take 2

Last week was terrible. To say I cried a lot would be an understatement. I felt so pathetic.

While I did manage to get out and hang with friends, I still spent my nights unable to sleep and crying at 4 am in the fetal position. I’d be so wide awake by 5 that I just got up and went to the gym a few times. But trust me, I ate my feelings enough to make up for that caloric expenditure.

Sometime thru the week mitch got a job offer out of state. I think this forced a little bit of perspective on the situation. On friday evening he asked if we could discuss a few things.

With such an emotional week I didn’t know how productive a conversation about anything would be. Bottom line is I love him. I want him forever. He has issues. I have issues. But I don’t give a shit. I choose him regardless. If he could do the same with me, I don’t see why we wouldn’t be able to work this out.

He agreed.

We got back together. And I’m so so happy about it. But my relief was short lived because of this job offer.

I went from being devastated from losing him to being really sad that he was leaving me. He asked if he thought we could handle long distance.

I have no doubt I need to try! My faith in us is completely shaken, but no way I could live with not trying this.

I think it’ll be hell. His jealousy is going to cause so much pain. It’s going to be annoying as shit. I’m going to piss him off every other day because of some miscommunication or just him being paranoid or us just not agreeing on what boundaries should look like. But I am at the stage in which my mind is not going to win this. My heart has made it’s mind up! (ha. see what I did there?)

I’m in this. I’m in this with everything I have. If there is anything I’ve learned from dating and dating and dating its knowing that this right here feels a helluva lot different than the others that have come and gone. Even if different ends up not being “it” I can’t chance not treating it as such.

So here we are. I need to get it together enough to enjoy what time I have with him while he is here. Hopefully I have at least a few more weeks… But its going entirely too fast for me.

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