Posts Tagged ‘hospital’

hospital part 3

December 27, 2016

Over the next few days I needed help getting out of bed. I didn’t eat for 2 full
days…. if you know me you know this is a huge indicator of illness. I’m the kind
of girl that binge eats even with the stomach flu. I’m all about some food. I am
an addict…

And food was not an option. Even with pain meds I couldn’t. Not only was it a bad
idea I was terrified of food. How could food betray me like this. What else was it
capable of??!

I’d take a few sips of clear fluids… that’s about it. I was hooked up to an IV
drip so I knew I wasn’t going to dehydrate to death and as far as I was concerned
that’s the most I needed til my tummy sorted itself out.

I felt like I had been doing crunches and leg lifts and knee raises for 24 hours
straight. Everything inside me was swollen. It hurt so badly. Dilauded was an
around the clock event for me. I couldn’t sleep for longer than 4 hours straight
because I would wake up in pain. With the help of the antibiotics my white blood
cell count got within normal range in about 48 hours.

At this point I started feeling a lot better. I was still weak and I was still
unable to eat but I was finally able to take in my surroundings. I started to loathe
peeing in a toilet that had a pee catcher in it. It was cold and wet and sitting
on it felt disgusting. I started smelling like the hospital. I was ready to not be
here any more.

As my friends were getting back into town from their thanksgiving breaks they came
to see me. I am so blessed to have such a great solid foundation of family and
friends. The second night I was there my sister stayed with me, and my brother
stayed the following night. I gave everyone the night off for my final night as I
was able to do things by myself again. Turned out to be a bit too ambitious, but I got through it.

I asked to go home after my third night and the doctors basically told me to shut
up, sit back, and be a patient. I was “very sick”. Oh yeah. I forgot. I mean I
knew I didn’t feel normal. And I knew there was pain… but I forgot that the
hospital was where I NEEDED to be. It’s humbling and weird being the patient…
Like, why all the fuss over little ole me? Oh yeah, I’m sick. Why was denial such a real thing here?

But since I expressed my desire to go home the doctor switched me to all oral meds instead of IV meds and took away my iv pain meds too. Shucks! But It was worth it to get out of that place! So from then on it was just Tylenol. Which by far wasn’t enough but I was determined. If that went well for the next 24 hours I could go home.

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hospital part 2

December 27, 2016

I’m curled up onto my ex-husband in the waiting room for all of 2 minutes before my name is called. I’m so grateful. The pain. Just take the pain away… it’s the only thought I have. I b-line (with assistance) to the wheel chair no one offered me… but I knew I couldn’t stand much less walk on my own. Pain.

Someone is wheeling me thru a few door ways. The tunnel is closing in. “Pass out. I’m going to pass out.” “No you aren’t, hun.” White fuzzies take over my entire line of vision. But I never lose consciousness. Another woman barks at me to take off everything from the waist up. I can’t. “I can’t.” “Yes you can. Move to the bed please.” I can’t. “Help.” She pats the bed. I somehow pull off the sweatshirt my brother put on me. And peel off the tiny camisole I stripped down to when I got home from work that afternoon.

I even manage to get on the bed. She’s asking me questions. I can’t answer in more than 2 syllables. I can hardly concentrate on their words. Pain. Please fix my pain. My inner dialog… pain. take the pain away. please help with the pain. “where does it hurt. what kind of pain. how many times have you puked. Do you have gall bladder problems” ON and on and on with the questions. I moan and grunt my way thru. I guess she is satisfied. She leaves. Why didn’t she fix my pain?

The next lady comes in with a jug, A BIG ASS JUG, of liquid. “Okay, hon. You have to drink this for the CT.” More inner dialog. I can’t take a sip of water without puking painfully. There is no way in hell that is staying down and zero chance of me giving it the opportunity. “Ice or no ice, hon?” What is ice? PAIN PAIN PAIN. “Do you want it orange flavored?” Orange? What is orange? More grunting. I must have answered because she threw out the ice and added the orange powder to the jug. She stares at me for a few seconds longer. “I’m just going to set this right here.” She leaves.

The other lady comes back in and shoots a few things into my IV. THANK GOD. It wasn’t life altering but at least it settled my stomach and took the edge off. By this point my whole torso hurt and my stomach was spasming with each exhale and inhale. This was improvement. I started being able to speak. I asked for my mom. They found her and she came to sit with me. She helped me drink the jug of liquid I needed for the CT contrast later.

