Posts Tagged ‘first date’

firsts w/ trey part I

July 5, 2016

I decided to date trey exclusively. Also, I hadn’t exactly started the celibacy thing. and both those sentences are fully dependent upon each other….

I don’t know why but I’ve been extremely stingy with my words with trey. I don’t know why I’m so afraid to admit my feelings for him. And I think it’s mainly because I haven’t figured them out exactly yet.

It all started out in a way that I could’ve taken or left. He made an impression, but I had other things going on.

When all the other things dropped off he surfaced.

I could count on him. He may have filled in some sort of rebound gap, but there was definitely more. Definitely more, yet, I was still (still am) so so so so sad and lost over mitch.

And when I decided to date trey exclusively… i didn’t exactly tell him. I just kind of did. It kind of happened quickly… In my mind at least. Not sure how it felt to him. I found it difficult to tell him the depth i was being sucked in because I didn’t want him getting in any deeper. I didn’t want it to go too fast. I didn’t want him to rely on me and my feelings because I just felt so lost still.

He didn’t take my celibacy thoughts well. He hated it. And yeah, he’s a guy. I get it. Sex. Big deal. But he didn’t take it well at all. He thought it was a tactic to get rid of him. Or at least that was the excuse he used to blow up about it. I didn’t like thinking about the fact that I took sex off the table and he got mad. So I kind of pushed my start date. I kept thinking i’ll see how this goes – decide later.

We had our official first date this past weekend. I opened up a little bit about my celibacy thoughts. Kind of being tired of being used by people who don’t even realize thats what they are doing. I kind of viewed it at almost a test for trey. If he stuck around then he passed my test. If he still hung out with me with the same enthusiasm then he passes. I hate when I’m tested, but this felt worth it…. All I know is that the first few months with last past few guys were amazing. Then completely fell off the grid. Awful. Future bubbles busted so hard. It makes my world stop every time. And after mitch i just can’t handle that this soon.

So our first date. A ton of fun. An exhibit at a local museum. Then we went beer crawling. One of my favorite things. And at the local breweries. I ABSOLUTELY love doing that sort of thing with great company. GREAT DAY.

So we came back to our apartment complex (remember he lives here too) and we both took our dogs out and met back at my place. We locked the pup out of my bedroom and continued the night. Fun times as always. This was the first time he was staying over. A night full of firsts for us.

Maybe this was actually going somewhere…



March 4, 2016

Me and trey met at an event at my apartment complex. It was a free drink night. It was the first event I attended at my apartment complex. The first event that offered free booze. Not a coincidence. Me and josh decided to go together since it’s one of those potentially awkward things that make it hard for singles to show up anywhere.

While we are there I notice a guy working the crowd. It’s a mix and mingle event. By design there’s a game set up to spark the conversation. And while I do the bare minimum to interact with anyone but josh, this guy is working in a full conversation with each person he approaches. I’m impressed.

At one point he comes over to me and josh and I reach out and start making conversation. We just stand around and drink for the next thirty minutes. Turns out he works in politics. So immediately I’m impressed less by his communication skills. What a tease. Oh well. Still pleasant enough to talk to. Even funny at times.

Before we leave he gets my number. Now… I have made the appropriate references to my BOYFRIEND so he gets the picture. This makes me feel slightly more comfortable about giving my number out but really it just caught me too off guard to know what else to do. He hands me his phone and I immediately look at josh for direction. He offers nothing. Bastard. I enter my number because I’m not in the habit of embarrassing people in public.

Before I get home I have a text from him saying how much fun I was and how much fun he had talking. He’s GUSHING. Now, I’m not above flattery. I like when I catch someone’s attention. I appreciate being appreciated more than the typical gal.

Any way, over the next few weeks we text minimally. He asks to hang out. I iterate the fact that I have a boyfriend and boundaries should be kept accordingly.

Earlier this week he invites me to a comedy show and I give him a non-commit ‘maybe’. Turns out a few of my other friends will be there so I tell him finitely I’ll go early yesterday. He said he’ll swing by and pick me up at 7:45. ‘Okay.’

