a new void

Something happens in the middle of getting a divorce (and the process after, of course!). Well, a lot of somethings happen in the process of divorce. But the worst and most significant thing that happens is you lose your person. Now… I’m pretty sure a lot of us women thought that we lost our person long before we ever said the “D” word out loud…. but we really don’t get it yet. There’s a depth of losing that person that we have not even begun to understand. 

For me, It’s not til i was living on my own (separated at this time) that I truly felt something missing. I think this is when a lot of couples would actually get back together. I’m going to be doing a lot of rambling for the next couple paragraphs but bear with me. I felt something missing. Yes, i did. But i didn’t miss him. I can’t tell you how i knew that. To me it was definitely not him. but here are a few things that happened.

Self esteem nose-dive: this one I think has to do with something as simple as you no longer have the extra affirmation. You can’t just turn to your spouse before leaving the house and say “what do you think about this outfit” or “do you think this new shirt looks funny with my jeans?” or as complicated as not getting the random “you look good today, babe” or “you are having a great hair day.” Yeah, I know what you are saying… “Why on earth do you get rid of that random complimenter machine???” Trust me, I have my reasons. The fact is… we don’t even know what that is doing to our every day sanity as women. We didn’t know we neeeeeeeeeded that till it wasn’t there. Hell! we didn’t even know we were getting THAAAAT much. This is no reason to stay with him but our self-esteem is deeply tied to this. I think… total theory. My only credentials on the topic of divorce is the fact that i got one. 

you want a dog or something equally as cuddly: I’ve joked about wanting a dog being the 6th stage of grief. You just have this need to have something else that is living and breathing in the house. I do understand that those of us with kids probably skip this step? Just a theory. I WANTED TO GO TO THE SHELTER SO BAD!!!! I got online and looked at puppies on craig’s list and the local shelters daily. I went to shelters. I went to pet stores. I did end up rescuing a pup. He’s the most skittish dog you’ve ever met. He isn’t the biggest fan of people…. He is extremely picky about who he wants… sometimes… other times all you have to do is throw his toy…. He’s got issues for sure. BUT! He came potty trained, he sleeps all night. And he will be your little spoon for as long as you stay put! He’s what i call a burrower… neck first burrower. He wants to get as close to you as possible. and i think in his mind that means he wants to burrow straight through you. Sounds bad… but i swear its pretty damn cute. Except when he’s burrowing neck first into your neck with his collar in a bad position. 

Sundays are terrible!: Something about the rush and excitement of the weekend that makes Sunday evenings alone soooo damn difficult. It’s like the air conditioner stopping and you didn’t realized you liked the noise til it ended. It comes from a place so deep down that it almost hurts. A lot of the times, its the first moment i’ve sat still all weekend and i realized life sucks alone. No one signed up for this! I have this huge theory i’m sure to bring up super soon about how we aren’t meant to be alone. Some people might be offended  by this statement… but hear me out when the time comes… its at the least an interesting topic… in my biased opinion. My advice for the sunday evening blues (that have nothing to do with work the next day) – get a dog 🙂

Rebounding happens: Not much i can say on this topic that doesn’t incriminate me. We settle for Mr. Right Now on occasion because we want to feel wanted. even if its just for the night. We know this is a terrible idea… but at least its fun? Moving right along. Rebounding goes well with needing affirmation and something cuddly and feeling lonely on sunday nights. It kind of all goes with this new void that we desperately want to shake. 

Well, like i said, my only credentials on this topic is the fact that i am divorced and am currently or have gone thru these particular bullet points… (i’m sure there are tons more! If you can think of one off the top of your head please leave me a comment, I’d love to compare and embellish with you!).

That’s enough rambling for now. 


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