finisher

When I sign up for half marathons, 5ks, obstacle courses, and triathlons, I don’t expect to place. I don’t dream of winning first, second, or third place. I don’t even plan on being in the top 50% of all contestants much less my age bracket. It’s actually not my goal at all. My goal is that finish line. No matter how terrible I will run, bike, swim, climb, or crawl I still finish that race.

In church this morning I got to thinking. We were reading from Acts 20:24:

24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

I put these two thoughts together… 1) how I think about the literal races I run and 2) how I do this journey on earth with god in mind.

I’ve been beating myself up. I’ve been looking at this a tad bit wrong. I will never be good enough for God, I will never run like I’m even trying for first place… But where I place is not the point. How hard I run, what kind of effort I make, I am NEVER going to be good enough. This is the design. God knew we aren’t enough. We have little bits and pieces that God can put together for his good. But God is the operative word in that sentence. It couldn’t be done by my effort at all without him.

I guess what I mean is, I’m not doing so bad. I mean, I’m on par, as long as I contribute my wins in this life to Him. He just wants us to acknowledge our shortcomings and give our not-enough talents, skills, and lives to him. It’s only then we will finish the race; it’s only then the finish line is ours to cross.

Just some sunday morning ramblings. I’m very happy to have gotten back in church. Even tho I live two lives that seem to contradict completely… At least I’m back. God hasn’t given up. I’m still just as not enough as I was before, I’m just putting more hope in Him in even while doing the shady shit I partake in. I’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. And I’m not saying there isn’t a great amount of spiritual warfare going on in my life. I’m just trying to see where this life is taking me. I enjoy being open minded, but I also believe Jesus is king… sigh. Just chuggin along waiting to see if there are answers. I’m not convinced there are answers… But I’m also one to be humble enough to be okay with never knowing, with knowing its impossible for me to know.

I think that’s all I got.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

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