Posts Tagged ‘flirting’

whoops

September 12, 2016

I feel like that’s been a blog title before in the past… won’t be the last!!

So… remember the whole celibacy thing? yeah. I slipped up.

Actually it was more than a small slip up. It was a whirly shit show of an amazing night. But… I definitely took it too far this time. DEFINITELY.

My morality compass just took the biggest nose dive I’ve ever taken!

So let me incriminate myself a little by divulging…

Went out with my friends on friday. It started out super casual. I’ve got jeans on and a v-neck. Beers at a local brewery. The game was on. I don’t care at all about football but my girlfriend was wanting to watch. So we sat and drank from mid-second quarter to how ever many overtimes it took for us to win. Whatever. Not the important part.

After that a couple of other girls joined us. One was my best friend. They came dressed to impressed and ready to party. Clearly they were looking for something more than low key brewery.

So we packed up and went to an Irish pub. This also was NOT good enough for them. I was having a perfectly fine time. In fact I talked to an old man at the bar about our religious and spiritual back grounds and… well… fore grounds I guess. It was fun and he introduced me to a new drink. The Colorado Bull Dog. YUM!!! So you see, this was the type of evening I was happy to be having.

My friends, still being unsatisfied talked me into the next location. My original friend dropped out at this point. We decided on a new place. Never been, but you can’t be picky after 1am in Little Rock.

We go. We sit and drink. Hangout. My best friend’s friend is getting annoyed and I can’t tell why. But I have a feeling it was because she wasn’t being hit on like crazy. She’s insanely gorgeous and is probably use to being out and fawned over 100 % of the time. It just wasn’t the type of place and we weren’t mingling. We were just sitting at a table. I was still happy. Of course, I had zero expectation. We are there til about 4am.

As I’m walking to my car someone starts coming at me asking if I’m going to the cowboy. Which is one of only 4 places still open in town. I say, “Nope! Headed home!” But I stand there while he closes the gap between us. We talk. We flirt. It’s getting a bit cold out and I start to rub my hands on my arms to warm up with the friction. He grabs me and says here I’ll warm you up. And he hugs me. It’s nice. He’s cute. The flirting has been way too fun to resist the touch.

He starts talking about cuddling… and lets be honest for a second. Cuddling is something that all humans crave. Strangers. Loved ones. We just need to be touched. It’s our nature. Guys use this line because it works! It’s not just me. It’s not just my slutty tendencies. It’s just too damn appealing. “Your place or mine?” We chose mine because it was closer.

We stayed out by his truck for a minute in my parking lot so that he could smoke a cigarette. Sat on his tailgate. He’s one of those truck driving, country listening guys. But hey, I listen to country.

He asked if I had any alcohol inside. My only thought was what about the cuddling??? We talk more about more things. we flirt even more. It’s all just one big flirt tho, so lets not kid ourselves into thinking that this is in any way a life changing conversation. I don’t remember how the subject came up. Coke. Something he rarely does, but at their first location that night someone was offering and he went for it. I’ve never done this. And I’m trying to figure out how he brought it up in a way that made me react the way I did.

I basically said that I don’t do drugs. I’m not against trying anything once, but also my family has some strong addictive tendencies so any use scares me. He lit up a the “try anything once” phrase.

“Wanna try it with me?”

“Um…”

And that was that. We partied. Did a line. Laughed a lot. Did a line. Then clothes came off. And we were all over the place. Everywhere. Repeat. For hours and hours. While I do think I crossed a line that I don’t want to continue down, I can admit that I had a great time. And the conversations after doing it…

My mind opened up. My anxiousness lifted. I said what I wanted. I wasn’t blocked by being nervous. It’s like I knew what I felt and I knew what I wanted. And guys, I rarely feel that certain about what I want and feel. I can barely get words around those ideas. But it became easy. And that is the part I enjoyed. That part felt good.

It was reckless. Yet again, I’m being reckless. So… let the cycle continue. Taking my control back. All of it.

Can’t help but feel this line was just too far out there this time tho. I’m beating myself up over it. And it’s definitely warranted.

raining men

May 30, 2016

It’s actually raining men. As in… i need a friggin umbrella!

And it’s my own damn fault. I should’ve stayed under the radar for a few more minutes. I mean… some of these are just coincidences… the universe sent out a vibe on me…. pulled them all in.

It’s too easy to lean on this attention. But it’s not helping anyone. And these guys don’t care about me. I mean, they can say they do. But where have they been? where do they go? i’m no one’s priority. I’m not an idiot.

