Posts Tagged ‘bondage’

subspace

October 5, 2015

He spent a few minutes in the bedroom preparing something. He called me in. I obeyed immediately. I was sitting on the edge of my seat anyway in the next room – excited with anticipation. All I knew about what was to come was the phrase “heavy session.” I didn’t know exactly what he meant, but I was good just knowing there was a plan! I love when there is forethought. I feel a little less appreciated when our play dates come around and my partner is winging it. But Sir T always has a plan. Always has a next step. Always a progression.

I enter my bedroom. He’s already there. I see it in his eyes. He is all Dom in this moment. I love that. He puts a blind fold on me. In one motion he spins me around, picks me up, and quite literally throws me up and onto the bed. I’m already enjoying every second. He commands me to lie flat, face down. Limb by limb he secures me with rope to the bed. It’s tight. It’s secure. It feels safe and comforting… counter intuitive? Maybe, but masochism doesn’t make sense in and of itself either.

He starts in with the flogger. I love everything about a flogger. I love when it’s used like a weapon. Beating me with the countless tails. I love it when I’m being caressed by one… feeling the leather of each strip every where all at once. When the handle is being pushed into my back or teasing me… I feel everything. Pain. All the pain. All the nerves in my back and ass are on fire. And begging for more.

He uses several toys. Paddles, a crop, other tools I can’t quite determine with the blindfold on. I love the way a crop sounds. It has a purr right before it strikes. I can always recognize this one.

At some point I stop feeling pain. Nothing hurts. And I know I can handle just about anything he wants to do to me. Everywhere that has been touched just feels warm, and every strike following it just leaves me hungry. I’m feeling desperate. I want more and more and more. I can only squirm as much as the rope will let me. I start shaking. I just want more. I don’t feel pain, but my mouth responds to pain. With every blow I’m crying out in pain, but why? I feel nothing but yummy heat. My body is leaning in to every blow, then running away in response. It’s as if there are two of me. One hurting and one enjoying.

He knows where I am, and sees both of me struggling to co-exist. This is where he wants me. He puts his hand on me. On my back. Pressing down. Bringing me back just enough to know I’m okay. He says something. What did he say? I must have responded for he is satisfied with the answer. My ankles are set free. He picks me up at the hips. Forcing my knees under me. Positioning me to receive him. But I’m not here. I’m somewhere else. High on pain and torture in such a blissful way. Before my mind can catch up with my body my wrists are untied one at a time. He slips off the blindfold. But I’m assaulted by the light. Even when I finally do open my eyes, I can’t see straight. Everything is blurry. I lay down. He is close by. Petting me back to reality. It takes so long to come back. I can tell I’m fighting to stay where I was. My body is convulsing. There’s a smile on my face. And tears? Why am I crying? I feel so good. My eyes still can’t see for a long time.

This was by far the most intense session yet. Heavy session?? Yes, again please! I’ve never experienced subspace in such a complete way before. I never quite made it out of my body before… Incredible!

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Sir T

September 11, 2015

We decided to meet for a few drinks before dinner time on Friday. As I walked up he was getting out of his car. Now… let me see… how to say this respectfully…

Remember Mr. Dimples? He oozed cute and sexy. I couldn’t stop staring. Sir T is older. He’s been in this scene for over 20 years. He started at age 17! He’s 40ish years old. That’s older than I had been looking for. But this guy’s resume is worth looking past age and, quite frankly, looks. He’s 5’11” and probably around 230/240lbs. He wears classes with a yellow tint and he has quite a gut on him. BUT, like I said, his experience in this art is intense. I could learn a whole hell of a lot from him. He has had experience with everything.

On top of that he use to be a photographer. I saw his portfolio (I guess that’s what you’d call it) and his rope work coupled with his photography skills is fantastic! Drool worthy! I’m enamored just knowing what he can do, and what he can offer me!

He started out training as a switch under a dominatrix at age 17. He was her sub, and in turn had a few subs for himself. He only subbed for her. Easy to see how valued he was to her. It’s easy to think, “Well, that’s what he SAYS anyway, but how can you know?” He has a reference list. Past subs, current subs, people he’s mentored, people he IS mentoring. It’s clear he is serious about earning my trust. It’s intense and legit from all angles that I can tell. No red flags.

