Archive for June, 2017

my bc hunt

June 23, 2017

So… I’ve spent the last year on a hunt for the perfect birth control pill. I was tired of my crazy pms getting worse and worse and worse. It’s awful! It WAS awful.

My PMS was hitting in all sorts of ways. Some months it would be absolute irritation. I couldn’t even stand myself! Some months it was anger and bitterness. Some months it was deeeeeep dark depression. SO SO SO much sadness. Then other months is was anxiety. Oh my lord, everything made me so anxious.

I talked to my lady doc about this and she said we can try them all! I was so so grateful. I didn’t even know this was an option. I thought if I was on BC then I was going to have to just suffer.

After 4 different BCs in about 8 months I FOUND IT! I still get PMS but GUESS WHAT?! My only PMS symptom is missing everyone! And I mean EVERYONE. And in such a loving reminiscing way! It’s crazy. Lol. But I love it. I’ll trade anxiety for this any day!

Sigh… so I’m sitting here thinking about people. Not hating anyone or myself. Not annoyed. Just missing folks.

Happy Friday all!

P.S. It’s Lo Loestrin! Seriously, ask your doc about it. I’m not even getting paid for this. 🙂

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The build up

June 9, 2017

I get on my knees and lower my chin. His text said he’d be here at 5:03… Just like him to be so precise… And you know what? It’ll be exactly 5:03. It’ 5:01 now.

2 minutes seems like an eternity. This longing comes from deep inside of me. It builds and builds something I can’t quite put into words.

Today has been on the calendar for weeks. I hate that I only see him once a month. But it’s how it must be…. Because of Her. I hate that there’s a her. Truth be told, there’s a him too. But… anyway.

I feel the ground under my knees. It gets harder every second. But I like it. It’s for him. He deserves it. It deserves all my sacrifice. All the pain. All the passion.

I wish I could see my phone. Has it been a minute yet? 2?

My body jolts when I hear a car door close. His car door. My chest is filling up. It’s going to explode!

Panic sets in for a second… Am I ready? Am I perfect? hair, braided. Clothes, off. Toys, cleaned. Room, ready for play time. Candles, lit. Yes, it’s perfect.

The door knob rattled matching her own nerves. I force myself to keep my chin and eyes down. Hands in lap. Chest bear save for the necklace he bought me last year on our 3 year anniversary.

The door opens. Slowly. Always slowly. He knows whats happening inside of me and he loves to exploit that. Jerk. Ugh… but I love it. I can’t wait to feel his hand on my chin. Permission to me to look into those beautiful endless eyes.

He takes his time, as usual. He slowly undresses. And stands over me. I don’t know how long this goes on. My body aches so badly for his touch. But I’d just give anything to just look up at him! But I dare not sneak a peak before permission is granted. It’s ok. It makes it better. And he knows it. Oh how he loves what he does to me. Can you imagine having power over someone without even touching them? It’s haunting.

“Baby girl.” He whispers… The huskiness in his voice makes it almost inaudible at that decibel… but I know exactly what he said. I hear it in my sleep sometimes. I wake up in tears when I realize he’s not holding me. But he’s here now.

Finally! I tremble as his hand guides my gaze up to his. It never ceases to amaze me how powerful this moment is after all these years. I couldn’t live knowing this moment would never happen again. This. Like gravity… a law of physics in my life. Always, with no exception pulling me in.

As I match his gaze he gets bigger and bigger. Maybe I do hold some power after all. He taps the side of my face with his growing cock. I follow the cue and devour it. I’m instantly wet. And he instantly snaps to full size. My insides want so much. The desire within me is growing in volume that it consumes my ears… Of course in reality all that is escaping from me are the quiet moans as I take him deep into my mouth. I grab both sides of his hips with my two hands. It came out a little more forceful than I expected it to. I steal a glance at his face to see if he noticed. He most definitely did! He leans down. With one even motion he cups my elbows and lifts me off my knees and throws me onto the bed.

I let out a giggle as a wicked grin appears on his face.