Posts Tagged ‘first dates suck’

The Tinder Bandwagon

December 31, 2014

I did it. I took the tinder plunge… or should I say, I’m taking it. It’s an odd and fast paced world. It’s overwhelming with too much happening at once to truly process. And I am not the best processor anyway! Before I continue with my observations about this crazy world of swiping I want to preface by referencing an article my friend shared with me recently. Fuck Yes.

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

The article is summarized by this:

“The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.”

Okay… now lets proceed with my Tinder experience thus far in no particular order.

Ryan: The first “tinder meet up” I went on. I met him in a dive bar about 8pm one friday night… I had been on Tinder for 36 hours. Like I said, Tinder is a fast paced world. If you let it… which was my first mistake. I let it sweep me up and consume my every living moment. No work was done for about a week. But I digress. Ryan…. He was soooooo much cuter than his terribly ambiguous and unfocused pictures. This was a pleasant surprise. Then he smiled. Wide, big, without his usual hand over his mouth. The tops of several of his front teeth were black. BLACK! I hadn’t been close enough to notice the gingivitis/halitosis yet. He said over and over again how good looking I was. And how funny I was. And how much he was liking me…. and here’s the freak out moment: How we were both so lucky to find each other after only being on Tinder for less than a week! Wait, what? Like, lucky to find who? like for good? forever? I wasn’t sure how to respond to this. This man was already IN LOVE! I needed a brown paper bag to breathe into! But my passive aggressive self kept that million dollar smile plastered (that I now knew i had because that’s what gets the swipe rights!). To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed this man’s company… but who wouldn’t love being so fawned over!? I’m only human. He asked to go back to his place… sigh… It wasn’t a Fuck yes for me… but it was for him….

A side note: I’ve been part of “relationships” where one party was obviously more interested than the other… this never works. EVER. I know that I want to find someone that I can fall mutually for… same rate… same comfortable speed. I don’t believe there is a too fast or too slow when it comes to love but I DO BELIEVE BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME TRAIN!

So unfortunately for Ryan, he showed his cards to soon. Freaked me out. And I high-tailed it!

Matthew: Oh Matthew, you are soooooo cute! I am digging the addition of the beard that wasn’t in your profile pics. LOVE IT! We had pizza and beer on a Sunday night. Good conversation flow. Good vibes-ish. But it wasn’t til we were leaving the building that I realized he was shorter than me just by a SMIDGE! :*( The hug sealed his coffin… I had to bend down and i was in flat boots.

Rodney: RODNEY! WTF how did you even score this date?! Rodney is so cocky and full of himself… or at least that’s how he first comes across. I see him through this tho. And there’s something there. Something about the way our humor meshes together so fluidly. Turns out he’s a rich guy. Our first date consisted of his corvette, valet, 5 over $30 entrees, drinks at a fancy hotel bar downtown. SO MUCH FUN! He actually translated the most perfect from the medium of text to real life. I felt like I already knew the inflections of his words and all his sarcastic slants. It was great! He was about 60 pounds up from his heaviest profile pic. I don’t get caught up in weight. I struggle too much myself with this demon. I’m about 30 lbs over weight at any given moment. So this is not a deal breaker…. It would’ve been nice to fit the face of the person I was falling into like with thru text to the face that actually existed in real life tho. Rodney is still around. We’ve been on 4 dates now. “Date” is too big of a word tho. a lunch. a Netflix movie. We get along well. He asked me to go to vegas with him for the new years… Work prevented this from being a possibility… otherwise I have no idea if I would have actually let myself indulge in something so frivolous and spontaneous. Neither are my nature. BUT SERIOUSLY?!?! How awesome and cool! well… except that I actually hate this kind of show-off-ery. To me its too much. Too over the top. Shania Twain said it best. “That don’t impress-a me much!” Here’s the thing about Rodney: It’s not a fuck yes. It isn’t. And I hate that. This guy is the perfect gentleman. After four dates all he’s ventured to take is a chaste kiss on the lips. This is a different speed than I’m use to. And I don’t know really how I feel about it. I suppose its nice… Yet, makes me wonder if he’s a fuck yes or not…. Of course if he was dragging me to the bedroom I’d hate that too… YOU CANNOT WIN WITH US WOMEN!

