dad

I just had a conversation with my dad. And It’s past 9pm… so I know to expect the reasonable slur to his voice and the (when sober) uncharacteristic emotion in his voice.

For the longest time in life his mantra was education first. Get a good job. Work hard. Make money. Money money money. He’s a lawyer. And while he isn’t the lawyer that became a judge or became some partner in a big city place, he still does well for himself in small town Arkansas.

Since him and my mom got a divorce a few years ago his mantra changed. And I don’t know if it was the divorce, or him becoming a grandfather, or what, but now its simply do what makes you happy.

What?

Dad? Is that you? As I was finally accepting that my dad must now be finally happy in life and how long has he been miserable and oh my god maybe I need to find more happiness, I find out that he isn’t happy at all right now.

I thought he was living it up. He’s kind of the dirty old man that likes to party and pick up ladies and hell, I guess if you got it you got it even at 65….

He is stuck. And he doesn’t know what to do about it. Funny. Earlier today I sent a message to my sister about how much less stressed we would be if we did what we wanted and what was best for us and what we needed versus being railroaded and taken advantage of. How much better off would we be if we back boned up and spoke up for ourselves. We couldn’t have possibly gotten that trait from our father? No freaking way….

My mom. She was always the one that tip toed all situations. She was the passive aggressive champion of the household. Right?

All this talk about being happy. I guess its coming from a place of wishful thinking more than what he is actually living. I feel bad for him. I was sad to hear it. My heart did something funny… kind of like sympathy… when he said it. I didn’t realize I had that left in me for him since my parents’ divorce.

Advertisements

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: