simplifying

I felt the chaos rising. In the past year this has been a cycle I go through. And when I get to the point of out-of-control I know an action must be taken. Yesterday I cut off communication with 3 men I have no intention of being with. Why did I keep them around? Probably the attention. And my indecisive nature of holding on to what-ifs. But, yesterday I was empowered and made the calls I needed to make to cut them off…

I was sick of getting those “So, I’m picking you up at 7?” “What are you cooking us tonight?” When we never had plans in the first place. Like, I was simple minded enough to be confused into a date. Is that what these guys think I am? They aren’t looking for an equal in a relationship. They just want a woman around for their whims. Any one will do.

This has been the tactic of two of the guys I let go of. SERIOUSLY? That is a pet peeve, bulldozing my preference… even if it is just you trying to be “cute”. It’s not. Move along.

In my defense I have been honest with all of them about me getting over M and not being to give anything other than friendship. But they don’t want that from me. They say they don’t mind it, but if I am constantly having to say no to dates, surprises, and over the top compliments… I see what you are doing here… and it’s NOT working. Move along, please. See the mood I finally hit? Took me a few weeks too long to get here. But the important part is I’m here.

Also, I made a grocery trip last night. Fruits and veggies on the ready to have a healthy weekend. Also, because of the guys I let go of, I actually had a free night… So I was ACTUALLY available when my running buddy, Chris, asked if I’d meet him at the park. The weather was perfect yesterday, and it would’ve truly been a shame to have to turn him down because a guy I am not even attracted to took me to get a burger at an overrated restaurant with ridiculously high alcohol prices and the fries are extra.

Chris, my running buddy. It’s turned into a joke really. Chris, he’s my running buddy that I never run with. It’s been months since I ran with. I’ve gotten in the habit of running after work at 4:30 on the treadmill while he waits til 8 or 9 and goes to the park…. We keep each other in check thru text, but it was nice to ACTUALLY be available. Usually I am turning him down because of some other guy or reckless plans I’ve made.

I made The Cut yesterday and reaped the benefits already. Felt good. I think I needed that kind of glaringly obvious connection of less chaos, and just simply being available for the positive and healthy things in life.

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