The CT scan showed that my bowels were completely inflamed. The doctor used the phrase “rip roaring-ly inflamed”. My blood work showed that my white blood cell count was up at 36k. Healthy range is 4k-10k. After that they busted out the good stuff and treated me a lot nicer. Holy f&*#ing $h!t…. Dilaudid is amazing. Felt like a cloud came up around me and enveloped me. Finally relief! and sleep. I was so so grateful. Me and my mom only waited another hour before they admitted me and we were both able to get better rest. I was so glad she was there. I felt awful that she was up all night and worrying with me, but nothing is better at your sickbed than your mommy.

day after thanksgiving (hospital part 1)

December 27, 2016

The very next day after thanksgiving I worked a half day. I came home. I played with my nephew, saw my nephew and sister off to their next holiday location, and took a nap.

When I woke up I had pain in my upper stomach. It was significant. I figured I was paying for my fudge and cake consumption. I had this coming. Fair enough. But soon after I started throwing up. Then I thought maybe it’s something my body just needed to get rid of. Something didn’t sit right. The body is good at detoxing in that way. Just let it run its course out… in whatever direction it chose.

2 hours later I’m still puking and now I’m in cold sweats and too weak to make it to the bathroom. I started out throwing up in the toilet. Rinsing my mouth and blowing my nose in between each episode before returning to my bed. Now I’m puking off the side of my bed into my trash can and wiping my mouth on my sheets… rolling back onto my pillow to try to gather myself for the next violent hurl.

3 hours in… I can’t even think straight enough to find my phone. People shouldn’t live alone. I couldn’t think. Much less type or even see straight enough to text. The pain was increasing with each episode. I’ve lost count. I can’t move except for when I try to aim at the trash can.

4 hours in… The pain continues to increase. I finally know this isn’t just something my body is going to get rid of. There’s nothing left. I’m in need of help. I reach out and relief flooded me when my phone was within just a few grabs away. I call my sister… I’m not sure why. She isn’t even in the state any more. Advice… I need advice. What do I do? But the real question is what could I do. This phone call was already stretching my capabilities. She tells me to hang up and call help right away… did she mention my ex or did I go there instinctively? My next phone call was to my ex husband. All I can muster is “Help”.

He shows up with my brother. (quick reminder: they live together. Also they were about to head out of town for a hunting trip.) They assess me. I’m bad. Very very bad. If I walked into me like that I would’ve loaded up my poor self and gone straight to the ER. But these boys just experienced a stomach virus a week prior. They figured it was the same. So we wait it out some more… I’m in and out of sleep and vomit and pain induced rocking.

6 hours in… I can’t take the pain any longer. This is not passing. This is something else. I tell them in as few syllables as possible that it’s hospital time. They tell me I need to get dressed, but I can’t imagine moving. This commute is already too hard for me. These boys jump right in. They dress me. They carry me. They find my insurance card with the rare grunts I can muster. Somewhere along the way my mom joins the party.

My little brother is my rock star in this moment. He takes care of the front desk and paperwork and whatever else it might take to get me help.

a quick catch up

December 4, 2016
  • My vegas trip was amazing! Including exclusive open bar happy hours at the top of super tall hotels, steak dinners, limo rides, floor seats at a concert, so much alcohol. All at no expense to me. It was so much fun! I also found enough people to randomly go sight seeing with me and help me get the vegas experience. I’ll probably never be wined and dined like that ever again. It was so much fun to feel important!

 

  • I had the best Thanksgiving with my baby brother, my sister, and her 5 month old. I was really sad approaching thanksgiving week because my family wasn’t getting together. My mom was going on vacation with her fiance and my other brother (who has been hosting such events since my parents’ divorce) hadn’t bothered reaching out about it. I felt a bit orphaned and abandoned. Then I realized that all my other siblings probably felt the same. So I organized a tiny, semi-non-traditional Thanksgiving just for us. It was better than I could’ve imagined.

 

  • After cooking the thanksgiving dinner, tho, I spent the next 4 days in the hospital… classic huh? The very first time I try to cook something more than fudge…. and I end up almost killing my innards. Thankfully, somehow, my brother and sister were unaffected.

 

  • There’s this boy. I’ve been trying to figure him out. I’ll say more about him soon. But I think I finally realized he’s sticking.

 

  • I’ve been sooooo busy at work all month. I blame my blog falling into last priority on my work. Besides not having time to write at work (yeah…. I do that) I have not wanted to look at a computer screen once leaving work! Also, and completely related I hate work WAAAAYYYY less than this past summer.

 

There’s my quick catch up. I’ll expand on all of these next!