Posts Tagged ‘lying’

friend confusion

June 12, 2015

I’ve had some come-to-jesus moments when it comes to my best friend in the last few weeks…. Let me start with the positives.

I LOVE this girl. She NEVER judges me. She knows all the scandalous and shameful things i’ve ever done. I like having that person I talk to several times a week. I like that all I really have to do is catch her up on the last 24 hours. It’s so easy. She gives me advice. She doesn’t hate me when I don’t take it. But I do sometimes and I never regret that. She lets me know when I’m being crazy and if I’m way off base or no longer living in reality. She lets me keep my hope if it doesn’t hurt anyone, but she grounds me as well when she knows she needs to. She just knows when I need one or the other. She cares about my feelings and feels my pain. Shares in my happiness. One of my favorite people on the planet. IN THE UNIVERSE AND BEYOND!

But lately…. I must admit I’m seeing all the warts and feeling the pain of her negative qualities. And they are overshadowing her good.

She sees no problem in manipulating me for the outcome she wants. Some times she doesn’t even recognize that she is doing it. She’ll twist the truth to satisfy me or talk me into things… even tho I’ll find out if I don’t already suspect. And should I really suspect she is lying about certain things… SHe’s clingy. REALLY clingy. Which is fine if she currently has a boyfriend… because her first choice (mine also) is to cling to him. But if there isn’t a ‘him’ then I get the pleasure.

And I love chilling out with her and spending time with her, but I NEED MY ALONE TIME. And she never needs it. She calls me on the way home from work and doesn’t mind showing up afterwork til bedtime… every day. I get tired. I need sleep. I absolutely do not function well with poor sleep habits for multiple days in a row. And she has no problem keeping me up past midnight every night. It wears me out. I have to tell her no just so I can get a free night to watch netflix, and go to bed early.

She throws me under the bus when she needs to, usually its with her mom or a boyfriend. She’ll expose to my flaws and my shameful choices (the ones that we should be keeping secret for each other because of the best friend code) to prove she is better than me… even if she has to flat out lie about it. Her mom HATES me because of the picture she paints of me to her mom to save her own ass. I don’t think I could EVER do that.

Recently I had a traumatic experience – I was sexually assaulted – and instead of comforting me like I expected from her she blamed the fact that I turned her down to an invitation to hang out. “If you would’ve hung out with me that wouldn’t have happened. And honestly it makes me feel bad that you won’t hang out with me.” I was cut to the core. Insult added to injury! I’ll have you know this particular week I hung out with her 4 out of 7 days. I don’t know that I can forgive her for this reaction. It’s something that looks awfully close to the last straw…. Who makes their friends traumatic experience about themselves? My mind was BLOWN!

But I can’t seem to give her up. I feel like I need her. And she was a rockstar for me thru my divorce. She made sure I was getting out there… that I wasn’t sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. She pulled me out and held me up. She gave me things in those terrible months that I didn’t even know I needed.

Maybe I just need to vent. I don’t know that I can ever be okay with her manipulation which treads awfully close to lying… and her putting me down to others when it behooves her. sigh… my heart is a little broken by her… and I want to forgive her, but do I need to start creating some distance… maybe place a few more boundaries up? Or just go on and love her despite herself? We all have flaws… these are just the ones I should look past? I need to meditate on this more. I’m sad that I’m even having to contemplate about her in this manner. I need some advice.

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another dating disaster

November 18, 2014

Welp, I’m trying.

Met up with a guy I have seen a few times. It was his birthday and he was watching Sunday football at a restaurant/bar with a few friends. I wasn’t going to stay long, but it was his birthday and he asked me to come. When I sit I immediately get the feeling that his friends are not quite his friends. In their defense, this guy was being obnoxiously loud. He had been here drinking beer for the last 2 or 4 hours…. I wasn’t quite sure. His volume was even embarrassing me! And I’ve only hung out with him enough to think i wanted to continue to see where this goes.

