Posts Tagged ‘binge eating disorder’

week 7

September 6, 2016

Beginning of week 7… I’m not optimistic about the numbers on the scale still. But still feel fantastic. I don’t think the big number I was aiming for in the beginning of this is feasible. I am doing my best and the numbers just aren’t happening. I’m not letting myself get too down over the numbers. The mirror is being good to me. So I’ll have to go with that. The big number is 30 lbs in 17 weeks. But now Hoping for 22? I don’t know. I’ve added heavier lifting and more cardio through the week. I’m interested in seeing what will come of that.

The consistency part is the best part about this whole thing. It really feels like a life style change this time.

I’m struggling a little bit not to binge since my vacation. I took time off of being super strict and my cravings are starting to wear me out. I gave last night. I snaked out on some chips and cheese dip. I didn’t eat it all tho. Whoa. I just realized that. I DIDN’T FINISH THE BAG OR THE TUB OF CHEESE!! Maybe even with the binge there is improvement!

I just have to push passed all the dang cravings. The break wasn’t worth how hard it is hitting it again.

So… to break or not to break next time?

It’s either go insane not taking a cheat or go insane after a cheat. What’s easier? What is better for me long term?

I’ll have to stick with where my cheating was what I was eating and not the amount I was eating. I was cheating but keeping the calorie count where it needed to be. Maybe that’s the ticket. I’ll try that again this week.

I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m trying to talk myself into a better brain space here. Fake it til I make it, right?? Because really I do feel good about all this. I just hoped that my best would look a bit better than this. Let’s see what week 7 looks like. I won’t have numbers to post or compare because I’ve put my scale up. But lets see where my brain is later this week.

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cheese dip and workouts

April 4, 2016

I just had my yearly review. I’ve been anxious about it for a week now. So so so anxious. It went fine. Nothing unexpected happened or was said.

But the anxiousness leaves me hungry. I’m starving! Emotional hunger is so so real. I can’t believe how real it feels some times.

I know its not real because the only thing that would satisfy this hunger is cheese dip and chips. That’s all I can think about right now. It’s an hour and 10 minutes until my lunch break. I’ve got to figure a healthy way to curb this, but no resolution is coming to mind.

That’s a lie.

I just keep diverting my attention back to cheese dip.

I’ve got a very rigorous workout schedule planned for this week. I’m keenly aware of the fact that I’m pushing it to the point that I can’t lie to myself about the healthiness of it.

I’m rationalizing the fuck out of all of it! It’s insane.

I’ve got 6 crossfit classes planned. 2 of those are AM sessions. I need to add in some long rows after class too. One treadmill interval workout. And a bike ride or two. Also, going to the driving range with mitch… but that one barely counts.

See it’s not THAT crazy. Nah. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll be super sore by Wednesday, but don’t worry, I’ll eat plenty. :-\

binge/detox

March 28, 2016

I binged yesterday.

I can say this a hell of a lot more than I say this.

Had my first hiccup with mitch. It spun me out a little bit.

I feel awful today. Me and mitch worked it out fine. He has some jealousy baggage from past relationships that he tried to drop on my doorstep. I shut that down. And quick. We will be stronger than that. Done.

But I still needed ice cream. So I made that happen. Also, dinner was a fiasco. At least I did it with the food that was in the fridge already.

Usually I don’t stop til everything is gone. Which is not good on a day where I just did meal prep for the week. Could’ve wasted all my efforts.

At least this binge didn’t clean me out this time or effect my pocket book more than the cost of the ice cream… as in… I didn’t splurge on $30 – $50 on food delivery like I normally do when the urge hits.

My stomach hates me today. I’m exhausted too. Coincidence? Not a chance. Of course I already got my compensatory workout in at 6am this morning.

And again, we are at a detox Monday. Is this going to be my whole life?