being his

Earlier this week I mentioned what a complete bitch I’ve been at work. I’ve let the guys make me angry. And I really let a lot of things bother me that don’t normally get to me.

Thinking about my ex and being pulled down the rejection memory lane. Being upset because I missed a few workouts that were out of my control… I mean super duper upset… just nothing rational about it. And on top of that mitch had been out of town all week interviewing for a job out of state. And that in itself carries with it a variety of emotions. I missed him terribly. I was nervous for him for the interview. I was scared he might actually get the job. I felt like a one woman cheering section for him to help ease his nerves. It was kind of a lot of work. Especially the missing him part. He originally planned on being back on Wednesday, so when he didn’t get in till 8:30 pm on Thursday it already had me a little off.

Meanwhile, mitch felt he tanked his interview. He was so down, and there is only so much you can say to a man that doesn’t feel good enough. It was heartbreaking to hear him talk about. He got to visit friends and family while he was out of town so that was good. But, also, he found out that his really good friend (who is was staying with for the week) is cheating on his wife and got dragged into the plot as an alibi. I could tell he was completely torn about loyalty to his friend and his own morals on the subject of fidelity. Then right before he got to my place he apparently had a phone call with his dad about the interview. The conversation only solidified his feelings of not being good enough. How do people not understand that the most important part about bouncing back from something like that is to encourage and build up. I just don’t see how a parent can be so harsh when their child is already so down. Why on earth would he have added insult to injury??

Before he walked into my apartment I had no idea about the phone call with his dad, but I did notice he was down. I chalked it up to maybe being tired after such a long day and a lot of driving. I even said what’s up with these half-assed kisses. Didn’t you miss me?? I could tell that hit him exactly like I needed it to to pull our connection back after being apart. I always need that. I need some intense affection to undo missing him. If he walked in and barely touched me and we went right to bed, I’d miss him even more while laying next to him. That’s how it went with andy… every weekend. It left me feeling so unfulfilled.

Anyway, as I said, he got my message. We cuddled and made out… for about 5 minutes before heading to the bedroom. THANK GOD! I hate missing someone that long and I needed me some intimacy to set me straight. Is anyone else like this? I don’t think anything short of sex would’ve done it.

But even earlier that day, I could tell I needed something even more than normal.

Before we hit the bedroom I already knew something was different. There was a different kind of need we both had.

Something I haven’t mentioned before about mitch. He is more than just into rough sex. He’s got some kink to him. Of course, we all know that delights the hell out of me. My submissive/masochist side is and forever will be there. He hasn’t had a whole lot of opportunity before me to put much of his sadist side to practice tho. Mostly (I think) he has just experimented with some bondage play. I could be wrong. But that is my understanding.

He took me as his so fully. I haven’t felt this with him before. Not on this level. It was amazing. He got heavier handed than normal and he was even more demanding and needy. He took everything he needed from me. It was so fulfilling. I knew that I’d be thinking about it all day today with each blow. One hit in particular… It was that one hit… it centered me all by itself. Every part of my body and brain reacted to it. What a release! And the rest of “the session” was just icing on the cake. I got to bathe in my subbie side and masochist side and it felt so so so good. It’s been tooooo long. Mitch hasn’t taken me to my limit yet, not even close. We are in the beginning of us. We’re still laying ground work and trying to find the edges. Last night he got a hint of how much more I could possibly handle.

Afterwards we talked about it a little. I like to do this as soon as it feels right… gauge his head space about it. He tells me about his dad’s phone call almost immediately. It made so much sense. I asked if he got out his aggression like he needed. He looked up at me as if a light bulb went off in his mind. Like, “oh, that IS what I was doing.” He so sincerely said, “Yes, yes, I did.” Sir T taught me this too. It’s more than just what you enjoy in bed… it’s an outlet to life’s stress. I loved this look he gave me. And I didn’t have to say anything else about it. I just said, “I needed it too.” And I just curled up on him being his.

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