I went to a party this weekend. One of my guy friends… who has quite literally made his way around my entire friend circle to some extent was all over me on saturday night. I know this guy… so I just took the attention and flirted back. It’s not harming me what so ever. I have his number. This will roll right off my back. Slick as a dick… Whoops. Typo. Slick as a D-U-C-K.

It turned into a hot tub party. So… I’m not gonna lie… it got steamy. It was turning into a more fun night than I expected. I knew that this was all tease. I had no intention of following this through. It would be a bit desperate on my end for sure. Like, I said… he’s gotten around my friend circle… and even if he only got all the way with one, he has tried to get with all of them in one way or another.

This guy is HOTT. Bicep for daaaaays. That is a weakness of mine FO SHO! So, yeah… I’m soaking this up! He got a bit too close a few times… too close for being in public anyway. I had to literally back up a few times. I’m sure we looked pretty trashy. But EVERYONE was wasted.

I heard he was dating someone that I didn’t know, but I know this guy. If he is dating someone, he’s not committed. And she knows it. He’s open like that. Super casual. He just is. Anyway, he’s all up on me in the hot tub when his current main squeeze shows up! Whoops! I have no idea if she saw us. Or if she cared. Or whatever. I don’t think he knew she was coming. I certainly didn’t!

I do know that he’s got to look like an ass to all his other friends. I mean, he wasn’t shy about being all up on me the ENTIRE night. I took my cue… I got out of the hot tub and joined the gay guys in the kitchen… It was fun too. But he didn’t waste any time letting her fill the spot I was currently in.

Like the rest of the raining men.

Over all the night was pretty fun. But I cried all the way home. I miss mitch so fucking much. The pain is overwhelming in some moments.

Andy (reunion part 2)

October 6, 2015

Missed part 1? Read part 1 here.

So this classmate of mine, Andy, who I couldn’t stop looking at all night happens to be the ONLY single guy there. Like, jackpot single. Hasn’t been married. Doesn’t have kids. Lives on his own and supports himself (kind of sad that this trait is noteworthy, but I digress). But seriously! He is tall. He has slimmed down, not that he ever needed to. Why wasn’t I ever interested before?! If you aren’t reading this 90 miles an hour you are missing my enthusiasm here!

Some time thru the night Andy started chatting me up. Now, I don’t think I could ever deny that I might have been positioning myself closer and closer to him… but everyone was mingling with everyone. So he starts chatting me up. When I think about it, thru the beer goggles, I do remember him almost like a lost puppy at my side. It makes me smile just recounting the evening! Turns out we have a few things in common that kept a very motivated conversation going.

More beer. More mingling. More Andy by my side. It’s starts to get a bit patchy at this point, but me and Andy end up in a lip lock on the smoker’s balcony. Why are we on the balcony? and how did my lips get on yours?! Who started this? Was it me? Was it him? I do remember that if he was within arm’s reach he had his hand on the small of my back and on the side of my lower back. This, my fellow blogger friends, is one of my buttons even when I’m sober! So now that I think on it, I might have done the initiating…. on one hand I’m sad that I missed out on our first kiss. It’s somewhere locked up with the rest of my beered life moments. On the other hand I’m thanking whatever drunk gods out there for putting me in this situation.

I don’t like the fact that I trashily made out in public, but I DON’T REGRET ANY PART OF THIS NIGHT WHATSOEVER so I just kind of push past that when I recall the night. 🙂

I thought of Sir T… who I KNEW wouldn’t deprive me of something that would make me so happy. I noted the time… Sir T would be have been asleep for hours at this point in the night… So I make an executive decision on my own. I know he would allow me what happens next. No doubts.

I start to come back to reality; I must have stopped drinking… Thank you, drunk me, for becoming too preoccupied to drink more!

We paid our tabs. I found my sister. I told her I was leaving. And Andy dragged me to his truck nearly pulling my arm out of its socket, but I assure you my own need matched his urgency!

What happened after that cannot even be put into words enough to do it justice. It was the single most hottest night of my life. I REAPEAT! THE SINGLE MOST HOTTEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE! Not to mention the epic cuddling, followed by another HOTHOTHOT round the next morning. Followed by a steamy shower together. Followed by him cooking me breakfast and watching Penguins of Madagascar while we ate, cuddled, and kissed more before he took me to my hotel… where he walked me to my room and sat with me, my sister, and my other friend while we packed up and got ready to leave town. Everything about the encounter was perfect. Including the constant texting each other since that night. I can’t stop thinking about him. And he is coming to see me on Friday and it couldn’t get here sooner!

The last time I was this excited about another human being I was married to him 6 years later. Now, I am not trying to get ahead of myself here, but it’s noteworthy.

