Whose house is it anyways?

I don’t even know what to title this one… But this is how I did papers in college too. I didn’t right my thesis sentence/opening paragraph till I was done. I use to love writing papers. It all rounded out somehow and then the opening paragraph was a piece of cake. Otherwise I’d sit for days trying to figure it out. 

I went over to my house yesterday.. well, technically it’s still my house. The refinancing to get my name off the mortgage hasn’t been completed yet. My ex has at least 2 roommates that i know of right now. Anyway, I went to the house yesterday to get some of my stuff that he had boxed up. It was all piled up in the dining room. Piled up like he didn’t care how it looked. The room was a mess. The beautiful hard wood floors hadn’t been swept in forever. The bar height table was covered in my stuff and other random stuff. Empty bags. Newly bought things from Wal-mart.

My sanity has always been tied to my surroundings. I couldn’t even study in college til I had cleaned up the entire apartment, whether it was my mess or my roommates. (They were quite messy!!) But after I cleaned, I could sit and study for hours and hours. I just can’t take the clutter; it stresses me out. So, anyway, here I am appalled at how my house looks! I use to clean all the time. I hate clutter, so usually all table tops and counters were completely cleared and wiped down. Shiny. Sure we had the random pile of stuff that we use, no point in putting away because we’ll need it in just a few minutes… but… I swept and mopped and vacuumed like people do.

Thankfully he wasn’t there while i figured out what exactly in this room (my instructions were to take the boxes in the dining room) was mine, but it was sooooooooo messy I could barely navigate. So I just started opening boxes…. Mistake #1. The first box I opened had my flipflops that read “BRIDE”. Bam! Hit me like a truck. And under those were the heels I wore to my wedding. They are sooooo pretty… but… man, that was a hard first sight. My breath caught and i teared up. It was gonna be like that. Made me a little trigger shy on the other boxes. I loaded up stuff in my car. I’m sure the neighbors, particularly the nosy one to the right, was having a field day watching me try to lift all these boxes into my car on my own. I’m actually quite sore today. 

In the corner was a huge burlap sack. Who keeps people sized burlap sacks around?? This bag was filled with photo albums and pictures of us. I couldn’t lift it, or I would’ve walked it out to the trash. I left it. 

I got to see our dog… Beamer. He is so big! I can’t believe it. I mean, I thought he was full grown already… but he made the shift from teenager to adult… He loved on me, I loved on him. I also took the opportunity to make a walk through to see if anything else was mine. Mistake #2. the house is in dreadful condition! I couldn’t handle it. Ugh, 3 or 4 guys under one roof… What did I expect? I just worked so hard to keep it clean. It was heart breaking. It was a fucking mess! Not only did it break my heart, but it pissed me off because I know he had the appraiser there this week for the refinancing. The stairs hadn’t been vacuumed in months. The only clean room was the master suite… Mistake #3. There were female items on my side of the sink. “My side”. Time to leave. 

Of course I cried all the way to my tiny apartment, wondering where I was going to even fit all the things that were in the back of my car. Everything hurts today. I slept terribly. I can feel the clutter from the house. Its stressing me out like its mine to clean. I fought the urge to sweep the dining room. I fought the urge so hard. 

I hadn’t cried over the situation in a week… I guess I was over due. At some point this won’t effect me. I’ll wait till then. 

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