Archive for August, 2014

When the Ring Comes Off

August 19, 2014

I am a very average person. I’m average in smarts, in creativeness (possibly below in this department), in looks, in height… the only thing above average on me is my width. ūüôā I’m actually fine with how I look. But i do weigh 175, wear a size 12-15, but too be fair I workout and have a good amount of muscle on me.¬†Hardly any chest to speak of. Nothing about me is “double take”, jaw-dropping, let-me-get-her-number material.¬†

So imagine my surprise at what happened when the ring came off. Guys came crawling out of the wood work. Now, I’m not saying they are all quality guys here. I just mean, they made their presence known. And wouldn’t you know I found out a few (not-so-fun) facts about guys these days (hopefully these are new developments and not what women have always dealt with!).

“I want to see you some time” doesn’t mean he’ll actually make that happen.

“Let’s go out on Friday night” doesn’t mean that by Friday he won’t have found better options.

The “keepers” come across as too desperate and clingy and you may not know how to handle that without cutting off all ties… which is kind of a shame. But if he can’t find a middle ground, neither can you.

They have the right words for getting what they want… a few of them have absolutely no problem saying what you want to hear to “seal the deal” with no follow thru later…. this one hurts to find out… sorry good guys, these guys absolutely ruin it for you… this is where we pack what is known as baggage. a big bag of distrust and a bad taste in our mouth from that one guy.¬†

What the hell is wrong with the world????? I mean, I’ve been married for 5 years, and with the same guy since high school. Has this always been the case?!?!? I know i know i sound completely naive but damn! I just didn’t know about all this chaos all my fellow single sisters were going through!¬†

And i know if you are a guy reading this you are thinking you are the exception…. Most guys say that. And in reality I actually do trust that most guys aren’t this bad… but from what I experienced these last few months you’d never know. It’s almost comical. Aaaaaand I am partly to blame for going to places like bars and expecting more… or should i say, expecting neutral… actually I just never expected any of this! I never expected this attention. Period! BUT! Only took a few guys to undo my naivety. I feel like an ole pro now!

I guess this turned into more of a rant… hmm… sorry!¬†

Actually I have a date tonight… and for some strange reason I’m not particular excited about it, but like a moth to a flame I HAVE to go towards it. Curiosity – it might be the death of me. BUT I CAN’T HELP IT! Even all my recent experiences won’t shut me down to the world. I forgive easy. Well, to be honest, I just usually flat out forget sooner than forgiveness is necessary. I believe people are good… guys included (even now). So, I carry on… slightly less hopeful, but still open to life experiences. And I give people a lot of wiggle room… I guess that’s me being gracious? But that sounds way more pretentious than what I really mean and how I really feel. I just know that is what is necessary when dealing with me… I need alllllll the grace you are willing to extend.¬†

Anyway… I better get a quick workout in before the night begins!¬†

a new void

August 18, 2014

Something happens in the middle of getting a divorce (and the process after, of course!). Well, a lot of somethings happen in the process of divorce. But the worst and most significant thing that happens is you lose your person. Now… I’m pretty sure a lot of us women thought that we lost our person long before we ever said the “D” word out loud…. but we really don’t get it yet. There’s a depth of losing that person that we have not even begun to understand.¬†

For me, It’s not til i was living on my own (separated at this time) that I truly felt something missing. I think this is when a lot of couples would actually get back together. I’m going to be doing a lot of rambling for the next couple paragraphs but bear with me. I felt something missing. Yes, i did. But i didn’t miss him. I can’t tell you how i knew that. To me it was definitely not him. but here are a few things that happened.

Self esteem¬†nose-dive: this one I think has to do with something as simple as you no longer have the extra affirmation. You can’t just turn to your spouse before leaving the house and say “what do you think about this outfit” or “do you think this new shirt looks funny with my jeans?” or as complicated as not getting the random “you look good today, babe” or “you are having a great hair day.” Yeah, I know what you are saying… “Why on earth do you get rid of that random complimenter machine???” Trust me, I have my reasons. The fact is… we don’t even know what that is doing to our every day sanity as women. We didn’t know we neeeeeeeeeded that till it wasn’t there. Hell! we didn’t even know we were getting THAAAAT much. This is no reason to stay with him but our self-esteem is deeply tied to this. I think… total theory. My only credentials on the topic of divorce is the fact that i got one.¬†