He isn’t pompous or trying to read my mind or full of himself or condescending. After he says anything he asks where I stand on topics. He truly wants to know where I’ve come from and what I’m thinking. And he remembers everything I say. It’s easy to see how meticulous he is. He does everything with purpose. Every conversation, every question. There’s always layers to what he is looking for. One answer tells him 5 different things about me. I love this about him. My mind doesn’t work like this. And it’s so fascinating to recognize.

It’s hard not to wish he was a bit more on the attractive side, but like I said… he more than tips the scales in all other areas.

After a few drinks he wants to walk around the mall some. Walk off the pre-dinner beer. He takes me into a shop and picks out a few dresses. I put them on for him. I was really nervous about sizes and looking terrible in front of him. I was getting so self conscious, but, actually, it was really fun. He has a good eye. They were beautiful. They fit. Overall it was great.

At this point he is interested in taking me under his wing. And I feel completely honored. One thing I noticed about him that was different from the other guys I’d met with: I could look into his eyes. I mean… not just a passing glance… I could sit in his gaze a I didn’t feel the need to look away. I don’t feel comfortable doing this very often. It said something deep to me. Just a feeling. Maybe it’s nothing.

I just have the one hang up. R. I can’t get him off my mind.

He’s pleased

June 19, 2015

Hands behind my back held there only by the knowledge that if I put them else where I’d be punished. I’d be a disappointment. I hold them there. I am led toward the other corner of the room. He leads from behind so he can watch me. I’m am giddy with excitement and stiff with fear. One foot in front of the other. Not knowing exactly where he wants me. I make sure to feel his guiding like a train track. Staying the course because he needs it that way. His need for obedience is perfectly matched with my need to please him. I’m desperate for his words of praise. It fills me. I smile.

We stop… under the door frame. He turns me around. leaving my back to him. He disappears. Where did he go? I know not to move. Delighted I know not to move. I know where he wants me without words. This makes us both happy. I make us both happy.

I hear him open something… I smile. I don’t know this sound and it makes me all the more excited. What is it? I’m still smiling. My back still to him. I hear him make a noise. It’s a combination of excitement and laughter… a short staccato sound coming from deep within him with so much meaning. He is as excited as I am. That sound… he knows what he is going to do. Knows I do not. And this spurs him on all the more. His movements become quicker, but still in control. Every move still 100% on purpose. Foot steps get closer to me.

“Turn. Hands.” I turn. I hold out my hands to him. The first time I dare move them since we started. With skilled hands he effortlessly binds them together. It’s perfect. I couldn’t escape if I tried, yet, it’s comforting. It stirs the nerve endings over my entire body. I can feel all he wants to do and all that is about to happen as if my skin can see the future. I try to guess what will be first. I can’t. But this makes it better. Every part of me is already jealous of the attention my wrists are getting.

He turns me again. His arms are around me. I’m lit on fire. My hands are pulled above my head. extended just before taught. More tying. But this time to the fixture above the doorframe that’s been unnoticed.

He moves my body… pulling me down as far as the rope will let me, spreading my legs as far apart as the door frame allows. I’m completely outstretched.

He runs his hands down both sides of my body… making involuntary approving sounds as he feels my skin get prickly from the goose pumps. He knows I’m scared. He feels my nerves. He knows I want this as badly as he does.

He takes his caress from me. He’s gone again. He loves knowing I’m at his mercy. I feel his excitement as he feels my fear. The emotions feeding each other… growing exponentially.

Where is he? The shower turns on. He’s left me there to squirm as much as possible with the movements he made sure i didn’t have. This has the intended effect. My excitement continues to build.

The shower turns off. Curtain pulled back. Towel rack sings. He’s moving slow. On purpose. Everything on purpose. He enters the room. He approaches me from behind. Stops just short of me. I can feel his warmth. Hear him breath. Smell the aroma of the shower still on him.

He touches my back. It isn’t skin.

Mmmm. Leather.

My breath catches with the knowledge. He leans in, knowing i know… whispers in my ear. touching his damp face to my shoulder. My breath catches again, but this time accompanied by a violent quiver down my body. He revels in my reaction. He’s pleased.

