jealousy tango

I finally did it. I deactivated my Fetlife account. I also blocked about a bagillion men on my phone, facebook, instagram, and snapchat. I deleted my kik app. Basically anything that might accidentally have someone drunk texting/messaging/snapping me.

Mitch is suuuuuuper jealous. And… I’m kind of nervous about that! I haven’t exactly set up a shady free life over here. I mean, I’m well on my way there now! And that’s of my OWN FREE WILL! I’m terrified that anyone of these mother fucker’s from my past will send a dick pic just because they are lonely or some bullshit. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. Why the HELL do I entertain these munchkins (munchkins? going with it) in the first place?! I really don’t know. And it’s not like it feels weird at the time… It just progresses in a way that… gets weird. I’m not particularly proud or happy and DEFINITELY not fond of it.

Any way, if it isn’t a dick pic, it’s an “I miss you” text… or a “been thinking about you” or “you still dating that guy?”… and on and on and on.

I can’t have any of these unwarranted and uninvited messages being taken as me being an interested party. NOT EVEN IN THE SLIGHTEST! Mitch will take one look and be hurt and running! I can’t risk that.

I have men’s body wash in my bathroom. Mitch asked me about that. “Is it Andy’s?” Before I could think about it, I said, “No, it’s Sir T (of course i used his real name…)”… and he was asking me in the dark, but I swear I heard his eyes roll and body stiffen. It’s some damn body wash I was just too lazy to throw away… and really I wouldn’t throw it away. Really it’s not about laziness, I kept it around for Andy (is this messed up?). And I will probably use it as soon as my other stuff runs out. Because I’m super frugal like that.  It’s not something I think about.

I have a past. And I can be sad and ashamed and sorry and guilty or whatever for it… but you know what? I’m not that sad and ashamed and sorry or guilty over much of it at all. Would I nullify some of it if I had the chance? You fucking better believe it. But most of it has shaped who I am today and how I know what I’m worth. It took a lot of screwed up moments to understand all that. A LOT! And for the most part, all I feel is grateful for what my experiences has shaped me to be today. I love me. I’m awesome.

Mic drop; out.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Responses to “jealousy tango”

  1. A. Afua Says:

    Lol this sounds like something I would totally do- I’ve a lot of said ‘munchkins’ creeping up on me too! I enjoyed reading this! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: