The Tinder Bandwagon

I did it. I took the tinder plunge… or should I say, I’m taking it. It’s an odd and fast paced world. It’s overwhelming with too much happening at once to truly process. And I am not the best processor anyway! Before I continue with my observations about this crazy world of swiping I want to preface by referencing an article my friend shared with me recently. Fuck Yes.

The article is summarized by this:

“The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.”

Okay… now lets proceed with my Tinder experience thus far in no particular order.

Ryan: The first “tinder meet up” I went on. I met him in a dive bar about 8pm one friday night… I had been on Tinder for 36 hours. Like I said, Tinder is a fast paced world. If you let it… which was my first mistake. I let it sweep me up and consume my every living moment. No work was done for about a week. But I digress. Ryan…. He was soooooo much cuter than his terribly ambiguous and unfocused pictures. This was a pleasant surprise. Then he smiled. Wide, big, without his usual hand over his mouth. The tops of several of his front teeth were black. BLACK! I hadn’t been close enough to notice the gingivitis/halitosis yet. He said over and over again how good looking I was. And how funny I was. And how much he was liking me…. and here’s the freak out moment: How we were both so lucky to find each other after only being on Tinder for less than a week! Wait, what? Like, lucky to find who? like for good? forever? I wasn’t sure how to respond to this. This man was already IN LOVE! I needed a brown paper bag to breathe into! But my passive aggressive self kept that million dollar smile plastered (that I now knew i had because that’s what gets the swipe rights!). To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed this man’s company… but who wouldn’t love being so fawned over!? I’m only human. He asked to go back to his place… sigh… It wasn’t a Fuck yes for me… but it was for him….

A side note: I’ve been part of “relationships” where one party was obviously more interested than the other… this never works. EVER. I know that I want to find someone that I can fall mutually for… same rate… same comfortable speed. I don’t believe there is a too fast or too slow when it comes to love but I DO BELIEVE BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME TRAIN!

So unfortunately for Ryan, he showed his cards to soon. Freaked me out. And I high-tailed it!

Matthew: Oh Matthew, you are soooooo cute! I am digging the addition of the beard that wasn’t in your profile pics. LOVE IT! We had pizza and beer on a Sunday night. Good conversation flow. Good vibes-ish. But it wasn’t til we were leaving the building that I realized he was shorter than me just by a SMIDGE! :*( The hug sealed his coffin… I had to bend down and i was in flat boots.

Rodney: RODNEY! WTF how did you even score this date?! Rodney is so cocky and full of himself… or at least that’s how he first comes across. I see him through this tho. And there’s something there. Something about the way our humor meshes together so fluidly. Turns out he’s a rich guy. Our first date consisted of his corvette, valet, 5 over $30 entrees, drinks at a fancy hotel bar downtown. SO MUCH FUN! He actually translated the most perfect from the medium of text to real life. I felt like I already knew the inflections of his words and all his sarcastic slants. It was great! He was about 60 pounds up from his heaviest profile pic. I don’t get caught up in weight. I struggle too much myself with this demon. I’m about 30 lbs over weight at any given moment. So this is not a deal breaker…. It would’ve been nice to fit the face of the person I was falling into like with thru text to the face that actually existed in real life tho. Rodney is still around. We’ve been on 4 dates now. “Date” is too big of a word tho. a lunch. a Netflix movie. We get along well. He asked me to go to vegas with him for the new years… Work prevented this from being a possibility… otherwise I have no idea if I would have actually let myself indulge in something so frivolous and spontaneous. Neither are my nature. BUT SERIOUSLY?!?! How awesome and cool! well… except that I actually hate this kind of show-off-ery. To me its too much. Too over the top. Shania Twain said it best. “That don’t impress-a me much!” Here’s the thing about Rodney: It’s not a fuck yes. It isn’t. And I hate that. This guy is the perfect gentleman. After four dates all he’s ventured to take is a chaste kiss on the lips. This is a different speed than I’m use to. And I don’t know really how I feel about it. I suppose its nice… Yet, makes me wonder if he’s a fuck yes or not…. Of course if he was dragging me to the bedroom I’d hate that too… YOU CANNOT WIN WITH US WOMEN!

Within the first week I had had 3 dates and i had been stood up for 2 others. I was a busy girl! And honestly… being stood up like this wasn’t that bad. In this age of technology it is no longer necessary to show up to the place intended in order to be stood up… It’s pretty convenient to know you are being stood up when there is zero response to the “hey are we still on for tonight?” text. So I was kind of happy with the accidental night in! And I had so many other guys matching and chatting that it had no effect on my self esteem. Besides not being bummed about something that would’ve normally taken me into a downward spiral for a few days – another Tinder phenomenon was happening… It was so much easier to be myself with all these options. If someone had an issue with something about me it was “NEXT!” for the both of us. No skin off anyone’s back. I am able to be myself! Soooooo freely myself. No over thinking. Just chatting… being honest… moving right along.

AJ: The Dominate. This is a secret I’ve carried around for a short time… I’m a slight closet masochist! No, we were never intimate, but holy moly was i attracted to this guy! The first time he kissed me he put his hand around my throat… I was in heaven (ironically). But, still, I’m not looking for a hook up here… I want a relationship. No matter how much I want to explore this world and test the limits, I have my priorities… most of the time. Despite how much I wanted to experiment with a little d/s… he didn’t cut it in the fuck yes department outside of the bedroom. I felt the most comfortable with AJ tho. I wonder if its because we shared this secret?

Ian: The one guy I told directly that I do not want a hook up, but sure you can bring over some beer and we can watch a movie! Whoops. Lesson learned there. Next.

Josh – The Gentleman: This guy… never crossed any of the flirting lines yet still made it past the “what do you do for a living?” awkward first conversations. Too bad for Josh tho. He has had a run of bad luck lately and I just can’t bring myself to want to be part of that world. Ex wife. Recent ex fiance. Two kids from two different women… I don’t consider his divorce or kids the bad luck he’s run into… not at all. But this guy has 3 DWIs, had to move in with his parents when his fiance kicked him and the kids out… And he is currently getting over pneumonia. You are nice… and not bad looking (another welcomed surprise of being cuter than your profile pictures)… but… its not a fuck yes. His eyes, they are so good. He’s a good guy. Unlucky. But I can tell… he’s one of the good ones. and probably this fact is what directly contributes to his bad luck with women. Poor Josh.

Josh II: This guy. I chatted with this guy for a week. He’s fun. He loves people. He’s laid back. Decent job. Great flowing fun text conversations. Not a whole whole lot in common but nothing un-reconcilable. Good looking. but… He had an unforgivable feminine giggle that there is no way I’d ever be able to get over. SIgh…. call be picky… but its no fuck yes.

More Tinder ramblings to come!


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4 Responses to “The Tinder Bandwagon”

  1. GreenEyes -x- Says:

    Lol, tinder is definitely an experience! I always take a couple of friends with me on tinder dates so if the guy is a total weirdo I can escape! X

    • shelldab Says:

      Definitely smart to have an exit strategy! Me and my girlfriends have codes ready to send out and ALWAYS text about when, where, and all the info we know on the fellows – which unfortunately is not always a lot – before a meet up! Will these be stories we tell our grandchildren?? My grandparents use to tell me of the way they met… a USO dance during WWII. What is this world we are in?! Goin with the flow 🙂

      • GreenEyes -x- Says:

        Heehee its definitely not the stuff of romance novels! My grandparents met in the street and claim it was love at first site… my nan asks me who i’m going on a date with and i’m like: “Oh a dude from Tinder” and her face expression says it all! X

      • shelldab Says:

        Sums it up PERFECTLY!

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