Posts Tagged ‘feeling loved’

not feeling loved

March 14, 2016

It hurts not being a priority in the lives of people you prioritize highly on your list.

It’s not enough for someone to say things like “I love you”, “I want you”, “You are important to me”. Talk is cheap. If those same words aren’t penetrating my feels, it’s meaningless.

Is this my problem? Yes, yes it is. It certainly is if no one else cares enough to figure out what it would take for me to feel what they say they feel.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s my fault that I didn’t feel it. But there are certain actions that could’ve helped. Am I spoiled? Am I expecting too much? No, I just can’t believe that. If I don’t feel loved, then that’s all there is to it.

I broke up with Andy this weekend. After going to see him two weekends in a row, and him not leaving his town to see me til after 6pm on saturday. I’m not okay with that. Why am I not worth a little bit of urgency? We ONLY get the weekends. And sure, one weekend doesn’t make me less, but one weekend on top of other choices he’s made about his time and money…? He can say he loves me and even add an extra squeeze to a hug and say “so much” with it and still never make decisions accordingly… And he may have felt all that.

I’ve said this before and I will continue to stick by this. A lot of relationships aren’t falling apart because the lack of love. It’s the perception (of lack) of love that does it for us. When love languages aren’t matching up and love tanks aren’t being filled… that’s what is killing our marriages and relationships. But if people are not willing to try other ways to show love then they essentially give up. If handing her a rose doesn’t say I love you in her eyes, then try washing her dishes… try watching a movie with her… or cuddling with her… I’m betting at some point you’ll get it right. And same goes for her. If he doesn’t care much for random gifts, or small acts of service try touching him! We are a needy type of people. We are relational beings. We need to feel!

Any way… climbing off my soapbox. I’m sad today. But I’m eternally hopefull even if I’m feeling less lucky about my prospects of finding something more forever.

Monday, bleh.

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feeling loved

November 10, 2014

I talked to my sister recently about boys… imagine that. Mundane enough, right?

We grew up in a very religious house hold. Everything was bad. It’s not about being safe and moderate it was about sacrifice. NO NO NO NO NO. So when it came to sex, naturally abstinence was the rule. But my sister got involved with an older guy at age 14… sex was involved. I thought it was this young age that has affected her and her view on relationships and men from then on… Thought she was affected by the older boy on top of the guilt she may have felt for going against a religion that was so heavily preached and ingrained in us.

Fast forward to current day. Me and my sister are 27… She confided in me that she knows now she seeks out affection from men… because this is how she feels loved. This is the only time she has EVER felt loved by men. EVER. What does this mean? My dad wasn’t very affectionate. He was the book nerd type. He read us stories from child craft. He taught us to study by reading our texts books to us and quizzing us. He prayed over us at night. BUt the most affectionate I remember him being was literally tucking us in bed at night. Otherwise he was reading on his own. Or on the internet. Basically once his work day was over, he was done. Me and my sister decided we don’t remember anything hands on from both our parents. Why is it then, that her act of love… her love tank… if we go with “the 5 love languages” theory… is only filled by intimate contact? There was a hole… and she is filling it with what was missing? is that how it works. It’s not she was loved in so many ways and that’s how she feels it now out of habit…? but the opposite? Forgive me if this isn’t making a whole lot of sense. I’m just brainstorming. Just don’t understand why we were shown love by being provided for, by being pushed in academics, by a whole host of other ways, but the one way that we didn’t get we seek… Why is it not habit to feel love by how we’ve always been shown it.

Let me be honest… Hearing my sister say this was like… well… reflecting my own thoughts. I want to be touched. This is when I feel my most worthy. And my sexual back ground is the complete opposite of hers. I was 18 when I lost my virginity. And it was to my boyfriend of over a year and half… who i eventually married.

I don’t know, just rambling on. Maybe this is completely normal for women. I know that the word slut gets thrown out a lot at females… the whole double standards of having a lot of sexual partners. Man, if men (and some women) only knew that the reason (some) girls turn into “sluts” is because we mistake the time spent on us in the act of sex with how much the person doing the act with us feels about us and the promise this act might mean. With every time they give their bodies to a man they think this could be it… This is my turning point. My life just started. He is the difference. He is my future… only to wake up finding out that the chickens were counted too early. And we kick ourselves because we know… this isn’t the answer. but how else do we get that love we want. We give what we think will make the difference. and every time the hope is there. and every time dashed. But its worth the possible dashing to be loved. In those moments she is whole. Happy.

My heart breaks for these scenarios. I hear about it all the time. Wonder what will bridge the worth that we really are to the worth we feel we are….