Day 1

My binge eating has been out of this world out of control. And my urge to compensate via exercise is way less than it use to… this means weight gain. and fast. Good news is I know that if I can turn it around I can turn it around quickly. If i spend just 10 days watching what I eat and drink then i’m right back to where i started and even better.

10 days….

of not binging…

That is impossible. I can barely get 1 full day lately…

Why? where is this stemming from? What is so chaotic in my life that I can’t handle it?

Family, ex, risidual guy interest that seems to worm its way in in my vulnerable moments. Then hating myself for that. Fighting that fact that I AM better. Or maybe just want to be better.

A desire should lead to things. A desire to eat less. To force a man to respect me. A desire for my family to leave my ex on the other side of the past. I don’t know. Seems like if I want, then i can do, or force a change. But that’s not true, is it?

I just need 10 days… to feel me again. to feel better about me. to spend loving on myself with good quality food and good quality exercise.

I started the beach body insanity yesterday. It was good. Hard. Room for 60 days worth of improvement. I have high hopes for that. But at the same time, if i can’t go one day without defeating my emotions and its urges? I’m my own sabotage.

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