Archive for March, 2015

a tinder’s end

March 13, 2015

After 3 weeks of being on Tinder I couldn’t take it any more. I told myself that I was going to stay in Tinder but stop swiping. “Just weed out the ones you have, chick. You got too many.” But I was beyond hope. I was addicted. The One could be the next one. Oh! He’s cute! But look at him!!!! Each swipe brought a new hope. Of course then you get that message “Can I get your number?” Crap. reality hits. and you realize this is the 5th person just today that you have given your number to. yikes. And in your phone it looks like this “ryan tinder” “ryan cutoff tuxedo shirt tinder” “kyle tinder” and so on.So not only do you have 10 people texting you (or more) but you have new matches popping up by the second. At some point you just have to know when is when and claim your life back. So. I never logged back on again. I’m still out there somewhere. But I haven’t even down loaded it on my new phone. It’s not that I was done dating. No. I mean… Yes, first date over load. but… I still had phone numbers. So I worked off what I call “Tinder Residuals”. So as I went on first dates and crossed guys off the list I was happy to do it a little bit more focused.

I was down to my last few tinder residuals. And just trying to shake a few. But there was one in particular I felt I was connecting with. Great conversation. Extremely interesting. Ambitious. Flirty, but not too flirty. Kept me enthralled. I liked. I had to meet him. So I did. I told myself that no matter how this went I was done with the first-date thing for a bit. If for no other reason but because it was killing my diet.

We met at my go-to first date location. An Irish pub about a mile and a half from my apartment. Something about this place made me less nervous about every meet up. We sat at a different table. I tried to pick a different table every time I went in hopes that the staff wouldn’t recognize me quite as easily… I started getting self conscious about meeting with yet another guy in so short of time. At some point you just have to not care. I probably should just go ahead and friend these people. Get them to rate them as they come in and out… hm…

Anyway, Ryan Tuxedo Cut-off Tinder – who had since graduated to Rayn <insert last name here>. Something about his voice threw me off the first time we spoke on the phone which happened to be minutes till our first meeting. Couldn’t quite decide what I didn’t like about it. But it wasn’t like the guy who I had to ditch because of the super twanginess he put on every single syllable. I decided I’d get use to that. WHAT?! Did I just say that? I made myself smile by talking myself off of that deal breaker. I get there and he’s sitting at the bar. It’s a Tuesday night so there was only about 3 other people there. He was at the bar. Leaner looking than all the selfies I’d seen from him. Guess no one taught him the camera angles that shaves the pounds off. Still. Handsome. Just my type. Tall. Broad shouldered. Naturally strong looking.

I put my phone in my purse and hung my purse on the chair. It was 7:03. We talked. Ordered a few beers. Talked. Ordered food. Talked. Stopped drinking beer. Talked. The conversation was good. Flowed easily. And there was something about this guy. Just under the surface. What was that? Sexiness. That’s it! Why was it hiding? I mean, that made it sexier. I take pride in finding the good in people… but I don’t know that I’ve ever found this in someone unless it was dripping from the surface. He held it in such away that said he was saving it for someone. Keeping it safe for something… for someone special? I made my second date decision right there. It was happening. The time came to wrap up the evening. We (he) paid the bill and we put on our coats. Walked out of the buidling. The building’s entrance is the corner… where a stop light is. I was headed one way and he was headed the opposite. We hugged and said our goodbyes as we waited for the light to turn… that awkward moment of “well, I’ll talk to you soon.” Always hated that. I usually just high tail it in an awkward way because its going to be awkward regardless. We hug again. I walk away reaching in my purse for my phone. 10:57. I hadn’t looked at my phone since putting it away. This made me smile again. I let the possible meanings of this swell in my mind and chest as I unlocked my car door.

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My 50 cents on 50 Shades

March 2, 2015

Okay, let me first get a few things out of the way.

