Archive for the ‘holidays’ Category

day after thanksgiving (hospital part 1)

December 27, 2016

The very next day after thanksgiving I worked a half day. I came home. I played with my nephew, saw my nephew and sister off to their next holiday location, and took a nap.

When I woke up I had pain in my upper stomach. It was significant. I figured I was paying for my fudge and cake consumption. I had this coming. Fair enough. But soon after I started throwing up. Then I thought maybe it’s something my body just needed to get rid of. Something didn’t sit right. The body is good at detoxing in that way. Just let it run its course out… in whatever direction it chose.

2 hours later I’m still puking and now I’m in cold sweats and too weak to make it to the bathroom. I started out throwing up in the toilet. Rinsing my mouth and blowing my nose in between each episode before returning to my bed. Now I’m puking off the side of my bed into my trash can and wiping my mouth on my sheets… rolling back onto my pillow to try to gather myself for the next violent hurl.

3 hours in… I can’t even think straight enough to find my phone. People shouldn’t live alone. I couldn’t think. Much less type or even see straight enough to text. The pain was increasing with each episode. I’ve lost count. I can’t move except for when I try to aim at the trash can.

4 hours in… The pain continues to increase. I finally know this isn’t just something my body is going to get rid of. There’s nothing left. I’m in need of help. I reach out and relief flooded me when my phone was within just a few grabs away. I call my sister… I’m not sure why. She isn’t even in the state any more. Advice… I need advice. What do I do? But the real question is what could I do. This phone call was already stretching my capabilities. She tells me to hang up and call help right away… did she mention my ex or did I go there instinctively? My next phone call was to my ex husband. All I can muster is “Help”.

He shows up with my brother. (quick reminder: they live together. Also they were about to head out of town for a hunting trip.) They assess me. I’m bad. Very very bad. If I walked into me like that I would’ve loaded up my poor self and gone straight to the ER. But these boys just experienced a stomach virus a week prior. They figured it was the same. So we wait it out some more… I’m in and out of sleep and vomit and pain induced rocking.

6 hours in… I can’t take the pain any longer. This is not passing. This is something else. I tell them in as few syllables as possible that it’s hospital time. They tell me I need to get dressed, but I can’t imagine moving. This commute is already too hard for me. These boys jump right in. They dress me. They carry me. They find my insurance card with the rare grunts I can muster. Somewhere along the way my mom joins the party.

My little brother is my rock star in this moment. He takes care of the front desk and paperwork and whatever else it might take to get me help.

bake time!

December 21, 2016

I want to bake!

I want to spend 4 hours kneading and letting bread rise.

I want flour allllllllll over my kitchen! I wanna play christmas music and clean and put up my tiny pathetic tree while I wait for it to bake!

That is all. 🙂

a quick catch up

December 4, 2016
  • My vegas trip was amazing! Including exclusive open bar happy hours at the top of super tall hotels, steak dinners, limo rides, floor seats at a concert, so much alcohol. All at no expense to me. It was so much fun! I also found enough people to randomly go sight seeing with me and help me get the vegas experience. I’ll probably never be wined and dined like that ever again. It was so much fun to feel important!

 

  • I had the best Thanksgiving with my baby brother, my sister, and her 5 month old. I was really sad approaching thanksgiving week because my family wasn’t getting together. My mom was going on vacation with her fiance and my other brother (who has been hosting such events since my parents’ divorce) hadn’t bothered reaching out about it. I felt a bit orphaned and abandoned. Then I realized that all my other siblings probably felt the same. So I organized a tiny, semi-non-traditional Thanksgiving just for us. It was better than I could’ve imagined.

 

  • After cooking the thanksgiving dinner, tho, I spent the next 4 days in the hospital… classic huh? The very first time I try to cook something more than fudge…. and I end up almost killing my innards. Thankfully, somehow, my brother and sister were unaffected.

 

  • There’s this boy. I’ve been trying to figure him out. I’ll say more about him soon. But I think I finally realized he’s sticking.

 

  • I’ve been sooooo busy at work all month. I blame my blog falling into last priority on my work. Besides not having time to write at work (yeah…. I do that) I have not wanted to look at a computer screen once leaving work! Also, and completely related I hate work WAAAAYYYY less than this past summer.

 

There’s my quick catch up. I’ll expand on all of these next!

merry christmas eve eve!

December 23, 2015

This season has taken a dramatic 180! Just going thru my post I see this roller coaster tho. What a girl! Talk about emotion whip lash!

I was so upset last week. Christmas plans were crumbling at the seems. I’ve never been so upset with a sibling…. well, that might not be true. Sibling hate burns more than any other burn I’ve experienced. But sibling love doesn’t have a whole lot of rivals either.

For the last few days I’ve been able to host my sister and her kids. It’s so much fun to get to spend time with them. Me and my sister can cut up and we are laughing and no older than 10. giggling at nothing and everything. Sometimes there aren’t even words and we break out in a laugh in unison.

This is what this time of year is all about. While I’m still pretty annoyed with my brother… I’m sure when we do our gift exchange Saturday it’ll be enjoyable. For all of 4 hours while I’m there anyway. I’m being a tad bit vindictive this year. Which normally is NOT like me at all. But I’m posting as many pics with my sister and niece and nephew and my mom so that when my brother and sister in law browse Facebook they get envious of all my family time. It’s pretty immature, but… so. :p <— just to clarify that’s a mean tongue stick out not a cute smiley tone stick out.

I had a gift exchange with my girlfriends on Monday night. Wow, they did a great job! I felt like I needed to go out and upgrade everything I got them! Next year… it’s on. I’m cranking it up a notch!

