Posts Tagged ‘broken heart’

I miss moments….

August 10, 2016

When you sink into someone

and sigh an ‘I love you’

because in that moment

you feel nothing else.

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feels

July 30, 2016

I have too many. A mistake has been made. I’ve been allotted more than my share. I must have taken someone else’s. They are sitting there… all hard to the world… feeling nothing. Do I envy them?  I don’t know. I mean… Normally I feel like this is a gift. But all the feelings are hurting me right now. Like an open attack on my heart. On my mind. On that stupid spot on my forearm…

Must be a mistake.

mess

July 21, 2016

I feel like I’ve made such a mess for myself that I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to fix it. To fix me. I feel so guarded right now.

I’ve never even tried being guarded before. I’ve always been so open to what the universe has for me. And right now I’m nothing but emergency break and quick getaway cars.

I’m a mess. A big broken mess.

Celibacy?

June 19, 2016

So I’ve had an interesting thought swimming in my brain the last few days. 

A dude cleanse. 

And I don’t mean friendships. Or dates even. Strictly sex. I haven’t made anyone wait since I’ve been divorced. No one. Why? Because I’m a dude. I want it more than they do. But look at this pattern I’ve got myself in. 

It’s chaotic. And I didn’t wanna admit it before. But it’s becoming predictable, no? 

What if I did something different? What if I vowed to stay sex-less for 3 months. Or 6?  Sex-less… Celibate. 

What if I decided to put an amount of time on knowing someone before sex. 

Now, I know that this isn’t a new idea. I realize some people have this rule. And that it’s a smart, non whorish practice to have. 

But my view on sex is that it doesn’t make anyone a good or bad person for how often or how little or how soon or how long you wait. I don’t think it has an effect on who that person is. 

It may, tho, be something I should do to respect myself more. My body. My health. My broken heart. My bruised spirit. My rambling ambling soul. 

Just a thought. I’m not even sure where it came from or to what end. But that’s been bouncing around my head.