My 50 cents on 50 Shades

March 2, 2015

Okay, let me first get a few things out of the way.

The only experience I have with this trilogy is giving up on the first book (because I found it incredibly boring and NOT from my lack of sex drive) and watching the first movie twice.
Also, women want a man to take control. Okay. Sure. Yes. we wanna be picked up and thrown around. Maybe even experiment with a hand cuff or blind fold or two. We do NOT like it when our significant other (or lesser) asks us if we wanna have sex. Excuse me? What? No. Not in the mood. Ahaha of course we aren’t in the mood. we aren’t naturally ready to go like men are. We take a bit of time. A bit of an investment, if you will. Turn us on! Don’t ask us permission to penetrate us. That shit is lazy.  (Of course there are exceptions to this. Some women do have a higher sex drive. And their are things that turn us on without actually being seduced in the traditional sense.) Guys, if you think asking permission for sex is the start of a good night, it’s time to relearn a few things! And if she does say yes she won’t enjoy it for at least the initial contact. That was an obligatory “yes”. But just because we know we want to be taken charge of and we want to be seduced with a little force doesn’t mean every woman is into the kinky stuff as much as they’d like to believe as this “50 Shades” fad takes over. BUT I guarantee that the first nipple clamp will have any desperate house wife begging for some vanilla sex and maybe a cop on the scene. Just saying.
Now, if you’ve stuck with me that long you’ve made it to the actual topic.
<stepping on soap box; commencing rant>
The biggest fear I have about this movie is that it’ll give the BDSM scene a bad rap! I just made myself laugh with that last statement. Isn’t’ that all this scene is? A bad kinky rap? That most people are repulsed by. That most people have a negative opinion about? And that is BEFORE you talk to those people about disrespect of woman and how this is abuse… blah blah blah. I thought I had lots to say on this subject. I have a very passionate opinion here. But as I brainstormed for this blog I realized I only have one thing in particular I want to clear up about this whole movie. and about now what the main stream media is doing with BDSM image.
What BDSM isn’t:
It isn’t about sacrifice. A d/s relationship doesn’t work if both parties aren’t IN LOVE with this whole scene. The Dom has to get off on being in control whether that involves inflicting pain or not. and the Sub has to get off on being controlled and making her Dom happy whether that involves some masochism or not! both parties are 100 percent satisfied by anything that goes on in a bondage scene. If this isn’t the case then someone is being abused. Period. If this isn’t mutually enjoyed then it shouldn’t be at all. This whole thing is for pleasure. For all parties. The entire time.
A sub wants to make her master happy. It’s a turn on to make her dom feel proud her by doing what he asks. He is in turn turned on by her obedience and it turns into this delectable cycle of “yes sir”/”good girl”. (or yes ma’am/good boy…)
It isn’t about total disregard for one’s preferences. Anna just wanted a normal boyfriend relationship with this guy. She even said almost immediately, “What if i don’t want any part of THAT?” She wanted him so badly that she was willing to give in to his demands at least in part. My fear would be with the limits that are set up ahead of time. If he doesn’t give her preferences weight in some areas in life, why would he think he needs to respect them in the “play room”? This part of the whole thing…. ugh! NOT COOL!
It isn’t about total disrespect for her space/opinions/property. There are people out there in the scene that take part in Total Power Exchange – this includes every aspect of their life. Again this is completely mutual. Every party involved gets equal pleasure out of it. But for Christian to just sell her car and buy a new one…? Seriously? She could possibly have an opinion on this. Did it even cross his mind to even ask for maybe a color preference of the car?! Big fat NOPE! And getting her a lap top? and clothes? She might have an opinion!!!!!!!!!!! And in fact, in each of these instances Anna voices her displeasure in all of it. This is not what The Scene is about. If both parties aren’t completely trusting and there isn’t a shit ton of respect there… I can guarantee its not fun for anyone.
And one more thing, I hear the nay-sayers talk about how even the music from this movie is getting too much attention and taking the charts just because the 50 Shades craze. Well, I have one thing to say to those people. Ellie Goulding fucking rocks. The music crew for the movie just did a great job. Plain and simple. It didn’t need the movie to be awesome music. Had to be said.
Sigh… I suppose that is all. Had to defend the subject. Stepping off my soap box now. Have a good one!