firsts w/ trey part I

I decided to date trey exclusively. Also, I hadn’t exactly started the celibacy thing. and both those sentences are fully dependent upon each other….

I don’t know why but I’ve been extremely stingy with my words with trey. I don’t know why I’m so afraid to admit my feelings for him. And I think it’s mainly because I haven’t figured them out exactly yet.

It all started out in a way that I could’ve taken or left. He made an impression, but I had other things going on.

When all the other things dropped off he surfaced.

I could count on him. He may have filled in some sort of rebound gap, but there was definitely more. Definitely more, yet, I was still (still am) so so so so sad and lost over mitch.

And when I decided to date trey exclusively… i didn’t exactly tell him. I just kind of did. It kind of happened quickly… In my mind at least. Not sure how it felt to him. I found it difficult to tell him the depth i was being sucked in because I didn’t want him getting in any deeper. I didn’t want it to go too fast. I didn’t want him to rely on me and my feelings because I just felt so lost still.

He didn’t take my celibacy thoughts well. He hated it. And yeah, he’s a guy. I get it. Sex. Big deal. But he didn’t take it well at all. He thought it was a tactic to get rid of him. Or at least that was the excuse he used to blow up about it. I didn’t like thinking about the fact that I took sex off the table and he got mad. So I kind of pushed my start date. I kept thinking i’ll see how this goes – decide later.

We had our official first date this past weekend. I opened up a little bit about my celibacy thoughts. Kind of being tired of being used by people who don’t even realize thats what they are doing. I kind of viewed it at almost a test for trey. If he stuck around then he passed my test. If he still hung out with me with the same enthusiasm then he passes. I hate when I’m tested, but this felt worth it…. All I know is that the first few months with last past few guys were amazing. Then completely fell off the grid. Awful. Future bubbles busted so hard. It makes my world stop every time. And after mitch i just can’t handle that this soon.

So our first date. A ton of fun. An exhibit at a local museum. Then we went beer crawling. One of my favorite things. And at the local breweries. I ABSOLUTELY love doing that sort of thing with great company. GREAT DAY.

So we came back to our apartment complex (remember he lives here too) and we both took our dogs out and met back at my place. We locked the pup out of my bedroom and continued the night. Fun times as always. This was the first time he was staying over. A night full of firsts for us.

Maybe this was actually going somewhere…

 

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2 Responses to “firsts w/ trey part I”

  1. singlemilitarymom Says:

    Hmm sounds fun 😀

  2. firsts with trey part 2 | Lot of ramblings from little ole me Says:

    […] After the date we spent the night together. It was our first night spent together. Normally we do our thing and we part ways for the night. Not this night. He had been asking this for this for weeks. Sweet, huh? […]

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