Within the first week I had had 3 dates and i had been stood up for 2 others. I was a busy girl! And honestly… being stood up like this wasn’t that bad. In this age of technology it is no longer necessary to show up to the place intended in order to be stood up… It’s pretty convenient to know you are being stood up when there is zero response to the “hey are we still on for tonight?” text. So I was kind of happy with the accidental night in! And I had so many other guys matching and chatting that it had no effect on my self esteem. Besides not being bummed about something that would’ve normally taken me into a downward spiral for a few days – another Tinder phenomenon was happening… It was so much easier to be myself with all these options. If someone had an issue with something about me it was “NEXT!” for the both of us. No skin off anyone’s back. I am able to be myself! Soooooo freely myself. No over thinking. Just chatting… being honest… moving right along.

AJ: The Dominate. This is a secret I’ve carried around for a short time… I’m a slight closet masochist! No, we were never intimate, but holy moly was i attracted to this guy! The first time he kissed me he put his hand around my throat… I was in heaven (ironically). But, still, I’m not looking for a hook up here… I want a relationship. No matter how much I want to explore this world and test the limits, I have my priorities… most of the time. Despite how much I wanted to experiment with a little d/s… he didn’t cut it in the fuck yes department outside of the bedroom. I felt the most comfortable with AJ tho. I wonder if its because we shared this secret?

Ian: The one guy I told directly that I do not want a hook up, but sure you can bring over some beer and we can watch a movie! Whoops. Lesson learned there. Next.

Josh – The Gentleman: This guy… never crossed any of the flirting lines yet still made it past the “what do you do for a living?” awkward first conversations. Too bad for Josh tho. He has had a run of bad luck lately and I just can’t bring myself to want to be part of that world. Ex wife. Recent ex fiance. Two kids from two different women… I don’t consider his divorce or kids the bad luck he’s run into… not at all. But this guy has 3 DWIs, had to move in with his parents when his fiance kicked him and the kids out… And he is currently getting over pneumonia. You are nice… and not bad looking (another welcomed surprise of being cuter than your profile pictures)… but… its not a fuck yes. His eyes, they are so good. He’s a good guy. Unlucky. But I can tell… he’s one of the good ones. and probably this fact is what directly contributes to his bad luck with women. Poor Josh.

Josh II: This guy. I chatted with this guy for a week. He’s fun. He loves people. He’s laid back. Decent job. Great flowing fun text conversations. Not a whole whole lot in common but nothing un-reconcilable. Good looking. but… He had an unforgivable feminine giggle that there is no way I’d ever be able to get over. SIgh…. call be picky… but its no fuck yes.

More Tinder ramblings to come!

Last night’s date (because I KNOW you care)

August 20, 2014

So… It didn’t start out too great in my opinion… and really, who else’s opinion matters when it comes to dating?!?!

Let me preface with this. I have a few really close girlfriends that do game night once a week… I usually opt out for several reasons. 1) We have at least 2 other weekly traditions and I need a night off! I love love love my girls but damn! Can I get a minute?! They know this about me and don’t push the subject – which actually is quite surprising. 2) Me and games are not friends. I hate when its a game and my turn consists of reading, choosing, or coming up with something creative. a) i’m not creative and b) i hate being the center of attention. If it was just me and my girls I’d be okay, but there’s always a few random straggler that get me all flustered… despite the wine. I have a phobia of being embarrassed… It haunts me. This is why i don’t do sports either. I blush waaaay too easy. Which leads to more embarrassment and more blushing… It’s a steep downward spiral of terribleness.

