??? lol I mean, when I flip out over a misogynistic comment because my hormones won’t allow me to smile and nod and maybe even retort with something flippantly witty…? It’s comical, right? Well, it’s comical in 4 to 7 days, anyway….

But… I want to be a girl. I want to be treated like something special. I want to feel the protection a man can provide. I want to be able to hand a jar of pickles over to a man to muscle that sunuvabish open. Just like I want to be someone a guy can lean on for support. I want to be that safe place a man can come and crumble upon because he knows the massive amount of respect I have for him and the amount of warm, soft, feminine comfort I have waiting for him to crash into. I want to fill in his gaps and I want my gaps to be filled (sexually and otherwise – ba dum chhhh). I want to be the ying to his yang. I want to flow together so well we are better than two puzzle pieces… Like oil and water coming together with perfect, visible seems. Touching each other whole-y, but both very separate and different. You can see one. You can see the other. They are very distinct.

When it comes to significant others and their roles in the household I think that should just be something agreed upon between the two. When I was married, I was happy to do dishes if I didn’t have to mow the lawn. I’m okay with that trade off of responsibilities. My ex husband HATED laundry but didn’t mind vacuuming the stairs, which i hated! He liked to fix things and he liked to make things look better. I’m bad at it, so I was happy to have him use tools that I wasn’t comfortable using and making things look good because he had the better decorative eye. When he took on special tasks like cleaning the garage I didn’t mind taking on a larger load in the house. I’d much rather be in the comfort of the AC.

So here I am. I strongly feel my feelings and opinions and beliefs and preferences should be considered AND VALUED. But I’m not going to be weird when I’m cooking dinner for 2. And I want to be your princess too.

Okay… another HUGE ASPECT THAT PROMPTED THIS WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT TODAY:

Where’s the line at work? Where’s the line in my brain? I LOVE to wear a skirt and high heels. It makes me good about myself. I love feeling sexy. I don’t know of a single thing I can do that delivers the same feeling. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I don’t do it because I want some man to undress me with his eyes, or admire me walking down the hallway, or for someone else’s pleasure. I don’t think. Is that denial? I hope not. I love how I feel when I think I look sexy. If I leave the house and I don’t feel cute, I don’t have a good day. Period. End of discussion. My day is shitty. My self confidence: tanked. My body image: poor.

So how does feminism come into play there? Am I anti-feminist because I enjoy feeling sexy and powerful purely by the clothes I wear and the body under them?? What’s that about? Gimme equal pay, but lemme where some stilettos, k? I don’t know.

Last tangent, swear: Interesting offshoot about women in corporate environments. The ones that dress sexy or dress flattering for their figure always look younger at older ages. The women in heels and a skirt… they look 20 years younger than those women that wear the frumpy slacks. Whats that about? Why are those types of women more likely to take care of themselves in other ways? Is it just our vanity? But is it vanity or healthy pride? Are the other women just choosing other values and other things that make them feel good? I’m sure that’s what it is. They have a different priority list and their clothes choice just isn’t there. But then neither is their health…. I don’t know. Major ramble at this point.

I think I’ll wrap that up here.

Hope everyone has a great week! Happy Monday!

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not feeling loved

March 14, 2016

It hurts not being a priority in the lives of people you prioritize highly on your list.

It’s not enough for someone to say things like “I love you”, “I want you”, “You are important to me”. Talk is cheap. If those same words aren’t penetrating my feels, it’s meaningless.

Is this my problem? Yes, yes it is. It certainly is if no one else cares enough to figure out what it would take for me to feel what they say they feel.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s my fault that I didn’t feel it. But there are certain actions that could’ve helped. Am I spoiled? Am I expecting too much? No, I just can’t believe that. If I don’t feel loved, then that’s all there is to it.

I broke up with Andy this weekend. After going to see him two weekends in a row, and him not leaving his town to see me til after 6pm on saturday. I’m not okay with that. Why am I not worth a little bit of urgency? We ONLY get the weekends. And sure, one weekend doesn’t make me less, but one weekend on top of other choices he’s made about his time and money…? He can say he loves me and even add an extra squeeze to a hug and say “so much” with it and still never make decisions accordingly… And he may have felt all that.