At 7:43 I decide to put some pants on. I throw on a tank top and a light zip up jacket I don’t intend on taking off. I walk out at 7:45 on the dot. He pulls up at 7:46. I hop in his SUV.

He’s in a blazer. :\ This is a super casual venue. I mean… like, you could wear sweat pants unnoticed. He immediately says, “You look nice tonight.” What script is he reading from? “A blazer?” I try to keep the judgement out of my intonation. He tries to say that he was under dressed for a meeting earlier that day so he felt the jacket evened the playing field. Okay…. but how much effort does it take to take a blazer off? Like, while you are driving?

It feels immediately awkward. More than first date awkward. Because, HELLO!?!? I didn’t get the memo that I was going on a date that night!

We are standing in line at the bar and he loudly announces the first round is on him. I still don’t get why he made it such a big deal. “Okay…” and I lean into the cashier to place my beer order more discreetly than his announcement… I think I was trying to climb under a rock in the same moment.

I hear someone say my name from behind me and it’s Hannah! One of my best friends. I throw my arms around her as the relief washes over me. Mid-hug I realize this is not something me and Hannah do. She is looking at me funny. But she picks up what I’m putting down as soon as she glances to my right and notices the dude in a blazer. She laughs. I can’t help but laugh too. I’M SO FRIGGIN RELIEVED TO HAVE HER THERE! So we all go sit… and I try desperately to diffuse the date vibe sitting with Hannah and making him pull a chair up to us. I know, it sounds rude, but I was feeling like I was drowning.

Anyway… fast forward and he is dropping me off… I hop out of the vehicle waving and yelling thanks as I bolt up to the second floor. Of course I am immediately greeted by text message before I can unlock my door that he had a great night with me. He does that… adds the “with you.” As if I didn’t quite understand that he specifically only had fun with me…  Yeesh.

Only *I* could accidentally go on a date. Gah!

Yet another first date

May 29, 2015

The date was mediocre… Nothing particularly bad. Nothing particularly good. By the end of the night I could’ve walked away or gone along with making plans if he wanted. I rambled on like crazy. I guess I was just a little bit nervous. But normal one-on-one for the first time jitters. It was raining and I had an hour drive ahead of me. It was time to go. He walked me to my car. In the rain. Hugged me good bye… He had his hands placed lower on my sides than would be considered innocent. But I like being held like that. I like when a guy handles me in a natural way to him, that lines up perfectly with the natural way I like, like fitting into a space that you didn’t think to try before.

He pulled away just slightly from the hug enough to lean down to kiss me. In the rain. I love a good rain kiss. I didn’t expect this. and then it hit me. The scent. His scent. I haven’t experienced this with anyone except for my ex husband. My ex had a scent that instantly intoxicated me. I was instantly melting… and I caught this scent. Like, a made for me scent. Hooked. Curiosity spiked. The kiss lasted only a few seconds. Nothing too scandalous, but i definitely leaned in after catching it.

That was a good drive home. I’m not saying that this means anything in particular, just that it was good moment. And our next date is already in the calendar.

I laugh at myself when an episode of Dinosaurs, a show I use to watch as a kid, popped in my head. This episode was about the daughter getting her scent… The moment she becomes a woman basically. It’s only pleasant to THE ONE, her “future mate for life”, and not so pleasing to others. and the custodian at her school catches her scent. She spends the rest of the episode on a journey to change her scent… but I digress. What is it called in the animal kingdom?? Pheromones? Ha. Better stop this rambling before it gets even worse! 🙂

have a good Friday!

a tinder’s end

March 13, 2015

After 3 weeks of being on Tinder I couldn’t take it any more. I told myself that I was going to stay in Tinder but stop swiping. “Just weed out the ones you have, chick. You got too many.” But I was beyond hope. I was addicted. The One could be the next one. Oh! He’s cute! But look at him!!!! Each swipe brought a new hope. Of course then you get that message “Can I get your number?” Crap. reality hits. and you realize this is the 5th person just today that you have given your number to. yikes. And in your phone it looks like this “ryan tinder” “ryan cutoff tuxedo shirt tinder” “kyle tinder” and so on.So not only do you have 10 people texting you (or more) but you have new matches popping up by the second. At some point you just have to know when is when and claim your life back. So. I never logged back on again. I’m still out there somewhere. But I haven’t even down loaded it on my new phone. It’s not that I was done dating. No. I mean… Yes, first date over load. but… I still had phone numbers. So I worked off what I call “Tinder Residuals”. So as I went on first dates and crossed guys off the list I was happy to do it a little bit more focused.