This evening’s plans consist of Star Wars at the theater with my family and A. Then friends and family watching Nightmare Before Christmas while we play some games at my place.

I wish I didn’t have to work this week, but I don’t mind staying up with friends and family and sleeping at work!

A will be here when I get off of work today and I cannot wait to hug his neck!

pity party

December 16, 2015

We had our Christmas luncheon today for work. They try to make it fun for us. They always have a skit or a talent show or something planned. Always a fun time. Usually I’m part of the entertainment. This year I wasn’t asked. And I didn’t think much about it. Was happy I wouldn’t have to practice for something and experience soooooo many nerves the day of.

So I head to the lunch. I car pool with a few of the guys on my team. Turns out that they did have a skit planned… and a few songs performed.

It was a Family Feud skit. How fun, right?! WRONG. BIG FAT WRONG. It would’ve been hilarious. Okay, I did enjoy most of it, but my ex-husband was in the skit. Ugh. Great. I can deal. We get along. Just hate his presence being thrown in my face all the damn time.

Like, when I get on facebook. I’ve taken great care to make sure he doesn’t pop up on my feed. On any social media for that matter. But when I get on facebook or snapchat and I see my little brother (who currently lives in my old house with my ex husband and ex dog) post pics of my old fire place with my dog it hits me really really hard. My little brother IS ON A DAMN CHRISTMAS CARD with my ex and his friends this year. So so so sensitive is my family towards me, right? I FUCKING HATE IT.

Anyway, the ex exits the stage. Raffle drawing. Christmas cake. Yada yada yada. “And two beautiful ladies have prepared a song to sing for us.”

This is the sort of situation that a flask was created for… Or you know that pill that people get embedded under the skin between their index finger and thumb with a poisonous pill that kills you instantly…?

Who gets up? My ex husband’s ex mistress. And singing about Mary and baby Jesus no less!

To round out the wonderful day I had I come home to a message from my family saying we aren’t doing our Christmas thing til the 26th… and that we can’t crash with them at all… I’ll have to get a hotel and I can’t bring my pup. Thanks for the full 10 days notice. Original plan? Wee were all bunking at my brothers on Christmas eve after a Christmas eve service together. We were going to play cards and drink eggnog.  I was taking my pup, and we were all going to wake up and open gifts and drink coffee. It’s tradition.

I’m pissed at my brother for changing plans. And I cry when I’m mad. So I’m going to bed with tear filled eyes, and puffy cheeks from wiping tears away. And inviting my pillow to join me. Rational or not, I’m indulging in this pity party. HMPH!

caffeine buzz

November 26, 2014

There’s a point in every morning where the caffeine hits. It’s a beautiful stars aligning moment. I love every one. and i want to show it. Pure happiness. I want to sing at the top of my lungs… but i work in cubicle land and that wouldn’t go over too well. Singing (and skipping) in the rain sounds like a great idea when it hits. but what i truly want to do… what i think would fulfill the buzz…. what would feel 100% satisfying is to give someone I’m in love with a hug. I don’t have a person I am in love with…. so I think i’d settle for a cartwheel in the hallway… and it being a day before the holiday… its pretty ghost towny around here… i could probably get away with it.

🙂

This year

October 30, 2014

Last year through the holidays I was dreading the fact that this year would look sooooo much different.

Flash back to last year Thanksgiving: Me and my husband had been in counseling for 2 months. To say we were on the rocks would be grossly under exaggerating the situation. We both were working towards working it all out, but our affection towards each other was basically non-existent. If there was “affection” it was forced and terribly uncomfortable. Completely stressful. Being around family was incredibly difficult. There was constant talk about planning babies with my parents or siblings that were in that stage of marriage. Killed me. Everything about it. No one knew we were having issues. We thought we’d work through it and no one would have to be the wiser.

Flash back to Christmas of last year: We had been separated for exactly 12 days. We still weren’t telling our families. We shared a bed at my brother’s house, then at his parents’ house. I don’t know how I held it together. We hadn’t decided on getting a divorce yet, but the thought of how next year would look was haunting me every second. Every. Single. Second. I got through the holidays only having to tell my mom and my sister because of logistics and having to have them stay with me and such. They’d quickly figure out that my husband wasn’t staying at home, so I had no choice.

Flash back to new years last year: We both attended the same party… but we didn’t show up together. He left before midnight to go to another party with… who knows.

Well, the divorce has been finalized for almost 4 months now… and we are rapidly approaching Thanksgiving. And while part of me wants to be a hermit this holiday season… hide from family… the other part of me is just happy to not be hiding anything.

Since then my brother and his wife have announced the arrival of their first child. So so so happy for them. I feel oddly connected to the child already. But I ache at the same time. This is where I should be too. And back at square one. Not even dating anyone.

I know there will be tears over being alone this season. I know someone will say something without thinking about it… It’s happened so many times already. I’m bracing myself. I am strong. I can do this. I know there will be tears, but I am happy with my decision. I am so good with it. I am a better person now than I was. I know me better. I love myself more. This was a positive change in my life. Wonder why the holidays does this to a person… I’m sure I’ll perfect my “happy place” and self preservation tactics. But otherwise, I’m just going to try and enjoy my siblings and get excited with my sister in law about the baby. And get to know my mom and dad’s new boyfriend/girlfriend…. That’ll be fun.

So much different this year! and I knew it would be! But lets hope i’m pleasantly surprised. Maybe i’ll just try to keep track of all the unbelievably insensitive remarks for funny anecdotes later. Might make its own blog post… who knows! strike comedic gold! 🙂 I’m a silver-lining-ist… remember!

Welp, that’s all I got for now.