I told Sir T about all of it. And he is just as excited for me. Speaking of.. I have much more to say on this topic and the co-existing of Sir T and Andy. There is so much in my brain and my heart that I can’t possibly say it all at once.

a tinder’s end

March 13, 2015

After 3 weeks of being on Tinder I couldn’t take it any more. I told myself that I was going to stay in Tinder but stop swiping. “Just weed out the ones you have, chick. You got too many.” But I was beyond hope. I was addicted. The One could be the next one. Oh! He’s cute! But look at him!!!! Each swipe brought a new hope. Of course then you get that message “Can I get your number?” Crap. reality hits. and you realize this is the 5th person just today that you have given your number to. yikes. And in your phone it looks like this “ryan tinder” “ryan cutoff tuxedo shirt tinder” “kyle tinder” and so on.So not only do you have 10 people texting you (or more) but you have new matches popping up by the second. At some point you just have to know when is when and claim your life back. So. I never logged back on again. I’m still out there somewhere. But I haven’t even down loaded it on my new phone. It’s not that I was done dating. No. I mean… Yes, first date over load. but… I still had phone numbers. So I worked off what I call “Tinder Residuals”. So as I went on first dates and crossed guys off the list I was happy to do it a little bit more focused.

I was down to my last few tinder residuals. And just trying to shake a few. But there was one in particular I felt I was connecting with. Great conversation. Extremely interesting. Ambitious. Flirty, but not too flirty. Kept me enthralled. I liked. I had to meet him. So I did. I told myself that no matter how this went I was done with the first-date thing for a bit. If for no other reason but because it was killing my diet.

We met at my go-to first date location. An Irish pub about a mile and a half from my apartment. Something about this place made me less nervous about every meet up. We sat at a different table. I tried to pick a different table every time I went in hopes that the staff wouldn’t recognize me quite as easily… I started getting self conscious about meeting with yet another guy in so short of time. At some point you just have to not care. I probably should just go ahead and friend these people. Get them to rate them as they come in and out… hm…

Anyway, Ryan Tuxedo Cut-off Tinder – who had since graduated to Rayn <insert last name here>. Something about his voice threw me off the first time we spoke on the phone which happened to be minutes till our first meeting. Couldn’t quite decide what I didn’t like about it. But it wasn’t like the guy who I had to ditch because of the super twanginess he put on every single syllable. I decided I’d get use to that. WHAT?! Did I just say that? I made myself smile by talking myself off of that deal breaker. I get there and he’s sitting at the bar. It’s a Tuesday night so there was only about 3 other people there. He was at the bar. Leaner looking than all the selfies I’d seen from him. Guess no one taught him the camera angles that shaves the pounds off. Still. Handsome. Just my type. Tall. Broad shouldered. Naturally strong looking.

I put my phone in my purse and hung my purse on the chair. It was 7:03. We talked. Ordered a few beers. Talked. Ordered food. Talked. Stopped drinking beer. Talked. The conversation was good. Flowed easily. And there was something about this guy. Just under the surface. What was that? Sexiness. That’s it! Why was it hiding? I mean, that made it sexier. I take pride in finding the good in people… but I don’t know that I’ve ever found this in someone unless it was dripping from the surface. He held it in such away that said he was saving it for someone. Keeping it safe for something… for someone special? I made my second date decision right there. It was happening. The time came to wrap up the evening. We (he) paid the bill and we put on our coats. Walked out of the buidling. The building’s entrance is the corner… where a stop light is. I was headed one way and he was headed the opposite. We hugged and said our goodbyes as we waited for the light to turn… that awkward moment of “well, I’ll talk to you soon.” Always hated that. I usually just high tail it in an awkward way because its going to be awkward regardless. We hug again. I walk away reaching in my purse for my phone. 10:57. I hadn’t looked at my phone since putting it away. This made me smile again. I let the possible meanings of this swell in my mind and chest as I unlocked my car door.

🙂

The little things I love

October 1, 2014

soap suds running down my back in the shower

the surge of happy i feel after i consume caffeine

driving over a bridge with my country music blaring

early cool mornings with my windows down and before the sun is fully awake in my sweatshirt

clouds… and the what the sun can do to them

laughing with a friend… over something so silly that only that friend in that moment would find it funny with you

Feeling sexy in a skirt and heels… nothing truly rivals this feeling…

nerdy office jokes

passing by a mirror and being pleasantly surprised

hearing my niece giggle

watching my niece furrow her brow in concentration and/or confusion

missing someone so much it hurts

meeting new people

flirting

being touched

the burn in my abs, legs, arms, or anywhere the day after a good workout

being productive on a Saturday

That feeling when I walk into a clean apartment

making something pretty

the feeling I get when i’m on stage

being good at something. Even something as simple as shuffling a deck of cards.