I was down to my last few tinder residuals. And just trying to shake a few. But there was one in particular I felt I was connecting with. Great conversation. Extremely interesting. Ambitious. Flirty, but not too flirty. Kept me enthralled. I liked. I had to meet him. So I did. I told myself that no matter how this went I was done with the first-date thing for a bit. If for no other reason but because it was killing my diet.

We met at my go-to first date location. An Irish pub about a mile and a half from my apartment. Something about this place made me less nervous about every meet up. We sat at a different table. I tried to pick a different table every time I went in hopes that the staff wouldn’t recognize me quite as easily… I started getting self conscious about meeting with yet another guy in so short of time. At some point you just have to not care. I probably should just go ahead and friend these people. Get them to rate them as they come in and out… hm…

Anyway, Ryan Tuxedo Cut-off Tinder – who had since graduated to Rayn <insert last name here>. Something about his voice threw me off the first time we spoke on the phone which happened to be minutes till our first meeting. Couldn’t quite decide what I didn’t like about it. But it wasn’t like the guy who I had to ditch because of the super twanginess he put on every single syllable. I decided I’d get use to that. WHAT?! Did I just say that? I made myself smile by talking myself off of that deal breaker. I get there and he’s sitting at the bar. It’s a Tuesday night so there was only about 3 other people there. He was at the bar. Leaner looking than all the selfies I’d seen from him. Guess no one taught him the camera angles that shaves the pounds off. Still. Handsome. Just my type. Tall. Broad shouldered. Naturally strong looking.

I put my phone in my purse and hung my purse on the chair. It was 7:03. We talked. Ordered a few beers. Talked. Ordered food. Talked. Stopped drinking beer. Talked. The conversation was good. Flowed easily. And there was something about this guy. Just under the surface. What was that? Sexiness. That’s it! Why was it hiding? I mean, that made it sexier. I take pride in finding the good in people… but I don’t know that I’ve ever found this in someone unless it was dripping from the surface. He held it in such away that said he was saving it for someone. Keeping it safe for something… for someone special? I made my second date decision right there. It was happening. The time came to wrap up the evening. We (he) paid the bill and we put on our coats. Walked out of the buidling. The building’s entrance is the corner… where a stop light is. I was headed one way and he was headed the opposite. We hugged and said our goodbyes as we waited for the light to turn… that awkward moment of “well, I’ll talk to you soon.” Always hated that. I usually just high tail it in an awkward way because its going to be awkward regardless. We hug again. I walk away reaching in my purse for my phone. 10:57. I hadn’t looked at my phone since putting it away. This made me smile again. I let the possible meanings of this swell in my mind and chest as I unlocked my car door.


Last night’s date (because I KNOW you care)

August 20, 2014

So… It didn’t start out too great in my opinion… and really, who else’s opinion matters when it comes to dating?!?!

Let me preface with this. I have a few really close girlfriends that do game night once a week… I usually opt out for several reasons. 1) We have at least 2 other weekly traditions and I need a night off! I love love love my girls but damn! Can I get a minute?! They know this about me and don’t push the subject – which actually is quite surprising. 2) Me and games are not friends. I hate when its a game and my turn consists of reading, choosing, or coming up with something creative. a) i’m not creative and b) i hate being the center of attention. If it was just me and my girls I’d be okay, but there’s always a few random straggler that get me all flustered… despite the wine. I have a phobia of being embarrassed… It haunts me. This is why i don’t do sports either. I blush waaaay too easy. Which leads to more embarrassment and more blushing… It’s a steep downward spiral of terribleness.

