Archive for December, 2014

The Tinder Bandwagon

December 31, 2014

I did it. I took the tinder plunge… or should I say, I’m taking it. It’s an odd and fast paced world. It’s overwhelming with too much happening at once to truly process. And I am not the best processor anyway! Before I continue with my observations about this crazy world of swiping I want to preface by referencing an article my friend shared with me recently. Fuck Yes.

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

The article is summarized by this:

“The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.”

Okay… now lets proceed with my Tinder experience thus far in no particular order.

Ryan: The first “tinder meet up” I went on. I met him in a dive bar about 8pm one friday night… I had been on Tinder for 36 hours. Like I said, Tinder is a fast paced world. If you let it… which was my first mistake. I let it sweep me up and consume my every living moment. No work was done for about a week. But I digress. Ryan…. He was soooooo much cuter than his terribly ambiguous and unfocused pictures. This was a pleasant surprise. Then he smiled. Wide, big, without his usual hand over his mouth. The tops of several of his front teeth were black. BLACK! I hadn’t been close enough to notice the gingivitis/halitosis yet. He said over and over again how good looking I was. And how funny I was. And how much he was liking me…. and here’s the freak out moment: How we were both so lucky to find each other after only being on Tinder for less than a week! Wait, what? Like, lucky to find who? like for good? forever? I wasn’t sure how to respond to this. This man was already IN LOVE! I needed a brown paper bag to breathe into! But my passive aggressive self kept that million dollar smile plastered (that I now knew i had because that’s what gets the swipe rights!). To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed this man’s company… but who wouldn’t love being so fawned over!? I’m only human. He asked to go back to his place… sigh… It wasn’t a Fuck yes for me… but it was for him….

A side note: I’ve been part of “relationships” where one party was obviously more interested than the other… this never works. EVER. I know that I want to find someone that I can fall mutually for… same rate… same comfortable speed. I don’t believe there is a too fast or too slow when it comes to love but I DO BELIEVE BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME TRAIN!

So unfortunately for Ryan, he showed his cards to soon. Freaked me out. And I high-tailed it!

Matthew: Oh Matthew, you are soooooo cute! I am digging the addition of the beard that wasn’t in your profile pics. LOVE IT! We had pizza and beer on a Sunday night. Good conversation flow. Good vibes-ish. But it wasn’t til we were leaving the building that I realized he was shorter than me just by a SMIDGE! :*( The hug sealed his coffin… I had to bend down and i was in flat boots.

Rodney: RODNEY! WTF how did you even score this date?! Rodney is so cocky and full of himself… or at least that’s how he first comes across. I see him through this tho. And there’s something there. Something about the way our humor meshes together so fluidly. Turns out he’s a rich guy. Our first date consisted of his corvette, valet, 5 over $30 entrees, drinks at a fancy hotel bar downtown. SO MUCH FUN! He actually translated the most perfect from the medium of text to real life. I felt like I already knew the inflections of his words and all his sarcastic slants. It was great! He was about 60 pounds up from his heaviest profile pic. I don’t get caught up in weight. I struggle too much myself with this demon. I’m about 30 lbs over weight at any given moment. So this is not a deal breaker…. It would’ve been nice to fit the face of the person I was falling into like with thru text to the face that actually existed in real life tho. Rodney is still around. We’ve been on 4 dates now. “Date” is too big of a word tho. a lunch. a Netflix movie. We get along well. He asked me to go to vegas with him for the new years… Work prevented this from being a possibility… otherwise I have no idea if I would have actually let myself indulge in something so frivolous and spontaneous. Neither are my nature. BUT SERIOUSLY?!?! How awesome and cool! well… except that I actually hate this kind of show-off-ery. To me its too much. Too over the top. Shania Twain said it best. “That don’t impress-a me much!” Here’s the thing about Rodney: It’s not a fuck yes. It isn’t. And I hate that. This guy is the perfect gentleman. After four dates all he’s ventured to take is a chaste kiss on the lips. This is a different speed than I’m use to. And I don’t know really how I feel about it. I suppose its nice… Yet, makes me wonder if he’s a fuck yes or not…. Of course if he was dragging me to the bedroom I’d hate that too… YOU CANNOT WIN WITH US WOMEN!

