Posts Tagged ‘5 love languages’

weekend with Andy

October 14, 2015

What an incredible weekend! Everything I felt for Andy before is only intensified. I CANNOT get enough. I dont’ think we spent a total of 20 seconds without touching each other in some form or fashion.

Everything was amazing from snuggling on the couch watching Star Wars to hiking and chilling at the bar with a few of my friends from out of town.

As we were cuddling on Saturday afternoon on my couch I had an overwhelming urge to body worship this man. I’ve NEVER body worshiped anyone or felt this urge before. I wanted to kiss every single spot on this man’s body. Not just to cover him, but to appreciate him. I didn’t ever say this, nor did I fully act on it, but I still can’t get over the sentiment and how powerful an urge it was. Maybe because Sir has been immersing me so much in my submission lately that it is a normal progression to feel. That my submissive side is being triggered by life in general. Even with someone I don’t have a d/s relationship with. This urge was so intense. I wonder if I could do this for him some day…. I kind of wish I would’ve just gone with it. I should’ve.

I am a big fan of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I believe this book has some great points about how we feel loved and instinctively show love. I think a lot of couples are not missing the amount of love it takes to stay together and flourish, but I do believe that there can be a huge displacement of how we show love versus how our partners feel loved. I feel like Andy’s natural way of showing how he cares, by using his words and touch, is 100% compatible with how my “love tank” is filled up. My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. Andy is quick to compliment. Quick to verbalize his feelings for me, and like I mentioned above we were constantly touching. I couldn’t have felt more for him if I tried! I know its early and feelings are always butterflies and rainbows at this stage… but I haven’t felt this complete in a long long long long time.

Sir did give me a few rules for the weekend. 1) No fucking in the ass. 2) He wasn’t allowed to cum inside me – in any of me.

This was surprisingly difficult to do. I had to tell Andy the rules, because there is no way I could’ve done that alone. We followed the rules successfully! (I forgot how many towels you can go thru with the pull out method. Ha!) But we managed and it didn’t detract from any of it. The sex was amazing. All of it. Every time. Every moment. I don’t get why having rules turns me on. I don’t understand this at all. But having tasks… putting things on my to-do (and to-don’t) list with Andy… only made me hotter!

Andy LOVED the lingerie. He mentioned it several times over the weekend how much he enjoyed it. “Have to send him a thank you note!” That one made me giggle. He’s so easy going. And open about everything. I asked him again about how he felt about our situation… about me and Sir… to see if any body language betrayed what he was saying. Everything he said felt honest and understanding. I can hardly believe how cool he is being about it.

He left on Sunday afternoon and my feels are still tingling like crazy. I’m loving missing him and longing for him. Feels amazing. I love the “I miss you” texts and full blown conversations about just wanting to be together… I love all of it. I know at some point this longing will become painful and urgent, but right now I’m just basking in the fact that I actually feel this way about someone and that HE DOES TOO!

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feeling loved

November 10, 2014

I talked to my sister recently about boys… imagine that. Mundane enough, right?

We grew up in a very religious house hold. Everything was bad. It’s not about being safe and moderate it was about sacrifice. NO NO NO NO NO. So when it came to sex, naturally abstinence was the rule. But my sister got involved with an older guy at age 14… sex was involved. I thought it was this young age that has affected her and her view on relationships and men from then on… Thought she was affected by the older boy on top of the guilt she may have felt for going against a religion that was so heavily preached and ingrained in us.

Fast forward to current day. Me and my sister are 27… She confided in me that she knows now she seeks out affection from men… because this is how she feels loved. This is the only time she has EVER felt loved by men. EVER. What does this mean? My dad wasn’t very affectionate. He was the book nerd type. He read us stories from child craft. He taught us to study by reading our texts books to us and quizzing us. He prayed over us at night. BUt the most affectionate I remember him being was literally tucking us in bed at night. Otherwise he was reading on his own. Or on the internet. Basically once his work day was over, he was done. Me and my sister decided we don’t remember anything hands on from both our parents. Why is it then, that her act of love… her love tank… if we go with “the 5 love languages” theory… is only filled by intimate contact? There was a hole… and she is filling it with what was missing? is that how it works. It’s not she was loved in so many ways and that’s how she feels it now out of habit…? but the opposite? Forgive me if this isn’t making a whole lot of sense. I’m just brainstorming. Just don’t understand why we were shown love by being provided for, by being pushed in academics, by a whole host of other ways, but the one way that we didn’t get we seek… Why is it not habit to feel love by how we’ve always been shown it.

Let me be honest… Hearing my sister say this was like… well… reflecting my own thoughts. I want to be touched. This is when I feel my most worthy. And my sexual back ground is the complete opposite of hers. I was 18 when I lost my virginity. And it was to my boyfriend of over a year and half… who i eventually married.

I don’t know, just rambling on. Maybe this is completely normal for women. I know that the word slut gets thrown out a lot at females… the whole double standards of having a lot of sexual partners. Man, if men (and some women) only knew that the reason (some) girls turn into “sluts” is because we mistake the time spent on us in the act of sex with how much the person doing the act with us feels about us and the promise this act might mean. With every time they give their bodies to a man they think this could be it… This is my turning point. My life just started. He is the difference. He is my future… only to wake up finding out that the chickens were counted too early. And we kick ourselves because we know… this isn’t the answer. but how else do we get that love we want. We give what we think will make the difference. and every time the hope is there. and every time dashed. But its worth the possible dashing to be loved. In those moments she is whole. Happy.

My heart breaks for these scenarios. I hear about it all the time. Wonder what will bridge the worth that we really are to the worth we feel we are….