To run or to Pie?

I did a whole month of not binging! I CANNOT believe I could do it. I am so proud of me. I lost 6 pounds and feel great!

correction: felt great. Then the whole dumping thing happened and my motivation slipped. I’m feeling a binge sesh coming on. I mean, its inevitable at this point. I was going so strong and motivated. It was almost easy. Now I’m in the downward shame cycle like i’ve already done the binging. I feel as badly as if i already ate the ENTIRE keylime pie that I have in my head to eat. 😦 This is bad. It can’t come back in full swing. It can’t.

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I need to keep doing well. can you imagine 6 more pounds in the next month? I would start to look really really good! not that you all know what I look like. I just would, k? Trust me. But today, I feel like a bigfatcow and I just wanna drown my brokeness in some keylime pie.

But if looking good was a good enough motivator I would’ve already punched this binge eating disorder in the face or possibly never have had it.

So. Step 1) recognize your “hunger” as emotional. Okay, this is soooo emotional. I just ate lunch. I am not in need of any kind of food. I could go days without being in NEED. What do they say? It takes 60 days to literally starve to death? A pretty good test if your checking what kind of hunger you are experiencing is this simple test. Would you eat a 4oz salmon filet and a side of sauteed veggies? Your favorite salad? (ha. favorite salad. as if.) Or does this hunger demand a cupcake? Pizza? Extra cheese please!

step 2) recognize the trigger. The break up. I don’t want it over. He did. For whatever noble a reason he claims. Still, it’s over and I didn’t want it to be over. Did I know it would end? Yeah, I think I recognized I was holding on by a thread. A relationship shouldn’t start in that manner… who was I truly kidding here?

step 3) counter the trigger. Deal with the emotion in healthy way. Or do something to keep my mind off of it. Okay, so I know that the more healthy way to deal is with a good workout. I NEED A GOOD SWEAT SESH. I know that this could curb my apetite and also make me feel less sad. Send out some endorphin flow. SO WHY NOT?! Because sadness makes me sooooo tired. I am tired. I want to crawl in bed and stay there…. with my pie. Me and my pie forever. Take a nap, take a slice, take a nap, take a slice. With a magazine. ooooh or with HIMYM! yes! wait. SNAP OUT OF IT!

I’m recognizing all my self destruct buttons being set off. I see it all downward spiraling. I feel like recognizing it isn’t doing me any good. Knowing the trigger isn’t doing anything either… what step am I missing? Maybe I’ll never conquer this if I don’t ever find that missing step.

Melissa, If you are reading this… please call me and give me a slap over the phone for even thinking about this!! (Melissa is my sister and only 1 of only 2 people that can connect my name to this blog.)

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