hope

So there’s this odd random feeling that keeps hitting me over and over again throughout the day lately. It’s a mixture of anxiety and excitement… It’s almost overwhelming at times. The first time I felt it I thought i was having a panic attack. But i recognized the feeling as not all bad. It feels as if something is right around the corner. Something is about to happen. Something is brewing. Something BIG! 

I kind of have this theory on ESP…. I feel like everyone falls on a spectrum of it. But I think most of us land on the millisecond side of the spectrum…. So basically none at all. While others maybe have more of a gift for it. I don’t know. Call me crazy for this one. I do realize it’s a stretch. But this is the weirdest and strongest feeling.

Maybe its just stress manifesting itself… I haven’t been able to sleep… so maybe its even just a sign of sleep deprivation, but it won’t go away. It’ll hit me in waves and then it’ll go. but its becoming more and more… whats the word… constant… i think. 

I’ve decided that it’s hope. But a really strong urgent hope. Wonder if I’m just kind of needing sleep or if something will (unexpectedly) pop up. Or maybe I’m becoming a little desperate in the lonely department… maybe this is just a coping mechanism… but i kind of like it. 

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