Okay, so all day I get texts from them asking if I’m coming to game night and if I’m bringing my date. Um, guys!!! I have a date! I don’t know what this weighs in their world but I’m freaking out slightly! If this date turns out well, I. AM. NOT. SHARING. Other than that, if you have plans you have plans. I even thought it was incredibly rude for them to beg when they know I’m busy. And they never beg about game night. MY GIRLS KNOW ME! So, this was going on most of the day…

Mean while the plan is to get together about 7ish for dinner after he does a few chores/errands after work. Fair enough. So I start stressing out about 6:15… because it’s what I do. (Don’t I sound like a keeper??) What should I wear? How should I fix my hair? I swear that shirt looked cuter last time i wore it. My hair is NOT right. I’m hungry. Don’t eat. How bout this shirt? No. Not that one either. Snap a pic. Send it to my sister. Cry to my sis about how I wish I had her hair and her boobs… OK, I kind of feel cute in this shirt. Jeans or shorts??????? And this went on. And on. I get a text from my date. “This is taking longer than I expected. Looking at about an hour and a half.” WHAT?!?!?!?!? It’s is almost 7 already and I’m hungry AAAAANDDD I need to be at work at 7 am tomorrow morning!!! So you see how this doesn’t help my already stressed out self? “Sure! No problem, just let me know! :)” Ugh… i hate my passive aggressive self some times. On top of that have to pick him up. Something wrong with his car… ugh… Normally this is not a big deal, but at this point it just adds to my stress. And I need to stop for gas. Just breathe, girl!

So by the time I get in my car I’m already feeling myself turn introvert. I get like this… I guess it’s just how i deal (or not deal) with stress. If any of you are doctors out there would you let me know if this qualifies me for the need of chill pills?? I stop for gas. I get to his place and call his phone. “I’m out front.” “Coming.” I sit. I wait. I sit. I wait. My stomach is turning in knots! COME ON! Still sitting. Still waiting. Seriously, dude? You’ve had almost 2 hours now since I thought this date was going to begin. He finally comes out. Red faced. Looking more stressed than me! He gets in the car. “I was looking for my wallet. No luck.” We swing by the complex’s laundromat because that is the last place he saw it. I’m crossing my fingers because I can’t take him being upset… if he can’t find his wallet.. what am I suppose to do in this situation? He comes out with his wallet! CRISIS AVERTED! I’m singing a silent hallelujah. Now can we eat?!?!?!?! He has picked out a sushi restaurant. I am so excited. I love sushi and I love when people I like to be around love sushi too! So he tells me about what direction we are going… it’s close… and he keeps talking and I realize it’s mine and my ex-husband’s favorite sushi place. :-\ Seriously? At least I know its a good restaurant… but who likes taking a different guy after going into this restaurant with the same guy for YEARS! I want to cry (not really but i do wanna shrivel up a little).  I don’t mention it. So all the while I am in my head while not talking to him. I’m probably the most dull person he’s come in to contact with this month. So then I start worrying about that. I can’t think of a damn thing to say. I’m racking my brain and coming up empty every time. My mind has never been so empty. I’m even boring myself.

I have this aha! moment when we are almost done eating. “So my friends are doing a game night tonight. They’ve been pestering me all day about it. Interested?” So… we end up at game night. And the night is instantly better! Blame it on the fact that we get more people to fill the silence, blame it on the wine, blame it on the fact that my friends are there, blame it on it actually being a good date, blame whatever! It turned around! I did get embarrassed quite often – blushed a ton (thanks to the game that eluded to sex like 50,000 times) – but we had such a good time. Conversation was easy the rest of the night. Even on the drive back to his place. He said he’d like to see me again. (I’ve heard that before.) Maybe its just one of those things guys say at the end of a date. We shall see. At this point the jury is still out on whether I’d even agree to date number two. I’m just glad it wasn’t a total bust – in my opinion… and after all, we decided mine is the only one that matters.  🙂

I am exhausted just reliving it. Maybe this will get easier. Or maybe I can boycott the traditional dinner date. Does it give off the wrong vibe if I just wanna order take out and have a movie marathon??? Seems way less stressful. Maybe I’ll come up with more creative non-stressful (less stressful! Lets be honest, I don’t know how to NOT stress) date ideas. Suggestions are welcome!

Okay, that’s enough for now. Later!