Posts Tagged ‘bdsm community’

kink ties

February 4, 2016

Quite often I get the, what I call, Cold Call Add on Fetlife. This is when you get a random person requesting to be friends that you have neither a) met in real life or b) exchanged any form of communication with. I typically ignore all these. They just sit there in pending status.

Last weekend I went to a party and met several fellow kinksters. I promptly added all of them… because that’s how it works. You meet people. You like people. You stay connected with people. Pretty average in my opinion.

After adding these gals (and one guy) I noticed for the first time that the people I have in friendship limbo are mutual friends of my new friends. So, on a whim, I hit accept. I accepted 3 friend reqests right then and there for no other reason than having friends in common. In any other mood I probably wouldn’t have acted so impulsively. I’m not an impulsive person. But the deed was done and that was that. Not really that big of a deal in and of itself, in my opinion.

LESS THAN AN HOUR LATER I get a message from a panman… “Heard you were packing on the Doms.” Huh? Dom packing? Is that a thing? Is that even desirable???? I didn’t realize that, yes, I indeed added 3 dom types. I barely recognized the fact that they were all male. I didn’t even go check out their profiles. I just impulsively hit accept.

Poor panman. I gave him an anxiety attack because some junior high kid decided to go tattle on me. SERIOUSLY? I didn’t even realize I was doing something tattle worthy. Not to mention, apparently I’m marked as panman’s. That part doens’t bother me. The fact that some little hater out there ran to him to alert him is my issue. I know how he feels about me. And if I was still apart of the community and single I’d be all about some panman. And I definitely understand the claim he (implicitly or explicitly – doesn’t matter in this particular rant) has on me. I just got a really bad taste in my mouth from the whole thing.

I’m glad panman approached me directly about it. I am glad he trusts me enough to believe me. Wonder who else I pissed off by doing so? Wonder who else’s view of me I tarnished by doing that. But I guess their assumptions are a reflections of their character, not mine.

Since I’ve “gone vanilla” with Andy, I question why I’m still on the site anyway. I don’t want to lose those connections is really the only argument I have. And it’s not even a good one. Because why keep this kink world on a string if I also hope to live happily ever after with Andy?

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who’s your mommy

January 27, 2016

So I met one of PanMan’s play partners last night. I had on my calendar to hang out with him. On the way he informed me that he had a friend over… “okay….” that’s cool I guess. I walk in and she’s standing in the kitchen. She’s slightly older. But hardly older than me to even mention.

But it IS worth mentioning. She wasn’t old but she was old. Let me try to rephrase this.

I walked in and immediately felt unconditionally valued by this woman. It was the way she hugged me. It was the way she let her body brush against mine. It was the way she let me rest my knee on her thigh. It was the way she treated me. She pet me. She let my little come out. She was only older in the fact that *I* drew out her mommy side. And in turn I became her kitten. And it felt right. It was instantaneous.

We all three chatted together. Listened to music that I don’t normally expose myself to. We talked about the community. The play parties I miss in my vanilla world. The weather. Her child. Her childhood. Mine. The way PanMan looks at me. The way I let him.

She ran her fingers through my hair and I leaned into it. It was a unique touch. It wasn’t one of lust or anything like that. But it wasn’t not sexual. But it wasn’t sexual. Was it? I don’t want her in that way. But I don’t distrust the thought of it. It’s a unique dynamic that I can only ramble about at the moment.

One of the amazing things about the bdsm community is how easy it is to let different sides of yourself shine through. I find myself as a little, a kitten, a sub, a brat, and a princess just depending on who I am talking to. I love it. And it puts me more in touch with those different sides of myself. I like recognizing who brings out what – whether they are in the community or have certain fetishes or not… And it’s hardly ever sexual. Just one of those things that lets you know yourself just a little bit better. It’s empowering.