you want a dog or something equally as cuddly: I’ve joked about wanting a dog being the 6th stage of grief. You just have this need to have something else that is living and breathing in the house. I do understand that those of us with kids probably skip this step? Just a theory. I WANTED TO GO TO THE SHELTER SO BAD!!!! I got online and looked at puppies on craig’s list and the local shelters daily. I went to shelters. I went to pet stores. I did end up rescuing a pup. He’s the most skittish dog you’ve ever met. He isn’t the biggest fan of people…. He is extremely picky about who he wants… sometimes… other times all you have to do is throw his toy…. He’s got issues for sure. BUT! He came potty trained, he sleeps all night. And he will be your little spoon for as long as you stay put! He’s what i call a burrower… neck first burrower. He wants to get as close to you as possible. and i think in his mind that means he wants to burrow straight through you. Sounds bad… but i swear its pretty damn cute. Except when he’s burrowing neck first into your neck with his collar in a bad position.¬†

Sundays are terrible!:¬†Something about the rush and excitement of the weekend that makes Sunday evenings alone soooo damn difficult. It’s like the air conditioner stopping and you didn’t realized you liked the noise til it ended. It comes from a place so deep down that it almost hurts. A lot of the times, its the first moment i’ve sat still all weekend and i realized life sucks alone. No one signed up for this! I have this huge theory i’m sure to bring up super soon about how we aren’t meant to be alone. Some people might be offended ¬†by this statement… but hear me out when the time comes… its at the least an interesting topic… in my biased opinion. My advice for the sunday evening blues (that have nothing to do with work the next day) – get a dog ūüôā

Rebounding happens: Not much i can say on this topic that doesn’t incriminate me. We settle for Mr. Right Now on occasion because we want to feel wanted. even if its just for the night. We know this is a terrible idea… but at least its fun? Moving right along. Rebounding¬†goes well with needing affirmation and something cuddly and feeling lonely on sunday nights. It kind of all goes with this new void that we desperately want to shake.¬†

Well, like i said, my only credentials on this topic is the fact that i am divorced and am currently or have gone thru these particular bullet points… (i’m sure there are tons more! If you can think of one off the top of your head please leave me a comment, I’d love to compare and embellish with you!).

That’s enough rambling for now.¬†

 

about me

August 18, 2014

Well, as of today, August 18th, 2014, I am…. me. Well that’s a boring statement. But in my defense… insert today’s date and its always a true statement. So maybe its brilliant… like the sentence “I am.” 1000% true every time. I personally love these kind of statements. I think they are simply, beautifully brilliant.

Anyway! I’m 26… looking into the eyes of 27 in the next 6 weeks. I’m recently (as in exactly 2 months and 23 hours and 15 minutes) divorced. No kids. Young professional (well, at least I try to be). ¬†Text addict. I love hash tags… and i’m a closet selfie taker… but I care too much about how I’m perceived to actually post them as often as I want. I wait for a good reason… like my niece “is the cutest thing ever!” or “look! the Eifle tower!”… I’ve never been to Paris, but you get the gist. I think that’s just the product of my generation… we are stuck between the last generation who will remember a time before internet and iphones and thinking that the only reason chef’s and food preparers present food so purposefully is so we can snap a pic and post it to our favorite social media site(s). I mean, why else would they care if what we are about to devour looks good?!?! Again, I resist this overwhelming urge as I do selfies. You. Are. Welcome.

I like to think I’m a pretty simple person, but the fact that I’m a woman betrays me right off the bat. I’m a St. Louis Cardinals fan that doesn’t currently own a tv… debating a purchase… so my cardinal stats are about a season (or two) behind. I have a puppy, well he’s 3-ish. I rescued him in May. He’s some sort of mutt, chaweenie breed. I just know him as a little black dog that loves to cuddle. I call him Sammie. More about him later.

I’m pretty dorky. I’m learning to let this side of me show… Not sure why i spent so long suppressing it… well, i have theories. More on this topic later. I have a food problem, but I workout (kind of a lot) to compensate. I’m a little bit of a workoutaholic. Again, more on that later.

I guess you are wondering what the point is. Welp, I am not sure. This blog will probably be a lot about me being newly divorced… and all that comes with it. I have a lot in my head. And I’m pretty internal, but my favorite way to process a situation is thru typing it out. I guess that’s the point. You are in the middle of my processing space… that is actually a little scary. Are you hooked yet? buhahahaha. oh. you aren’t? ooops. alrighty… well, maybe you’ll be bored enough (or procrastinating enough) next Monday morning to roll back around and see what ramblings I have decided to share.

Till then… hope the day goes well. Later!