just friends

So… a few months back I brought an ultimatum to the table with him (the guy that just broke up with me). I told him that I didn’t want to do what we were doing without commitment. That I 100% done with him unless he offered commitment. He was being wishy washy with what we were. I was getting too deep into the feels to make this work and feel good about it. It was beginning to hurt. Self preservation kicked in.

To my surprise he said yes. “Let’s try it.” After a month of bliss (in my opinion – it was apparently the wrong opinion) he broke it off.

I know. A relationship shouldn’t be the result of an ultimatum… and I can’t believe I did that. I mean, I was hurt. I needed to be very clear with him. Anyway… in retrospect it was the wrong move.

He wants to be friends. He doesn’t want to lose my friendship… which I find out now is why he even gave it a shot in the first place. I should be flattered? He’d rather be forced to being a couple than lose me? bleh. Wrong on so many levels. When did I become such a crazy girl?

That’s probably a sign in itself that it wasn’t a good match. But of course, I’m still hurting from it all. Feels deep. Most moments are fine… then I can’t open the pickle jar and I lose it. <— girl moment.

He invited me over on Saturday to hang out with him and his roommate. I went. Try this friend thing. Felt only right. I made him try to be my boyfriend, the least I can do is try being his friend. Found out it’s way too soon for that. It didn’t last long before I claimed exhaustion and went home. Not yet. Later… like, a few months from now.

I stayed active this weekend. Sweat therapy is my favorite. Sun, hot sun, soooo muggy, and a view of the river… The Arkansas River Trail in Little Rock really is something. It’s beautiful to bike or to run. Too hot for me to feel good running in, but perfect for biking. I feel lucky to live right on it!

Here’s to hoping this Monday goes quickly!

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2 Responses to “just friends”

  1. dear m | Lot of ramblings from little ole me Says:

    […] I got a drunk text from M a few weeks back. “Whenever you want to date again just let me know. Drunk text.” […]

  2. out of nowhere | Lot of ramblings from little ole me Says:

    […] made m smile […]

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