Within the first week I had had 3 dates and i had been stood up for 2 others. I was a busy girl! And honestly… being stood up like this wasn’t that bad. In this age of technology it is no longer necessary to show up to the place intended in order to be stood up… It’s pretty convenient to know you are being stood up when there is zero response to the “hey are we still on for tonight?” text. So I was kind of happy with the accidental night in! And I had so many other guys matching and chatting that it had no effect on my self esteem. Besides not being bummed about something that would’ve normally taken me into a downward spiral for a few days – another Tinder phenomenon was happening… It was so much easier to be myself with all these options. If someone had an issue with something about me it was “NEXT!” for the both of us. No skin off anyone’s back. I am able to be myself! Soooooo freely myself. No over thinking. Just chatting… being honest… moving right along.

AJ: The Dominate. This is a secret I’ve carried around for a short time… I’m a slight closet masochist! No, we were never intimate, but holy moly was i attracted to this guy! The first time he kissed me he put his hand around my throat… I was in heaven (ironically). But, still, I’m not looking for a hook up here… I want a relationship. No matter how much I want to explore this world and test the limits, I have my priorities… most of the time. Despite how much I wanted to experiment with a little d/s… he didn’t cut it in the fuck yes department outside of the bedroom. I felt the most comfortable with AJ tho. I wonder if its because we shared this secret?

Ian: The one guy I told directly that I do not want a hook up, but sure you can bring over some beer and we can watch a movie! Whoops. Lesson learned there. Next.

Josh – The Gentleman: This guy… never crossed any of the flirting lines yet still made it past the “what do you do for a living?” awkward first conversations. Too bad for Josh tho. He has had a run of bad luck lately and I just can’t bring myself to want to be part of that world. Ex wife. Recent ex fiance. Two kids from two different women… I don’t consider his divorce or kids the bad luck he’s run into… not at all. But this guy has 3 DWIs, had to move in with his parents when his fiance kicked him and the kids out… And he is currently getting over pneumonia. You are nice… and not bad looking (another welcomed surprise of being cuter than your profile pictures)… but… its not a fuck yes. His eyes, they are so good. He’s a good guy. Unlucky. But I can tell… he’s one of the good ones. and probably this fact is what directly contributes to his bad luck with women. Poor Josh.

Josh II: This guy. I chatted with this guy for a week. He’s fun. He loves people. He’s laid back. Decent job. Great flowing fun text conversations. Not a whole whole lot in common but nothing un-reconcilable. Good looking. but… He had an unforgivable feminine giggle that there is no way I’d ever be able to get over. SIgh…. call be picky… but its no fuck yes.

More Tinder ramblings to come!

a clean start

December 30, 2014

I think that my divorce had less to do with the obvious act of infidelity on his end and more to do with me and setting off on a new journey. wipe clean MY transgression (not his) and move along with a fresh start. Do it differently. Make it better from the inside out. Not any other way.

I know some would have issues with the verbiage here. Don’t get caught up in the divorce itself. It happened people. Lots of reason and lots of realities that couldn’t be resolved… But as I process and think through this on certain days… It’s about me. Not about him. or about the “us” that use to be.

This is an opportunity for me. And it feels fantastic. I’m coming to that point where I’m taking off the weights. I’m peeling back a few layers. and I’m feeling a little lighter.

I didn’t realize how complacent I had become as a person. Just in every day things. A conversation with a stranger. Using my mind. Thinking through the things I need to do rather than let someone else take care of everything. You don’t become a whole person after a long term relationship ending because you have to try super hard… you do it because you no longer have that other half. Its a necessity. You do not get a choice.

I want the next life of mine to take this whole me… and mesh it together with whoever and whatever comes in. I don’t want to become dull and unmotivated and un-involved! I want to be fully aware. Fully there. I didn’t realize how much this wasn’t true in my marriage. What a weird sense of clarity to come to terms with that.

I am fun. I am interesting. I’m witty! Where did that one come from!??! These are adjectives I wouldn’t have used when talking about me while in the marriage. I felt quite the opposite! Boring. Nagging. Non-adventurous. Not particularly anything. Just some shade of gray that sits in the corner. Oh how that is NOT who I am!

This girl that I am… woman… I love her more and more. And I want to share her! I want to be part of someone’s life. Whether it be friends, coworkers, or a lover. I feel like I have adjectives to offer.

That’s enough rambling for now 🙂