I have 2 beers. I feel good about two beers. I had a huge lunch and wasn’t feeling it in the least. It’s 7:30pm… not too late. I think i’m about to leave for a few reasons. 1) Let him hang with his “friends” on his birthday. They were talking about going out afterwards and i didn’t want to be what stood in his way if he wanted. 2) I have to be at work early in the morning so its not an option in my mind. He talks me into one more beer… bribed me with my favorite… which i don’t even remember telling him. How thoughtful.

I finish that up, lean over, and tell him I’m heading out. He insists on coming with me. “Ok.” I never invited him, but it’s kind of nice that he wants to hang out longer. Its 8:00 pm… I can kick him out at 10pm and still get plenty of sleep. We walk out together. I ask if he is good to drive…. against my better ¬†judgement he got behind his wheel. I told him I needed gas first but that I’ll be right behind him. I get gas. I get home. I take my dog out. I pick up a little. I return a phone call to my mom from earlier. I’m started to worry. He should’ve beat me here. I call him with no answer. Panic is rising and I’m cursing myself for letting him drive.

45 minutes later he calls. Relief sweeps over me. “Can i still come over? I’m on my way.” At this point its almost 9pm… and I’m less excited about him coming over. It’s starting to be unsettling… not to mention how much worry I just went through. So, okay, he’s coming now…. so I wait. and I wait. and I wait. I start to worry again! I call him. No answer. I call a friend for a few reasons. 1) to pass the time and 2) to talk me off this cliff of panic that I’m inching towards…. but there’s a hint of something else settling in as well… is that anger??? Why yes! It is! Where the f*** is he?! If he didn’t want to come over he didn’t have to! I didn’t even ask him!

At 10pm, 2 hours since we left the bar, I text him to tell him not to bother coming. “Text to tell me that everything is okay but I’m headed to bed.” He calls immediately. “I’m lost. I just got mugged. I don’t know where I am.” I ask him what’s the last thing he remembers, but before I can finish he knows where he is…. I find out he still has his car… he says he’s been beaten with a tire iron after pulling over to help a guy with a flat tire…. I wish I could tell you my first reaction was to find out he was ok… but all i can think is BULL SHIT!

“Beaten and left for dead” with your car… and your phone… and you sound fine… is this guy for real? And you what? “Can I still come over?” um………… seriously?

He can’t believe that I don’t believe him. I tell him to just call me tomorrow. We can talk when he is sober. He says okay, he sounds mad and hangs up. He calls back a few more times. Each time I tell him to stop calling and we can talk tomorrow. I finally stop answering the phone. I can’t turn my phone off because I’m on-call for work. But he calls 6 mores times between the hours of 11 and 2:30am. He leaves me 4 voice mails and each one he gets more and more drunk. I can barely make out the last one. In the first one, I can tell he is still driving… and its 12:20 am. He says something about going out… and turning around. In another one I can tell he is out at a bar. In the very last one I’m pretty sure I hear a drunken “I love you” which I can’t help but roll my eyes.

I don’t know about you but if i just got beaten up on the side of the highway i wouldn’t be worried about either a guy I just started dating or going out to a bar…

The next day he calls and apologizes. Wants to “make it up to me” but I don’t know that i’m invested enough to deal… was this truly a stupid drunken string of bad decisions? because I’m more inclined to believe half of it was BS. 100% made up! I don’t know him well enough to know whether this is a normal thing for him or not! Only parts of his story change… like instead of a tire iron he was kicked. He never mentioned the pulling over to help a car again… he just says “I was drunk, I got lost, you got mad” that’s his story. He tries to tell me he went home after the mugging, but the voice mails say different so he has to concede that one. On top of all that he tries to blame MY trust issues for making all this a big deal. Maybe so, but if you can’t trust your gut what can you trust?

It’s a shame tho… I was really liking him. oh well…