Posts Tagged ‘daddy’

my current scene :-/

December 13, 2017

So… where am I in the bdsm scene?

My daddy/dom friggin eloped.

I’m sad mostly because I found out about this thru fucking facebook. Ugh!

I was hardly playing with him lately because of his current relationship. Him and his girlfriend opened up their relationship for him to have me (specifically just me) as a play partner as long as she knew as little as possible about when/where/details of it all. So basically he had to sneak around to make it happen… and he wasn’t good at it. And that was a hard role to play. I hated feeling like the other woman. HATED IT. So we weren’t playing very often. 😦

Then he eloped. And I’m pissed. He wants to continue, but I just don’t like this. It doesn’t feel good. And if it doesn’t feel good…. then, why do it?

So, how’s my bdsm life? Non fucking existent.

I did get back on fetlife… but there is no one impressive at all. I’ve chatted with one guy for a bit… and I MIGHT meet him now that daddy is out of the equation.

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velcro

June 10, 2016

mike

He wants to be my daddy. And I’d love that. He would be a good one. I know he would be. One major catch tho. He works in Tokyo and travels a shit ton. I need some skin on skin time to know whether I can have him as my daddy on a permanent basis. Could I handle being collared by someone so far off?

panman

He wants to scene me. And that is all we would be. Play partners. Him and mommy are still together and seem to be doing good I guess. I wish they would just close off their relationship and he would stop tugging at me. I want to scene with him. I just know that it’ll be more drama than its worth. I don’t want mommy mad at me. panman wants me to be a permanent fixture in his life, but how can that work. Counter intuitive to this particular blog post, I’m completely monogamous when my heart is involved.

Trip

Some desperate guy that messages me randomly and I don’t know why. He says we should hang out but then never follows through. More of an annoyance actually. I think I’ll ghost him. I don’t normally do that, but he is so so random. I don’t understand how someone I don’t know at all will come at my beck and call… any time of day or night. Wish I could say I haven’t tested him on that… I don’t know him that well, but he’s handsome and nice and strong and has a good job and all this surface stuff that makes the desperation vibe feel out of place.

coach

This guy lives 2 hours away and works 1 hour away. He expects me to always do the leg work. “come see me.” Boy, please! I ain’t that desperate. Plus, if I go down there I KNOW that he’ll want me to pay for a hotel room because he lives with his brother and heaven forbid anyone know I exist. He thinks I’m an idiot. He’s the biggest mooch I’ve ever dealt with. I pretty much just keep saying no.

R

I don’t know why he isn’t jumping at me. He always says he wants to. And he never ever follows through. Normally he can’t. He works to much. But now he has fallen into a better position with more money and less hours and still… where is he? I’d love to try a relationship with him at some point. I just don’t know why he drags his feet. I suppose he could just be a huge liar. And say he wants wants wants us to happen but really could he just be too lazy or un-enthused to make it happen? I don’t get this one. I swear he says he wants me and loves me even. But I don’t know why there’s no follow through. Is he waiting on me? I feel it when we are together. Something good and solid could be here. I’m confused tho. Obviously my reading skills are off on this one. But surely that connection I feel isn’t fake. That would be hard to fabricate, right?

trey

Oh trey. Gah, you are growing on me. I haven’t seen him since Sunday and truth be told I kind of miss him.

stephen

What in the world are you doing messaging me. You live in Ohio. lol I don’t get it. Just boredom??

m

Why do you have to string me along. I had (have?) so much love for you. The what ifs… and maybe down the roads… are driving me insane. I wanted that with you… want? Last June I wouldn’t given ANYTHING to have it. And still you say let’s try in the future.

—-

I’m so jumbled up by mitch. I feel like I’m clinging and could cling to anything right now. I feel like Velcro. I could stick to anything. And things are sticking to me. And all that’s happening is I’m getting a little dirty. Sigh. My nerves feel shot. I feel all over the place. flailing. I’m sad. I just thought mitch was going to be it… now I’m in the muck again. And I’m allowing all of it to happen. I am letting myself become this girl. Some of it is fun, but mainly I’m just passing the time. I’m just covering up the hurt I feel. I’m using and being used. I know I am. I just… don’t know what else to do right now. Feels like I can’t help but go down this path…

missing panman

March 2, 2016

Panman was becoming one of my closest friends. I value him. I respect him. I enjoy him.

When I didn’t break up with A he stopped speaking to me. He didn’t even listen to my reasoning. He didn’t let me talk it out with him. I needed him to be open.

I miss him. It’s not fair. I want him back. Why can’t I have my friend back. He has his person. And I have mine. Why can’t that be okay?

I feel like there is a weird double standard somewhere in all this. He wanted me to join him in his open relationship but he isn’t willing to be third party to mine? Okay, no I don’t want that, I just meant… Why does it have to be in that capacity for him to accept me as a person and friend?

I wish he would hear me out. I haven’t talked to him in 3 days. And it feels like forever.

And I know I say “friendship” and I know I wish that is where we could leave it. But at the same time I just want to crawl in his lap and have him hold me and call me his baby girl. Tell me I’m perfect and beautiful and stroke my hair.

Where does that even come from? Why is that desire there? I want to be with A. And I don’t need a romantic relationship with panman…. but I want him to shelter me all the same.

I guess I have some double standard-ing going on too. Just… don’t know how to reconcile it all.

I miss him.