Okay, so all day I get texts from them asking if I’m coming to game night and if I’m bringing my date. Um, guys!!! I have a date! I don’t know what this weighs in their world but I’m freaking out slightly! If this date turns out well, I. AM. NOT. SHARING. Other than that, if you have plans you have plans. I even thought it was incredibly rude for them to beg when they know I’m busy. And they never beg about game night. MY GIRLS KNOW ME! So, this was going on most of the day…

Mean while the plan is to get together about 7ish for dinner after he does a few chores/errands after work. Fair enough. So I start stressing out about 6:15… because it’s what I do. (Don’t I sound like a keeper??) What should I wear? How should I fix my hair? I swear that shirt looked cuter last time i wore it. My hair is NOT right. I’m hungry. Don’t eat. How bout this shirt? No. Not that one either. Snap a pic. Send it to my sister. Cry to my sis about how I wish I had her hair and her boobs… OK, I kind of feel cute in this shirt. Jeans or shorts??????? And this went on. And on. I get a text from my date. “This is taking longer than I expected. Looking at about an hour and a half.” WHAT?!?!?!?!? It’s is almost 7 already and I’m hungry AAAAANDDD I need to be at work at 7 am tomorrow morning!!! So you see how this doesn’t help my already stressed out self? “Sure! No problem, just let me know! :)” Ugh… i hate my passive aggressive self some times. On top of that have to pick him up. Something wrong with his car… ugh… Normally this is not a big deal, but at this point it just adds to my stress. And I need to stop for gas. Just breathe, girl!

So by the time I get in my car I’m already feeling myself turn introvert. I get like this… I guess it’s just how i deal (or not deal) with stress. If any of you are doctors out there would you let me know if this qualifies me for the need of chill pills?? I stop for gas. I get to his place and call his phone. “I’m out front.” “Coming.” I sit. I wait. I sit. I wait. My stomach is turning in knots! COME ON! Still sitting. Still waiting. Seriously, dude? You’ve had almost 2 hours now since I thought this date was going to begin. He finally comes out. Red faced. Looking more stressed than me! He gets in the car. “I was looking for my wallet. No luck.” We swing by the complex’s laundromat because that is the last place he saw it. I’m crossing my fingers because I can’t take him being upset… if he can’t find his wallet.. what am I suppose to do in this situation? He comes out with his wallet! CRISIS AVERTED! I’m singing a silent hallelujah. Now can we eat?!?!?!?! He has picked out a sushi restaurant. I am so excited. I love sushi and I love when people I like to be around love sushi too! So he tells me about what direction we are going… it’s close… and he keeps talking and I realize it’s mine and my ex-husband’s favorite sushi place. :-\ Seriously? At least I know its a good restaurant… but who likes taking a different guy after going into this restaurant with the same guy for YEARS! I want to cry (not really but i do wanna shrivel up a little).  I don’t mention it. So all the while I am in my head while not talking to him. I’m probably the most dull person he’s come in to contact with this month. So then I start worrying about that. I can’t think of a damn thing to say. I’m racking my brain and coming up empty every time. My mind has never been so empty. I’m even boring myself.

I have this aha! moment when we are almost done eating. “So my friends are doing a game night tonight. They’ve been pestering me all day about it. Interested?” So… we end up at game night. And the night is instantly better! Blame it on the fact that we get more people to fill the silence, blame it on the wine, blame it on the fact that my friends are there, blame it on it actually being a good date, blame whatever! It turned around! I did get embarrassed quite often – blushed a ton (thanks to the game that eluded to sex like 50,000 times) – but we had such a good time. Conversation was easy the rest of the night. Even on the drive back to his place. He said he’d like to see me again. (I’ve heard that before.) Maybe its just one of those things guys say at the end of a date. We shall see. At this point the jury is still out on whether I’d even agree to date number two. I’m just glad it wasn’t a total bust – in my opinion… and after all, we decided mine is the only one that matters.  🙂

I am exhausted just reliving it. Maybe this will get easier. Or maybe I can boycott the traditional dinner date. Does it give off the wrong vibe if I just wanna order take out and have a movie marathon??? Seems way less stressful. Maybe I’ll come up with more creative non-stressful (less stressful! Lets be honest, I don’t know how to NOT stress) date ideas. Suggestions are welcome!

Okay, that’s enough for now. Later!