distance, money, priorities

Valentine’s Day… I hope I’m eating my words tomorrow after I write this slight rant.

My bf doesn’t exactly have the extra funds to celebrate Valentine’s Day in the traditional sense. We won’t be going out. I won’t get presents, chocolates, or a card.

I’d never fault someone for doing the responsible thing with their money and not spending it in areas where it’s not reasonable. I’m a frugal (okay, fine! cheap) person and I can justify not spending money on it…

But…

I feel like…

I’m going to be very down about it tomorrow. Why would I indulge in a pity party over this? Why can’t I just get over it and be grateful for some quality time… First quality time, btw and worth noting, we’ve had in a full month. Not just quality time, but this is the first time I’ve seen him in a month. The lack of funds has seriously stunted him traveling in my direction with his gas guzzler.

But it feels like more than money. And it feels more than valentine’s day neglect.

Something is missing right now. And I can’t quite put my finger on it. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I feel less complete than I did a few months back. Remember all the right words that could fix anything? Remember all the touching? Remember? Yeah, I barely can, too. I know a month is a long time. And I’m hoping that it’s just all that space we created that is making it feel this way. Maybe we just need more consistency to feel it again… Could a month be detrimental? Irreversible?

I need to feel wanted. Needed. I want to feel like a priority. I guess that’s it. I don’t feel like a priority. And I hate that because it felt soooooo good to finally connect with someone on this mutual level again.

But with all this being said… it could sincerely just be the lack of funds that is keeping us apart and keeping valentine’s day non-existent. In my experience tho, If a man wants something a man gets it or dies trying.

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