my mom’s love line

My mom’s story….

She’s always been a God-fearing woman. More than most. She witnessed miracles… been a vessel to them… She has miraculous stories about being moved to lay her hands on a person in a crowd and cure them of an ailment. AMAZING stories. Unbelievable stories.

But time marched on. She grew up. She got married. She married my father at age 20. Being a girl raised on a farm in north west Arkansas, she was pretty naive to the world. Not just to in the sexual sense, but in every sense. This woman didn’t know that conditioner existed till I was 4 and a neighbor finally introduced her. AND THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT! I spent every morning with her trying to comb out my long, ratty, hair. Those were not fun moments. Not sure why my sister didn’t have these issues…. story of my life. But I digress.

When I was about 4 she gave birth to my baby brother. He was the baby of 5… This adjustment took my family a long time… and it wasn’t til I was older that I realized why. My brother is of Hawaiian decent… And my father was not.This was my mom’s one and only black spot on her life. She fell in love… and if you would’ve asked her before about 6 months ago, that man was the love of her life. Her one GRAND love affair. And she took solace in the fact that it was the greatest love affair of the history of the planet. That the love shared transcended the rest of her life. And just by having it for a time she could be sustained forever on it.

Time continued to march on. My mom focused on raising us kids. She was a full-time stay at home mother. My dad worked through the day and pretty much checked out of reality once he got home. He read. a lot. then we got a computer and the internet. and instead of reading he moved on to chat rooms. He was sucked into cyber world from the time I was 9 til I was 24… Then other things took his attention…

Looking back, I think I knew. I knew that cyber sex was a real demon in our household and to my parents’ marriage. I can’t honestly say how much of that was taken outside of the world wide web, but I wouldn’t be very surprised. 30 years later, when facts started coming out… when my dad’s sneakiness fell off the grid… he had been habitually cheating on my mother since day 1 of their marriage.

I used to think about how amazing he was to forgive my mother and adopt my brother…. now I realize he did it because (to him) it wasn’t that great of a sin… And why would he banish the mother of his 4 other children because of things he does all the time… and for less reasons than love.

So he started seeing someone in town. It became too obvious for my mother to sweep under the rug. She was finally feeling the effects of her marriage and lack thereof. She approached him. This is not my mothers normal mode of operation. My mom – queen of passive/aggressive. Queen of “everything is great”. Queen of normal and not rocking the boat. He apologized for what the situation “looked” like. That she was wrong. And that he was sorry that she felt that way and he would do better at making her feel better about it. “Nothing is going on between us.” Even tho she knew this wasn’t true, she gave him the opportunity to shut it down. She was gracious because she had been shown grace in the past by this man. He continued his affair. He wasn’t doing a great job of covering it up. She approached him 2 more times in 3 months time. Then, she left him.

He went a little crazy. Alcohol. Drugs. Girls. Trouble with the Law… which is quite a feat in small town Arkansas when you are the town’s one and only lawyer.

She settled in a new town and settled in for a 2 year divorce battle. He didn’t cooperate. He didn’t do anything he didn’t legally have to do. It was hard. Hard to watch, hard to help, hard to know that my father was capable of disregarding my mother so boldly…

So my mother… after 54 years of being taken care of by the men in her life (first her dad, then her husband) set out to take care of herself. Clueless, but determined. She started taking classes, found a job, found a church. She doesn’t know how not to be involved in a congregation in big ways. She threw herself into her hobbies and she became a whole person for the first time in her life.

She met someone. And not just any someone. A man who saw what she was. Who took great care to make sure that she knew how much care he wanted to take with her. From the first moment this guy was on the scene… he was in the scene. 6 very short months later they signed a lease together. And last Sunday HE PROPOSED!!! She is happy. She is in love. She has someone. No one is more deserving than this woman.

2 Responses to “my mom’s love line”

  1. thiscagedbird Says:

    I needed to read this story. I wish my mom had a grand affair…. But oh well. Thanks for sharing this.

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