Posts Tagged ‘girlfriend’

he’s got a girlfriend??

March 18, 2016

So, its no secret that I still communicate with my ex husband. I went through several phases with this. As expected I think. You know, the wish he didn’t exist phase. The wish my family didn’t know he exists phase. Then it morphed at some point. I can talk to him easily. I can seek his advice. I know he will always be someone I can lean on if I need it. He really is a great guy.

With that said, as someone that talks to her ex regularly I felt he needed to know that I was dating someone. So back in October or November, whenever me and A made it official, I slipped it into one of our conversations. Out of respect. If he is going to consider me a friend, if we are doing this friend thing, then that is a tid bit you would tell a friend. I didn’t want to lie, not even by omission. Nothing malicious about it. I was just informing him. Respect, right?

A few months back, I had to get his help with something on my taxes. Okay, so I didn’t HAVE to… but he was my tax guy before. He was my everything guy before. It’s a rough transition to have an everything guy to having no guy, then to having a long distance guy that is terrible at adulting guy. Anyway… He helped me do my taxes. It was the first time on my own. It was nice to have him walk me through it. It was good of him to help. He brought beer and sushi… It was a fun time.

I asked him then if he was dating any one. Just part of a conversation. I really want to know these things. Lots of reasons behind it. Some reasons are completely legit. I care about him as a person and his happiness and well being. But some are less legit like – should I be worried about a girl beating me up for asking for his help while we drink beer and hang out for the evening. Or even less legit reasons and thought processes. Like… how jealous should I be? Is she skinnier than me? Will his family like her more? And can I take her?

Anyway, for all the reasons I asked him. He said “No.” Satiates my curiousity, right?

Fast forward to last Monday night. Went out for drinks with friends/co-workers. They wanted to make sure I was okay after this break up. Through the night I find out that the chick I see my ex husband in the halls with (yes, I still work in the same building as him – hey, I didn’t say this was healthy) is his girlfriend. COME AGAIN? His GIRLFRIEND? He’s got a whah?

I do understand why he wouldn’t want to tell me. And I get that it’s not the most comfortable conversation to have with your ex. And maybe I am grateful for being blissfully unaware that there’s a woman at work (she’s totally just a girl tho) whose eyes are on me with all its reigning judgment. (Maybe that’s too dramatic.) Truth be told I do see them together, but I couldn’t have picked her out of a line up. Not until now! I got them to show me her face. And I started picking her apart and verbally ripping her to shreds!

PAUSE! This isn’t me. Why do I care that she walks funny, that her teeth are weird, and her hair is as thin as mine? Who the fuck cares?! Why do I get pleasure from someone telling me I’m prettier than her? I know this reaction is all too normal. But why? I don’t want to be the person to take pleasure in these things. But I do! It made my heart smile to hear that she has a dud of a personality. I don’t know her. I have never even shared a superficial, small-talk greeting with her. I have no basis in reality for judging her so much. I’m ashamed that I feel this way. But I do. So I guess this is me. I’m normal. I’m human. I can try to fight it. That will help a bit. But… I’ve already shown my true colors. It’s already out. I’m… THAT girl.

I have some growing to do as an individual and as a woman. I guess it’s good to see this in such a controlled environment… Not that I thought I was done with myself. A complete and perfect indivdiual. Not by far. But… Yeah, I’ve got work to do.

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more on mitch

March 8, 2016

We were hanging out a lot last spring and summer. He was living with his girlfriend of 3 years and they just moved about 2 miles away. We would go on bike rides. Grab beers. Hang out. He’s so fun to be around. He’s a happy guy. Great beard. So so handsome. Goofy. Up for adventrue. No, not just up for adventure. He makes the adventures happen.

I went through my blog knowing I’d written about him last summer, but alas, I did not. I don’t know how he slipped through the cracks. But of course when me and M broke up in June(ish?) and I was not particularly excited about men in general. Plus, he had a live in girlfriend so to me it was all on the up and up…. for the most part.

He made it clear that he liked me. But… I was distracted enough with the on-again-off-again pattern me and M had that I could easily say, “Sorry, I’ve been on both sides of the infidelity train and I promise you don’t want to do that.” So we continued as friends. Easy as that.

Then, late last summer he announces that he and his girlfriend had broken up. Now, I already knew that he had been debating this a long time. He had been teetering on this trigger for a solid year. I couldn’t believe someone that complacent would just kind of let the time go by. He was busy with school. They lived together. It was easy. They didn’t not get along… he just knew that she wasn’t the one. So when she started talking engagement and wedding he knew it was time I guess. Too bad he couldn’t have done that sooner for her sake, but such as life sometimes.

Anyway, when he was single, then I was single we increased our hang outs. We still didn’t cross any lines, and honestly this confused me. But I wasn’t going to push a damn thing. I had just found Sir T. So, it was a hell of a lot easier for me to not cross into the gray area with him because I didn’t want to have to ask permission for anything. Total sub move, right?! And mitch seemed satisfied with our friendship.

Anyway, before he disappeared to his new girlfriend and I disappeared to my boyfriend… we managed a make out session. Great kisser. But that is where we left it.

Anyway, we are going to a concert tonight. I’m pretty excited to see him. I haven’t seen him since September. And last night I had a dream that me and him went drinking and passed out on my couch. It was fun in my dream! Maybe we’ll make that happen tonight. 😀

Again, I know. I’m in a situation where  I know I don’t want to cheat on Andy, but I’m playing with fire. Will this be the rest of my life? I’m not trying to lie to myself about the situation. I’m happy to be hanging out with my friend tonight. And we’ll see what happens. But the goal is to keep up those boundaries. He knows about Andy, and he hasn’t pushed the lines so far. I don’t get worried about this till I start typing about it… I’m over thinking this.