Posts Tagged ‘confused’


June 13, 2016

Every part of my psychical and spiritual being hurts for what happened.




So many people effected. Dead. Injured. Families of those dead and injured. Friends. Co-workers. Neighbors.

Hearing that authorities have talked to him in the past. He’s been on watch lists. Hearing phrases like “not under investigation at the time of the shooting” or the fact that he bought a few guns within a few weeks of the shooting… BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND!

I want to be like everyone else. I want to point fingers. Fix the kink in the chain for next time.

Then to continue thinking about how one man could take down so many people before it stopped. Did any one try to jump in? Did anyone try?? I mean out of 360 degrees of angles, surely one man could be taken down. I don’t know that I would’ve tried. I don’t know! But I just can’t wrap my mind around this. I can’t picture the scene.

I hurt. My body. My mind. My spirit. My soul. My words. My thoughts. Everything that has ever made up part of my being is in pain.

belt or leash?

October 23, 2015

There’s are particular fetish I don’t quite understand. I mean… there’s a lot of fucked up shit out there… that I’m pretty easily not gonna judge. And when I say fucked up… I don’t mean any more fucked up than me. I’d never NOT put myself in this category… especially when it comes to sexual preferences.

But the whole pet thing. I don’t get it. Tails. Leashes. Its… not sexy to me. I know, I know. to each his own. Most people don’t go all water fall over being choked and whipped either… :-\ I am quite open minded because of this.

So… with all this being said here’s what happened one night.

Sir is getting in the habit of putting a belt around my neck during most scenes. I’m very happy about this as it took a while for him to incorporate breath play at all.

But last time he took the end of the belt and said, “Let’s go to the bedroom.” So I do what I would normally do. I stand up and take a step. He immediately reminds me I haven’t been told to get up. So… I’m on all fours. Crawling. Towards the bedroom. Him holding the end of the belt… the leash. A LEASH!? What just happened. I’m internally battling this. I don’t like this. I’m sure it’s written on my face. When i’m in scene I turn off my filters. I react. It’s the only time I get to do this. This is why I LOVE BDSM. I get to drop all the facades. I am hating this moment. He slows down. Great, now I have to be led like a dog for an even longer time. Then he pulls the belt tighter… and lower. and he puts his lips to my ear while putting extra pressure on my neck. He says things to me. I don’t remember them. I just know that I’m being turned on. And I’m still hating it. And I stop hating it. And I’m his pet… What. just. happened?!

He commanded me to get on the bed and let go of the leash. The leash instantly morphs back into a belt. I’m his sub again.

I can’t stop thinking about this moment. I’m confused the most because it’s all of a sudden not that weird. And I get it.