Posts Tagged ‘hanging out’

more on mitch

March 8, 2016

We were hanging out a lot last spring and summer. He was living with his girlfriend of 3 years and they just moved about 2 miles away. We would go on bike rides. Grab beers. Hang out. He’s so fun to be around. He’s a happy guy. Great beard. So so handsome. Goofy. Up for adventrue. No, not just up for adventure. He makes the adventures happen.

I went through my blog knowing I’d written about him last summer, but alas, I did not. I don’t know how he slipped through the cracks. But of course when me and M broke up in June(ish?) and I was not particularly excited about men in general. Plus, he had a live in girlfriend so to me it was all on the up and up…. for the most part.

He made it clear that he liked me. But… I was distracted enough with the on-again-off-again pattern me and M had that I could easily say, “Sorry, I’ve been on both sides of the infidelity train and I promise you don’t want to do that.” So we continued as friends. Easy as that.

Then, late last summer he announces that he and his girlfriend had broken up. Now, I already knew that he had been debating this a long time. He had been teetering on this trigger for a solid year. I couldn’t believe someone that complacent would just kind of let the time go by. He was busy with school. They lived together. It was easy. They didn’t not get along… he just knew that she wasn’t the one. So when she started talking engagement and wedding he knew it was time I guess. Too bad he couldn’t have done that sooner for her sake, but such as life sometimes.

Anyway, when he was single, then I was single we increased our hang outs. We still didn’t cross any lines, and honestly this confused me. But I wasn’t going to push a damn thing. I had just found Sir T. So, it was a hell of a lot easier for me to not cross into the gray area with him because I didn’t want to have to ask permission for anything. Total sub move, right?! And mitch seemed satisfied with our friendship.

Anyway, before he disappeared to his new girlfriend and I disappeared to my boyfriend… we managed a make out session. Great kisser. But that is where we left it.

Anyway, we are going to a concert tonight. I’m pretty excited to see him. I haven’t seen him since September. And last night I had a dream that me and him went drinking and passed out on my couch. It was fun in my dream! Maybe we’ll make that happen tonight. 😀

Again, I know. I’m in a situation where  I know I don’t want to cheat on Andy, but I’m playing with fire. Will this be the rest of my life? I’m not trying to lie to myself about the situation. I’m happy to be hanging out with my friend tonight. And we’ll see what happens. But the goal is to keep up those boundaries. He knows about Andy, and he hasn’t pushed the lines so far. I don’t get worried about this till I start typing about it… I’m over thinking this.

who’s your mommy

January 27, 2016

So I met one of PanMan’s play partners last night. I had on my calendar to hang out with him. On the way he informed me that he had a friend over… “okay….” that’s cool I guess. I walk in and she’s standing in the kitchen. She’s slightly older. But hardly older than me to even mention.

But it IS worth mentioning. She wasn’t old but she was old. Let me try to rephrase this.

I walked in and immediately felt unconditionally valued by this woman. It was the way she hugged me. It was the way she let her body brush against mine. It was the way she let me rest my knee on her thigh. It was the way she treated me. She pet me. She let my little come out. She was only older in the fact that *I* drew out her mommy side. And in turn I became her kitten. And it felt right. It was instantaneous.

We all three chatted together. Listened to music that I don’t normally expose myself to. We talked about the community. The play parties I miss in my vanilla world. The weather. Her child. Her childhood. Mine. The way PanMan looks at me. The way I let him.

She ran her fingers through my hair and I leaned into it. It was a unique touch. It wasn’t one of lust or anything like that. But it wasn’t not sexual. But it wasn’t sexual. Was it? I don’t want her in that way. But I don’t distrust the thought of it. It’s a unique dynamic that I can only ramble about at the moment.

One of the amazing things about the bdsm community is how easy it is to let different sides of yourself shine through. I find myself as a little, a kitten, a sub, a brat, and a princess just depending on who I am talking to. I love it. And it puts me more in touch with those different sides of myself. I like recognizing who brings out what – whether they are in the community or have certain fetishes or not… And it’s hardly ever sexual. Just one of those things that lets you know yourself just a little bit better. It’s empowering.