I’ve said this before and I will continue to stick by this. A lot of relationships aren’t falling apart because the lack of love. It’s the perception (of lack) of love that does it for us. When love languages aren’t matching up and love tanks aren’t being filled… that’s what is killing our marriages and relationships. But if people are not willing to try other ways to show love then they essentially give up. If handing her a rose doesn’t say I love you in her eyes, then try washing her dishes… try watching a movie with her… or cuddling with her… I’m betting at some point you’ll get it right. And same goes for her. If he doesn’t care much for random gifts, or small acts of service try touching him! We are a needy type of people. We are relational beings. We need to feel!

Any way… climbing off my soapbox. I’m sad today. But I’m eternally hopefull even if I’m feeling less lucky about my prospects of finding something more forever.

Monday, bleh.

Worth (Priorities part II)

July 1, 2015

I feel like this deserved a part two after a discussion with yet another good friend brought on the completeness of this light bulb moment from yesterday.

While yesterday i understood that some people keep their relationships on a different line of their priority list than I, today I realized why I’m rocking the boat recently with a few of what I consider to be deeper relationships in my life.

As I grow older and gain perspective and get to know myself in a more accepting and loving way, I realize my worth. I realize what I deserve and I put up with less bullshit from others around me that seem to care way less than I do.

So, along with me valuing my relationships more, i’m also demanding more. The side effect of these great revelations that I’m putting into practice without even realizing it is a thinning circle of friends.

And you know what? I’m am okay with that. I have excellent people in my life. They add to and enrich my life. They make me happy and feel whole and complete. I can afford to trim the fat. I can afford to hold a higher standard.

Maybe this is only a self preservation tactic, saving myself from the pain I spoke of yesterday… Maybe it’s just justification for letting friendships die… I don’t know, but I know I am okay with this. I am very very okay with this.

So let the pain come and let the pain lessen. And let me re-evaluate some people in my life. Bring it on, life. For this is growing older. This is growing wiser. This is taking what I deserve. This is holding myself up. Respecting and loving me… and allowing the love that I have to be washed over those that stick around.

Priorities

June 30, 2015

I feel like a lot of events happen in our life and we don’t see or feel the significance of them until later… till after the dust settles. Then you look back on those times and see what you learned and be grateful for the experience.

Right now is not one of those moments. It’s not one that I need to wait to look on. I see this intersection as plain as myself in the mirror. This is a defining moment.

I’ve had a few friend issues lately. Multiple friends. These issues are propagating from a few people I’d consider to be my “deeper” relationships. It makes me question all the way down to the relationships’ foundation. And not just the foundation of those individual friendships, but to the whole way I go about picking, forming, grooming, and pruning (or lack of pruning) my friends.

I’ve come to realize the value I place on the people in my life. And the bond I have with them. I’ve more importantly come to realize that not all people place this much weight on said relationships. And it’s been through heart break after heart break that I’m finally coming to see this… and actually I didn’t even see it on my own. A friend that I was chatting out these “issues” with suggested it… and It was the biggest light bulb I’ve had since my first week at my first job when I realized saying “I don’t know” is the smartest thing you can say.

We all have a value system. And its all just a list of priorities. This whole friendship deal… That one is high on my list. Other people have their priorities in another order. And it doesn’t make it wrong. It just makes it painful for me at times. But what am I doing that is paining them? Maybe I’m belittling one of their higher priorities. Gah! I sure hope I don’t hurt someone the way I’m hurting right now.

Anyway, this intersection of my life: What will I do with my light bulb moment? Do I cast off the “friends” with a priority list that is completely different than mine? Do I settle for friends that don’t give anything, while I do my circus, hoop jumping act on a regular basis? I don’t know. I don’t know what is right. Maybe there’s a balance I have to find. I do know that I’m in pain today. I’m not scared of pain… but, who wouldn’t rather not be in pain? Do my priories mean that I have to settle on my friendships?

I don’t know… I just know I’m at a cross roads. And I also think I need to change something. But I’m not sure what, and I don’t know to what extent.

And I’m trying not to throw too much of a pity party about it, but I’m really trying to meditate on what I can truly do to either “fix” it or what perspective I need to change to shift it.

Thinking out loud today….