Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

thanksgiving 2016

December 20, 2016

So thanksgiving was coming up and I was really dreading it. It’s just not the same since 1) I’ve been working for a retail company and 2) my parent’s split up. Our family doesn’t have a home base anymore, ya know? So plans don’t come together well at all.

My mom decided to take her vacation with her fiance during that week because last year was so disastrous. I don’t blame her one bit. My 2 oldest brothers and my sister have their families that they can build plans around. And my dad? He always crashes some poor neighbor’s thanksgiving. That left me and my little brother all orphaned.

On top of that I was on-call and I only got that Thursday off from work. Nothing seemed to be shaping up into a traditional holiday. I was sad over it.

Less than a week to thanksgiving I talk to my sister and find out she plans on being in my area so that her son’s father can have him for the week. This means she’d be staying with me for several days! So I called my little brother and asked if he’d like to do a meal at my place.

My place = 1 bedroom apartment with no place for even a dining room table. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t all hang out and eat awkwardly off my coffee table together!

The night before my sister tells me she’s running a day late… You heard me. Lol… a full day late. Instead of coming in Wednesday afternoon she had to take advantage of an opportunity I don’t blame her for. So she’ll be there around 3pm on Thanksgiving day. Anyway, Wednesday night my little brother comes over to help cook.

Actually he ended up being the bartender while I baked and prepped. It was a lot of fun. After we consumed a few eggnog cocktails he wanted to show off his new car. Responsible order, I know… But the cocktails were so involved we didn’t have much before heading out. SWEAR! As we round a few blocks we decide to go to my favorite and closest bar. We had a few beers.

Me and my little brother have gotten so close in the last 3 years. We are both in the same area. We’ve both had a few hard times. I guess that makes for some good bonding fodder. We talk about really in depth things. Family things. Significant other things. Past things. Future things. And doing it over a few beers is ALWAYS more productive when you just kind of ramble and offshoot from every topic that keeps rolling in. I had the best time.

The next day he came over early. Cooked me breakfast. And we spent the rest of the day watching movies, drinking beer, cooking, and anticipating my sister’s (and her 4 month old’s) arrival.

Over all it was a fantastic few days. I didn’t realize how much fun it was being the host of big holiday. As in, being in charge of the cooking. It was so much fun! We didn’t do a whole lot of traditional stuff, but it was special none-the-less.

I’m glad I could offer my siblings a place to come through a holiday that use to be so full of such a solid family. It’s not like it use to be… but I see new traditions forming for the future 🙂

Advertisements

pity party

December 16, 2015

We had our Christmas luncheon today for work. They try to make it fun for us. They always have a skit or a talent show or something planned. Always a fun time. Usually I’m part of the entertainment. This year I wasn’t asked. And I didn’t think much about it. Was happy I wouldn’t have to practice for something and experience soooooo many nerves the day of.

So I head to the lunch. I car pool with a few of the guys on my team. Turns out that they did have a skit planned… and a few songs performed.

It was a Family Feud skit. How fun, right?! WRONG. BIG FAT WRONG. It would’ve been hilarious. Okay, I did enjoy most of it, but my ex-husband was in the skit. Ugh. Great. I can deal. We get along. Just hate his presence being thrown in my face all the damn time.

Like, when I get on facebook. I’ve taken great care to make sure he doesn’t pop up on my feed. On any social media for that matter. But when I get on facebook or snapchat and I see my little brother (who currently lives in my old house with my ex husband and ex dog) post pics of my old fire place with my dog it hits me really really hard. My little brother IS ON A DAMN CHRISTMAS CARD with my ex and his friends this year. So so so sensitive is my family towards me, right? I FUCKING HATE IT.

Anyway, the ex exits the stage. Raffle drawing. Christmas cake. Yada yada yada. “And two beautiful ladies have prepared a song to sing for us.”

This is the sort of situation that a flask was created for… Or you know that pill that people get embedded under the skin between their index finger and thumb with a poisonous pill that kills you instantly…?

Who gets up? My ex husband’s ex mistress. And singing about Mary and baby Jesus no less!

To round out the wonderful day I had I come home to a message from my family saying we aren’t doing our Christmas thing til the 26th… and that we can’t crash with them at all… I’ll have to get a hotel and I can’t bring my pup. Thanks for the full 10 days notice. Original plan? Wee were all bunking at my brothers on Christmas eve after a Christmas eve service together. We were going to play cards and drink eggnog.  I was taking my pup, and we were all going to wake up and open gifts and drink coffee. It’s tradition.

I’m pissed at my brother for changing plans. And I cry when I’m mad. So I’m going to bed with tear filled eyes, and puffy cheeks from wiping tears away. And inviting my pillow to join me. Rational or not, I’m indulging in this pity party. HMPH!

This year

October 30, 2014

Last year through the holidays I was dreading the fact that this year would look sooooo much different.

Flash back to last year Thanksgiving: Me and my husband had been in counseling for 2 months. To say we were on the rocks would be grossly under exaggerating the situation. We both were working towards working it all out, but our affection towards each other was basically non-existent. If there was “affection” it was forced and terribly uncomfortable. Completely stressful. Being around family was incredibly difficult. There was constant talk about planning babies with my parents or siblings that were in that stage of marriage. Killed me. Everything about it. No one knew we were having issues. We thought we’d work through it and no one would have to be the wiser.

Flash back to Christmas of last year: We had been separated for exactly 12 days. We still weren’t telling our families. We shared a bed at my brother’s house, then at his parents’ house. I don’t know how I held it together. We hadn’t decided on getting a divorce yet, but the thought of how next year would look was haunting me every second. Every. Single. Second. I got through the holidays only having to tell my mom and my sister because of logistics and having to have them stay with me and such. They’d quickly figure out that my husband wasn’t staying at home, so I had no choice.

Flash back to new years last year: We both attended the same party… but we didn’t show up together. He left before midnight to go to another party with… who knows.

Well, the divorce has been finalized for almost 4 months now… and we are rapidly approaching Thanksgiving. And while part of me wants to be a hermit this holiday season… hide from family… the other part of me is just happy to not be hiding anything.

Since then my brother and his wife have announced the arrival of their first child. So so so happy for them. I feel oddly connected to the child already. But I ache at the same time. This is where I should be too. And back at square one. Not even dating anyone.

I know there will be tears over being alone this season. I know someone will say something without thinking about it… It’s happened so many times already. I’m bracing myself. I am strong. I can do this. I know there will be tears, but I am happy with my decision. I am so good with it. I am a better person now than I was. I know me better. I love myself more. This was a positive change in my life. Wonder why the holidays does this to a person… I’m sure I’ll perfect my “happy place” and self preservation tactics. But otherwise, I’m just going to try and enjoy my siblings and get excited with my sister in law about the baby. And get to know my mom and dad’s new boyfriend/girlfriend…. That’ll be fun.

So much different this year! and I knew it would be! But lets hope i’m pleasantly surprised. Maybe i’ll just try to keep track of all the unbelievably insensitive remarks for funny anecdotes later. Might make its own blog post… who knows! strike comedic gold! 🙂 I’m a silver-lining-ist… remember!

Welp, that’s all I got for now.