dear m

I got a drunk text from M a few weeks back. “Whenever you want to date again just let me know. Drunk text.”

Funny what a little perspective shift will do to a woman. The heart broken me in the middle of July would take this and run with it. I would’ve been dating him again in a heart beat. And him sober would be like WTF and a month later he would’ve broken up with me again. Stupid cycle.

The happy me sees straight through it. He’s qualifying what he is saying even while drunk! He is already giving himself an out for 12 hours later when I say “hey lets hang out.” I see it plain as day!

Us women… can’t give us advice for anything. My mom and sister and friends told me the whole time I fought with this guy… I deserve better. Perspective. It’s a funny thing.

So after this drunk text I waited for a time I knew he’d be sober and I told him I was dating someone new. A few days later he told me he wasn’t man enough to be friends with me. While that is extremely unsettling for me because I can’t stand to make enemies or have people mad at me or be in any kind of discord with another human, I am okay with his declaration. He told me he will block me and ignore me where blocking isn’t an option. I get it.

Dear M,

You dictated every step of our relationship. When we (finally) made it official (and very reluctantly). You dictated when it ended. Then when it ended again. Everything was driven by what you allowed. So why, then, can you not handle me with someone else? If you wanted me, you would’ve kept me. I know I’m as awesome as you think I am. I know I’m someone you valued and held dear and even loved. But I’m not THE ONE. And thats okay. But I never want to be something you settled on because I’m a great influence on your life. The light in the dark, if you don’t mind me being dramatic. I thank you for letting me be apart of it for awhile. I loved you feircly and I would’ve put up with all your moody bullshit. And gladly. But you don’t want me. Don’t forget that in your drunken stupers.

Bye M.

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