First dates and butterflies (or lack thereof)

I’ve been on a lot of first dates lately (thank you, Tinder). And there have been some good moments. Neh, great moments! But over all they all lack something. I want to be infatuated. I want to be lost in one thought. I want to be sucked in. I want my heart, chest, and tummy to leap out of my body!

Two reasons I joined tinder. A crazy ass guy I was getting close to showed his full on crazy! TWICE! And this is within the first 2 months of knowing the guy. The level of crazy he showed was definitely a year three kind of crazy.

Second reason: My crush (hopefully more on this subject to come) was dating. and not dating me. He knew I was into him, but he made his no-dating-co-worker policy more than known… so I backed off.

So….. Tinder. I went on 10 first dates and several second and third dates, hell! and a 7th date all in 1 month! These guys only proved entertainment for the moment. None were crazy (or at least hid their crazy appropriately for the first date).

The guys I saw again or deemed worthy to see again were nothing heart stopping. And I want that. I want that so badly. But then I have this voice in the back of my mind saying that’s a feeling only reserved for the 17 year old females falling in love for the first time. 😦 I had that already… maybe I’m not in line for that one anymore.

Tinder is not the way to figure this out. At least not for me. Its just confusing. I went from decent first date to mediocre, nothing-bad-enough-to-say-no-to-a-third-date second date to what-am-i-even-doing-here third date. And a string of non-feelings. Now I’m stuck with a guy (or guys!) that I don’t know how to be mean enough to let go of. Or at least, they didn’t take no the first time. You know, when I did it nicely. Pride sparingly. Just a ton of stress for me. I’m a wuss.

I want the butterflies. And I think I’m going to have to keep searching for that. But another way. Tinder is a great distraction and even better for entertainment. But I definitely would’ve done it differently. Keep people a little farther than i did. lots more thoughts here…. LOTS. and I’ll probably get to it soon.

That’s all for now.

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