Posts Tagged ‘playing with fire’

more on mitch

March 8, 2016

We were hanging out a lot last spring and summer. He was living with his girlfriend of 3 years and they just moved about 2 miles away. We would go on bike rides. Grab beers. Hang out. He’s so fun to be around. He’s a happy guy. Great beard. So so handsome. Goofy. Up for adventrue. No, not just up for adventure. He makes the adventures happen.

I went through my blog knowing I’d written about him last summer, but alas, I did not. I don’t know how he slipped through the cracks. But of course when me and M broke up in June(ish?) and I was not particularly excited about men in general. Plus, he had a live in girlfriend so to me it was all on the up and up…. for the most part.

He made it clear that he liked me. But… I was distracted enough with the on-again-off-again pattern me and M had that I could easily say, “Sorry, I’ve been on both sides of the infidelity train and I promise you don’t want to do that.” So we continued as friends. Easy as that.

Then, late last summer he announces that he and his girlfriend had broken up. Now, I already knew that he had been debating this a long time. He had been teetering on this trigger for a solid year. I couldn’t believe someone that complacent would just kind of let the time go by. He was busy with school. They lived together. It was easy. They didn’t not get along… he just knew that she wasn’t the one. So when she started talking engagement and wedding he knew it was time I guess. Too bad he couldn’t have done that sooner for her sake, but such as life sometimes.

Anyway, when he was single, then I was single we increased our hang outs. We still didn’t cross any lines, and honestly this confused me. But I wasn’t going to push a damn thing. I had just found Sir T. So, it was a hell of a lot easier for me to not cross into the gray area with him because I didn’t want to have to ask permission for anything. Total sub move, right?! And mitch seemed satisfied with our friendship.

Anyway, before he disappeared to his new girlfriend and I disappeared to my boyfriend… we managed a make out session. Great kisser. But that is where we left it.

Anyway, we are going to a concert tonight. I’m pretty excited to see him. I haven’t seen him since September. And last night I had a dream that me and him went drinking and passed out on my couch. It was fun in my dream! Maybe we’ll make that happen tonight. 😀

Again, I know. I’m in a situation where  I know I don’t want to cheat on Andy, but I’m playing with fire. Will this be the rest of my life? I’m not trying to lie to myself about the situation. I’m happy to be hanging out with my friend tonight. And we’ll see what happens. But the goal is to keep up those boundaries. He knows about Andy, and he hasn’t pushed the lines so far. I don’t get worried about this till I start typing about it… I’m over thinking this.

Advertisements

panman

December 19, 2015

Thru the community on fetlife I’ve made a new friend. I’ll refer to him as PanMan. Let me back up a bit.

I wrote about a vetting I went to a few months back. I met several people that added me on fet that night. That night I came home to a message from PanMan… he basically was saying it was nice to meet me and thought we’d have a good time if we played together. Well, at the time I thought this was incredibly audacious because I was sitting next to Sir the entire time. To be fair, Sir was pretty stoic the whole time. So I can see how PanMan might not have recognized our connection. I’m not sure if that was him protecting me or if that was just extincts and establishing his Dom presence among a room full of d/s types. I don’t know. Either way… It wasn’t a bad thing except when someone tried to introduce themselves. He had a huge wall up for whatever reason. Even so far as to not even turn his head in the direction of someone who was talking. I found it a bit odd… but didn’t question it.

Anyway, about the message. I made simple chitchat back. I kept up all the right boundaries and said it was nice meeting a Dom around my age. I don’t see that too often in this bible belt state. “Keep in touch.” We had a short back and forth after that. He recognized my point. And in the few days after that me and Sir made ourselves fetlife official. Claimed out loud. I was happy about it.

As we all know, me and Sir ended shortly after that. PanMan messaged me recently. We’ve been chatting. He’s one of those people that are really easy to get close to because he doesn’t feel the need to hold much back. It’s easy to reciprocate that.

The only thing about it is the boundaries. It’s not a gray area relationship. We are very much just friends. It’s his words. He is very complimentary. And I don’t hate that. Who would hate that?? He makes it very clear I am his type and he is attracted to me. But it’s just in words. He isn’t trying to make a move. And I feel very confident he won’t.

Maybe there isn’t a problem here. I do enjoy this friendship quite a bit. He’s had a rough patch. He’s a good talker and a good listener. Great sense of humor. I love when humor meshes like this. And truth be told he is really good for my self-esteem.

Am I playing with fire here? I would hate to hurt Andy in anyway. I would also hate if I was keeping a friendship just for my own ego… I don’t think I’m doing that here. I guess I’m just hoping I am not lying to myself about all this.