The only experience I have with this trilogy is giving up on the first book (because I found it incredibly boring and NOT from my lack of sex drive) and watching the first movie twice.
Also, women want a man to take control. Okay. Sure. Yes. we wanna be picked up and thrown around. Maybe even experiment with a hand cuff or blind fold or two. We do NOT like it when our significant other (or lesser) asks us if we wanna have sex. Excuse me? What? No. Not in the mood. Ahaha of course we aren’t in the mood. we aren’t naturally ready to go like men are. We take a bit of time. A bit of an investment, if you will. Turn us on! Don’t ask us permission to penetrate us. That shit is lazy.¬†¬†(Of course there are exceptions to this. Some women do have a higher sex drive. And their are things that turn us on without actually being seduced in the traditional sense.) Guys, if you think asking permission for sex is the start of a good night, it’s time to relearn a few things! And if she does say yes she won’t enjoy it for at least the initial contact. That was an obligatory “yes”. But just because we know we want to be taken charge of and we want to be seduced with a little force doesn’t mean every woman is into the kinky stuff as much as they’d like to believe as this “50 Shades” fad takes over. BUT I guarantee that the first nipple clamp will have any desperate house wife begging for some vanilla sex and maybe a cop on the scene. Just saying.
Now, if you’ve stuck with me that long you’ve made it to the actual topic.
<stepping on soap box; commencing rant>
The biggest fear I have about this movie is that it’ll give the BDSM scene a bad rap! I just made myself laugh with that last statement.¬†Isn’t’ that all this scene is? A bad kinky rap? That most people are repulsed by. That most people have a¬†negative opinion about? And that is BEFORE you talk to those people about¬†disrespect¬†of woman and how this is abuse… blah blah blah. I thought I had lots to say on this subject. I have a very passionate¬†opinion¬†here. But as I brainstormed for¬†this blog I realized I only have one thing in particular I want to clear up about this whole movie. and about now what the main stream media is doing with BDSM image.
What BDSM¬†isn’t:
It isn’t about sacrifice. A d/s relationship doesn’t work if both parties aren’t IN LOVE with this whole scene. The Dom has to get off on being in control whether that involves inflicting pain or not. and the Sub has to get off on being controlled and making her Dom happy whether that involves some masochism or not! both parties are 100 percent satisfied by anything that goes on in a bondage scene. If this isn’t the case then someone is being abused. Period. If this isn’t mutually enjoyed then it shouldn’t be at all. This whole thing is for pleasure. For all parties. The entire time.
A sub wants to make her master happy. It’s a turn on to make her dom feel proud her by doing what he asks. He is in turn turned on by her obedience and it turns into this¬†delectable¬†cycle of “yes sir”/”good girl”. (or yes ma’am/good boy…)
It isn’t about total disregard for one’s preferences. Anna just wanted a normal boyfriend relationship with this guy. She even said almost immediately, “What if i don’t want any part of THAT?” She wanted him so badly that she was willing to give in to his demands at least in part. My fear would be with the limits that are set up ahead of time. If he doesn’t give her preferences weight in some areas in life, why would he think he needs to respect them in the “play room”? This part of the whole thing…. ugh! NOT COOL!
It isn’t about total disrespect for her space/opinions/property. There are people out there in the scene that take part in Total Power Exchange – this includes every aspect of their life. Again this is completely mutual. Every party involved gets equal pleasure out of it. But for Christian to just sell her car and buy a new one…? Seriously? She could possibly have an¬†opinion¬†on this. Did it even cross his mind to even ask for maybe a color preference of the car?! Big fat NOPE! And getting her a lap top? and clothes? She might have an¬†opinion!!!!!!!!!!! And in fact, in each of these instances Anna voices her displeasure in all of it. This is not what The Scene is about. If both parties aren’t completely trusting and there isn’t a shit ton of respect there… I can¬†guarantee¬†its not fun for anyone.
And one more thing, I hear the nay-sayers talk about how even the music from this movie is getting too much attention and taking the charts just¬†because¬†the 50 Shades craze. Well, I have one thing to say to those people. Ellie Goulding fucking¬†rocks. The music crew for the movie just did a great job. Plain and simple. It didn’t need the movie to be awesome music. Had to be said.
Sigh… I suppose that is all. Had to defend the subject. Stepping off my soap box now. Have a good one!