Posts Tagged ‘play partners’

my current scene :-/

December 13, 2017

So… where am I in the bdsm scene?

My daddy/dom friggin eloped.

I’m sad mostly because I found out about this thru fucking facebook. Ugh!

I was hardly playing with him lately because of his current relationship. Him and his girlfriend opened up their relationship for him to have me (specifically just me) as a play partner as long as she knew as little as possible about when/where/details of it all. So basically he had to sneak around to make it happen… and he wasn’t good at it. And that was a hard role to play. I hated feeling like the other woman. HATED IT. So we weren’t playing very often. 😦

Then he eloped. And I’m pissed. He wants to continue, but I just don’t like this. It doesn’t feel good. And if it doesn’t feel good…. then, why do it?

So, how’s my bdsm life? Non fucking existent.

I did get back on fetlife… but there is no one impressive at all. I’ve chatted with one guy for a bit… and I MIGHT meet him now that daddy is out of the equation.

The build up

June 9, 2017

I get on my knees and lower my chin. His text said he’d be here at 5:03… Just like him to be so precise… And you know what? It’ll be exactly 5:03. It’ 5:01 now.

2 minutes seems like an eternity. This longing comes from deep inside of me. It builds and builds something I can’t quite put into words.

Today has been on the calendar for weeks. I hate that I only see him once a month. But it’s how it must be…. Because of Her. I hate that there’s a her. Truth be told, there’s a him too. But… anyway.

I feel the ground under my knees. It gets harder every second. But I like it. It’s for him. He deserves it. It deserves all my sacrifice. All the pain. All the passion.

I wish I could see my phone. Has it been a minute yet? 2?

My body jolts when I hear a car door close. His car door. My chest is filling up. It’s going to explode!

Panic sets in for a second… Am I ready? Am I perfect? hair, braided. Clothes, off. Toys, cleaned. Room, ready for play time. Candles, lit. Yes, it’s perfect.

The door knob rattled matching her own nerves. I force myself to keep my chin and eyes down. Hands in lap. Chest bear save for the necklace he bought me last year on our 3 year anniversary.

The door opens. Slowly. Always slowly. He knows whats happening inside of me and he loves to exploit that. Jerk. Ugh… but I love it. I can’t wait to feel his hand on my chin. Permission to me to look into those beautiful endless eyes.

He takes his time, as usual. He slowly undresses. And stands over me. I don’t know how long this goes on. My body aches so badly for his touch. But I’d just give anything to just look up at him! But I dare not sneak a peak before permission is granted. It’s ok. It makes it better. And he knows it. Oh how he loves what he does to me. Can you imagine having power over someone without even touching them? It’s haunting.

“Baby girl.” He whispers… The huskiness in his voice makes it almost inaudible at that decibel… but I know exactly what he said. I hear it in my sleep sometimes. I wake up in tears when I realize he’s not holding me. But he’s here now.

Finally! I tremble as his hand guides my gaze up to his. It never ceases to amaze me how powerful this moment is after all these years. I couldn’t live knowing this moment would never happen again. This. Like gravity… a law of physics in my life. Always, with no exception pulling me in.

As I match his gaze he gets bigger and bigger. Maybe I do hold some power after all. He taps the side of my face with his growing cock. I follow the cue and devour it. I’m instantly wet. And he instantly snaps to full size. My insides want so much. The desire within me is growing in volume that it consumes my ears… Of course in reality all that is escaping from me are the quiet moans as I take him deep into my mouth. I grab both sides of his hips with my two hands. It came out a little more forceful than I expected it to. I steal a glance at his face to see if he noticed. He most definitely did! He leans down. With one even motion he cups my elbows and lifts me off my knees and throws me onto the bed.

I let out a giggle as a wicked grin appears on his face.


August 25, 2015

It’s amazing what adding two photos, a longer descriptions, and giving a little love to a few photos will do for you on fetlife.

One picture is of my face… sort of. Half of my face super close up. This is, of course, in hopes to not make myself too recognizable, but show off my beautiful face 🙂 (Hey, I have terrible body issues, but ain’t nothing wrong with this mug!) And the second is of my body… Shorts and a black tank top with the phone strategically placed over my face. Now, if guys respond I won’t feel fake about having to prove to myself I have a worthy body. It’s out there for them to see BEFORE they message, or respond. Phew!

I took off the “newb” and added what I’m truly looking for. I know what I want. So… I took ownership of it.

I’ve gotten a few responses. It’s fairly easy to weed out the guys that claim Dom and the guys that are the real deal.

The posers:

  • They want nudes, like, yesterday. Um… excuse me? I just “met” you. I may be kink… but that does not make me easy. Truth be told, I don’t know how my willingness is tied to my body image… I’m not gonna say I wouldn’t be all about some nude selfies if I thought I could rock these stretch marks. LOL. BUT STILL… have some respect. Show interest in my heart and mind because even if it’s a play relationship it still is A RELATIONSHIP of sorts. The d/s bond is fucking amazing… and I need to see that you value that too. It starts in conversation one.
  • They want to clear the air with sex. “It’s been so long that it is probably necessary for your well being that we start that way.” WHAT. :-\ Don’t make me (sarcastic) laugh. If I thought you couldn’t control yourself, we are not playing together EVER. No matter how long it’s been. What this is code for is that this isn’t a Dom. It’s a man that likes it rough. A man that just wants sex and doesn’t care who he gets it from. Again… this is SUPPOSED to be a relationship. There’s give and take to it. I’m not going to be a random place holder. That only hurts my heart. Been there. Done that. And done WITH that.
  • Talking about sex on the first meet up!!? No. Having a play date on the first day I see you in person?? No. No. No. There are exceptions to this… but it’s not what I’m looking for.
  • They talk about condoms right off the bat. “I don’t do gloves.” Well, actually…. “Yes, I am on birth control.” But 1) I REALLY REALLY don’t want a kid 2) I DON’T KNOW YOU! 3) The latest stat is 1 out of every 3 people has some sort of STD/STI…. Let’s take our time here, k? K. In fact. Why aren’t YOU more worried? I don’t mind proving my clean bill of health, and I can expect the same.

The more legitimate ones will start with questions about my preferences. About my expectations. About my hopes and dreams and future aspirations that have nothing to do with my body or what my body can do for them. They ask about my experiences in the community. How I got to where I am today. Why this is what I want. They genuinely want to know what they are walking into. They know that my weaknesses will be their responsibility. They know that I’m entrusting them with me and my safely. They have a full rounded perspective of what this means. And they cannot begin to tell you the appreciation that much trust gives them. They know how much they will be asking of me.

I’m pretty pumped about the possibility of 2 of them. One in particular. But more on him later.

Here’s to a better week than last!